To get cameras?

[user1488481370]

I don’t want to drip feed.

We live on a farm with BIL and his girlfriend (desperate houses - same access)

I posted here a week or so ago after his girlfriend came out and dressed me down in front of my mum about having my 1 YO outside, in the shade, late afternoon with only a nappy and sun hat on. She then told me she’d taken photos of my half naked DD sat on her own’ outside. She was going to use them to report me to SS.

Top and bottom of it is, OH is a farmer. His business is here, the animals, agricultural buildings and our home is here. It’s not as simple as just moving before anyone suggests it. BIL and GF walk passed our house to get to their house. They hate the kids (have openly admitted it) they swear at them, damage their toys, have been caught sweeping up broken glass from their green house and dumping it where our children play, they’ve also used weed killer where our children play without informing us first.

We keep our heads down but they constantly seem to be pushing. MIL left the farm and land in quarters when she died to OH, BIL, SIL and OH’s nephew. They want us out.

She stands at her window and will watch us in our garden. We’ve had everything from brazenly picking flowers from our garden without permission to BIL beating OH up and getting a criminal record for it over the last few years.

At the moment it’s very petty stuff but a lot of it and it’s chipping away. I’m currently 20 weeks pregnant and have three children under the age of 10 with me at home full time.

Everytime BIL walks passed our kitchen window, he glares in at me. I know I shouldn’t be such a whimp but he’s a violent man and it makes me feel very vulnerable and intimidated. We’ve started logging everything but know it’s pretty much pointless without evidence.

OH wants to catch him in camera glaring at me but I think it’s pointless. We aren’t in a position to move. We’re very much stuck here.

Not sure how a camera will help.

Who owns the farm and the houses?

Moving might not be simple but what other option do you have? Even if you start logging things and have the police round every week, they can't be evicted - they own it. Even if they do something resulting in a custodial sentence they'll still own it and can come back (and do you really want to experience whatever they do which might lead to a custodial sentence?).

If what you say is true it sounds like they're actively trying to cause harm to your family.

Moving might not be easy or simple but if you want to keep your children safe it sounds like your only option.

I have bad neighbours who damage my property too so I know how you feel, it must be worse when it’s family. Has your DH spoken to them about this? Your children are their nieces/nephews and should be treated so, I’m shocked anyone would do that to their own family they sound awful.
I would keep a record of everything that’s happening, take photos for example of glass on your property and any conversations you have that would be seen as threatening.
Definitely install the cameras, they’re good security for your peace of mind, make sure you have them at every point where something can be picked up without their property in the background. Having them there may deter them from carrying on if they realise it will be recorded. I have just bought cameras earlier this week for this reason so I know if anything else happens I have it on camera to show the police.
Can you put tall fences around your boundary to block them out?
Don’t let these nasty bullies upset you in your own home, enjoy your garden and ignore them. I’d be considering reporting them for harassment if your DH isn’t able to solve this civilly with his brother.

If OH didn’t have his business here we’d move tomorrow.

All four of them own the farm land, houses and farm buildings in equal quarters. OH owns the animals and business as well as his quarter of land and and buildings. No one owns the home they live in outright, they owns quarter share.

Basically MIL was very controlling. Beyond the grave even.

No advice just massive sympathy! 💐💐💐
It sounds quite a hopeless situation 😱

I would install cameras. If nothing else, it’s evidence.

So are they actually wanting to buy OH out then OP? Because I would be seriously looking at what you'd walk away with for your share of everything and the sale of the business/animals and whether it would be enough for a complete fresh start. Of course your OH shouldn't have to give up his business etc and I'm sure it would be a massive wrench but I genuinely don't see any other way out of this for you, OH and DC and you can't live like this forever, it sounds beyond stressful and dangerous for you all.

OK OP, but what do you want to happen?

For them to leave you alone? Ideal I'm sure but I doubt they'll suddenly have a chance of heart.

For them to move? I don't know them myself obviously but why would they leave property they own?

To get a restraining or non-molestation order against them? That will take time - probably quite a lot of time - they will still be there, and in the meantime do you really want to subject your family to that?

By all means get cameras but it doesn't sound like they will actually solve the immediate problem.

I get it, moving is complicated and difficult for a number of reasons, but it IS possible.

This is it. We looked into renting a cottage a few miles away with the house on the farm and base for OH when he’s got sheep lambing and cows calving but with all of the other farm rents we pay it couldn’t be done.

The farm isn’t valued at enough to be able to even think about buying another place. We’re trying to save, save, save and buy more land etc so that what we have at home doesn’t matter so much (if that makes sense?) but it’s going to take time. I’m hoping the cameras will be a deterrent more than anything.

I would put in the cameras definitely. Is there any chance you could build a small fence, just are your property so BIL can’t walk so close to windows? What did you marry into?😕😂

Farming family with similar, but inevitably slightly different, issues caused by inheritance.
I don't know if you want to hear this but the 3 couples/families have basically finally slotted into a co-operative situation. There is still no love lost but it is bearable. It took 27 years (and a few letters from solicitors) to get this far - sorry.