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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to throw damaged items away, or to donate?

52 replies

elephanbee · 04/07/2020 16:42

DP does not like to.throw anything away. So much so, our attic has been made into a storage space, as there is so much clutter!
We had squirrels in the attic previously. I took all of the contents out of the attic prior to work being done, disinfected them, and kept what I think we could. the rest for recycling, or to take to the tip.
DP has gone through everything, and decided most cannot be disposed of. Think squirrel chewed cot frame, or dolls house for example.
He said that for people who have little, these could be worked upon into a usable item.
I'm not sure if this would be possible, I wouldn't usually have donated an item in an unusable condition (apart from material banks).
If there is anywhere that could make use of the items however I'm happy to donate, if anyone aware of such companies? I have a feeling these will be in my house for years, AIBU to throw them away?

OP posts:

DotDotDotty · 04/07/2020 21:39

Freecycle or tip.

Original poster

elephanbee · 05/07/2020 10:59

thanks all! will put on free cycle (am embarrassed to say it's been chewed by squirrels..may offer to drop it off if anyone wants it, so I dont need to give my address!:)

OP posts:

MushroomTree · 05/07/2020 11:18

Bin it. I used to work for a women's refuge and the amount of damaged stuff we had donated because "it's better than them having nothing" was astounding.

When you're at rock bottom I can assure you that worn out clothes, half used toiletries, and broken toys will not make you feel better.

The number of hours I wasted taking other people's rubbish to the tip was ridiculous and took time away from my actual job.

Ragwort · 05/07/2020 15:11

Mushroom - totally agree, I was recently given a donation of a load of trousers, in all seriousness the doner said to me, 'these are perfectly good for the poor people in Africa, just cut the trousers off at the knees to make shorts for them'. .

Oldsu · 05/07/2020 16:18

@Gingernaut

If people could repair and use them, then why is he hoarding damaged stuff in the loft? They're clearly no use to anyone gather dust up there.

Clean them up and get them to a charity shop.

They'll quickly sift through and skip anything that is useless.

WTF??????????? you do KNOW that they have to PAY to have things taken away and at the moment no they cant fucking sift through things quickly everything has to be quarantined for 72 hours - this has got to be one of the most ignorant posts I have ever read on mumsnet

Ginkypig · 05/07/2020 16:19

He said that for people who have little, these could be worked upon into a usable item.

In the nicest way possible to your Dp, I understand that he is trying to be nice in his thinking but actually what he's said is quite insulting.
Putting it on freecycle is one thing but donating it knowing the likelihood it's going to the poor or "in need" isn't a very nice thing to do.

Why should someone who's poor or has little have to get things that are in such disrepair they need worked on to be made usable.
Iv been very poor and Iv been homeless and had no one to turn to for help and have taken items like that in the early days Because it was better than nothing at all but it would have been much more helpful to have had the opportunity to have had things that didn't need repair because I didn't have the money or the tools or the environment or the family/friends to be able to make things properly usable but I did what I could because I had no choice.
It would have been hugely appreciated to have had something that while 2nd hand was clean and fit for purpose and would have been a massive light on what was normally always a hard day.

That being said if someone goes on freecyle and wants to take something like that on freely for a project then great everyone happy!

MegaClutterSlut · 05/07/2020 16:23

If your embarrassed about them coming to your house so they don't have your address then you know its worthless shit that should be chucked imo. You're just passing the problem on to someone else instead of your dp addressing his hoarding

TwoBlueFish · 05/07/2020 16:33

Freecycle was going to be my suggestion to. Set a deadline, if they haven’t been taken by x date then they go to the tip.

MushroomTree · 05/07/2020 16:42

@Ragwort that's awful! But I've heard similar time and time again. The deserving poor should be grateful for whatever they get

CalmdownJanet · 05/07/2020 16:45

Oh ffs nobody needs your squirrel gnawed SHIT nobody. No matter how badly off someone is there are too many alternatives out there if they are desperate (assistance, charities, genuinely usable free stuff on freecycle, genuinely usable free/cheap stuff on fb boards), nobody sits at home and thinks I badly need a cot so i'll ignore the squirrel bites on this and put my baby in it. Take it to a recycle centre, tell your dh to cop, make a stand, why us it he puts his foot down and you are left shame faced getting rid of tat? Just dump it

MsTSwift · 05/07/2020 16:46

Spent all weekend doing this!

Best stuff first refusal to friends or family with younger kids
Decent but not fancy stuff or rejected by friends or family charity shop
Everything else recycling centre.

6 bin bags dd room now like a hotel room and our storage cupboard no longer a hell hole. Need a drink!

MatildaTheCat · 05/07/2020 16:51

I’ve been amazed by what people want when I’ve put it on Nextdoor for free. Stuff that I just wanted shot of but they did want. So definitely worth trying that route but thence to the tip.

In future ban use of the loft for such storage. It’s so rare to actually want anything (other than say, Christmas decorations or camping gear) once it’s been sent to the loft. Straight to the tip.

Twillow · 05/07/2020 16:51

I like to recyclw/reuse as much as possible. I haven't enjoyed not being able to take things to the charity shop our local tip runs during the pandemic.
But his reasoning is excuses of a hoarder.
If I was you, I would start to make things up to get rid of them - my friend wants a cot etc.
Or, to go about it in a more honest way, put the cot on freecycle...and let him watch it wither there, unwanted by anyone. Then maybe he'll start to come to terms with the fact his reasons for keeping things are illogical.

pussycatinboots · 05/07/2020 17:22

Why don't you say he can only add 1 thing to the loft if he removes 2?
or send him on a weekend away and hire a skip

JoJoHasIt · 05/07/2020 17:26

Poor people don’t want a dolls house or a cot that has been chewed by squirrels.

The reason for this is that there are dolls houses and cots that are being given to charity shops or sold cheaply on Facebook that haven’t been chewed by squirrels.

LouiseSP82 · 05/07/2020 20:58

Thanks for all your replies! I have tried to spray ti him about this, but he is refusing to discuss the issue (my fault, as I told him I had put a post on here, hoping we could discuss the responses!) he has often clams up when I broach the subject of the things he keeps..a sore point!

LouiseSP82 · 05/07/2020 20:59

*speak to him - sorry, typo

Ginkypig · 05/07/2020 21:46

@LouiseSP82

That's because hoarding isn't just someone keeping lots of things it's a mental health and emotional issue. As with other things there is a whole spectrum of severity but the emotional involvement means it's not a simple case of just having a chat about it.

My advice is to do some research on hoarding and see what information there is for family members of hoarders so it gives you the tools to talk to him and deal with the issues going forward.

MitziK · 05/07/2020 21:54

When you have fuck all (been there, done that) you don't have the means to 'rework' a cot or dolls house into a usable item. Because you don't have the money for a sander, sandpaper, screwdrivers, hammers, paint, undercoat, brushes and thinners, dustcloths, masks and the like.

You need things that you can put down and use immediately, not things chewed on and pissed over by vermin - and to have some bloke think that's all your child is fit for - vermin damaged rubbish - is a fucking insult.

Like I said, trip to the charity shop, stopping off at the tip on the way - is the only thing you can do. And bollocks to the skanky hoarder.

(Grew up in a hoarder's house. There is no excuse for it, no reasoning with it, just get rid).

LouiseSP82 · 05/07/2020 22:04

I'm now thinking maybe he said that to stall me, so the things can stay for longer. I've had bags of things that have been out on recycle day, that have been bought back and left in the garden in all weathers (including items made of cardboard!)
The bigger items are in a shed, along with a couple of bags of random rubbish from about a year ago!

Longdistance · 05/07/2020 22:04

You should never give broken, damaged, unfit for purpose goods to a charity shop as a donation. They’d need to take it to the tip, it’s unfair to burden them with your rubbish.

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/07/2020 22:42

When I was a young adult, people would think like your DH "someone could get some use out of that". Of course, that was in the days of jumble sales, and you got real tat there - clothes with broken zips, missing buttons and so on. Nowadays, instead of thinking "could someone get some use out of that?" you have to think "would I buy that?", and, if the answer is "no", then it doesn't go to a charity shop.

But always worth putting on freecycle or whatever, so if someone does think they have a use for it, they get a chance. It's to the advantage of us all if we can keep things out of the tip.

Ernieshere · 06/07/2020 06:10

I agree, take it to the tip. Alao your DH will never discuss this at a better time.

DENIAL will not clear your house of unwanted items.

differentnameforthis · 06/07/2020 06:18

Please do not donate damaged items. People in need should have access to safe items, not damaged ones.

Oldsu · 06/07/2020 06:38

@differentnameforthis

Please do not donate damaged items. People in need should have access to safe items, not damaged ones.

My DH runs a charity shop and believe me something like that wouldn't be sold

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