Name change

[Ilovethemapples]

Hi, I grew up in a Spanish speaking country and have a Hebrew first name. All my life I've been asked to spell my name and also no one knows how to pronounce it ( my family puts the stress at the end of the name, some friends at the beginning). Now I live in the UK, and I still have the same problem. I feel like everyone pronounces my name differently and I'm not even sure what the right way of saying it is. I'm tired of seeing people's faces (confused ones) when I meet new people and say my name. I've been recently thinking about changing my first name. What is holding me back is that I feel awkward suddenly telling people that I have a new name, and also professionally, I've been known by my 'foreing' name for more than a decade. Is it too crazy after all this years to think about changing my name??

I also have a Hebrew name, and people constantly misspell and mispronounce it. But it's part of my identity and I don't want to change it.

If it's not the name itself you don't like, but only people's reactions to it, then I think YABU. Nobody will ever get used to different names if we all Anglicise them.

I would learn to be more confident in correcting people if it bothers you. They should put more effort in, but until their attention is drawn to it, they are unlikely to do so.

And it doesn't matter what the "right" pronunciation is in terms of the original source of the name; the right way to pronounce your name is the way your parents named you and you grew up hearing (unless you personally prefer a different pronunciation).

My daughter also has a Hebrew name, and we don't pronounce it the same way as Israelis would, but I chose to pronounce it a certain way, so that is her name.

I have an unphonetic Irish name - absolute nightmare. I wish my mother had named me something else. It's truly so awful to have to explain yourself awkwardly every time you meet a new person and unless you're going through it - literally no one understands.
If it would make you happy then change it. Alternatively, just shorten it or Anglocise it?

I think it depends on the name. If it's something like Rebeca, Benvenuta or ever Ezter, there's no excuse for people not pronouncing it in the correct way.

The only person I know who has changed her name by "anglicising" it was someone with a Polish surname which was pronounced similar to Philips, but spelled with lots of Cs. Ws and Zs. So she changed it to Philips.

If you do change it, you will just get lots of questions about why.

I have an unphonetic Irish name

Oh yes. My best friend at school was Caoimhe. She pronounced it Keeva. Nobody else could pronounce it at all - Coom-hee, Kay-Oh-Me, Comb-Her, endless.

I don't think she ever officially changed the spelling but is now "known as" Keeva. And everyone pronounces her name correctly.

My best friend at school was Caoimhe. She pronounced it Keeva.

I worked with a lady called Caoimhe. Somebody pronounced it 'Come here' for a bit, couldn't get his head round it.

It is infuriating.

I admit, I wouldn’t know how to pronounce Caoimhe if it was written down but once someone says it is pronounced Keefa it really isn’t THAT hard, surely!

I have had a lifetime of being called Roweeeeeeena. It is not my name. I have given up at this point!

I changed my name (first and surname) just over two years ago, I worried about the awkward factor of telling people this is my new name but it wasn't too bad!

I have an ethnic name, believed to be of Persian origin. People struggle to spell/pronounce even with anglicized spelling. It used to annoy me but now I'm proud of it, it makes me unique and is a good conversation starter with new people!

Both my DDs have Hebrew names, one of which is short and extremely easy to pronounce. The spelling in English makes it very clear how it's pronounced.

Even so, every times someone from her bank or car insurance company, or whatever, rang to speak to her on our landline when she was living with me, they would completely mangle it, even introducing completely different letters into her name although, they would have clearly been reading it from a screen.

Some people look at a name they've never come across before and for some reason, panic and seem to lose their ability to read.

Both my DDs are always being asked to spell their names, they're used to it and it isn't a problem for them, in the same way I have no problems when I'm asked to spell my last name.

My DD's love their unusual names, their names are part of who they are.

If you hate your name and it bothers you that other people can't pronounce, change it.

You say you don't know how to pronounce it yourself. You can pronounce anyway you want, it's your name.

Changed mine in my 30’s. Similar to the original.
People got used to it very quickly - made their lives easier 😂

It had no impact on my identity! My heart and soul aren’t identified by my name!

It depends on the change. A former colleague changed his very long Greek name to a shortened version that he used day to day anyway - it just meant that he didn’t have to spell it out for strangers who still didn’t get it right even then. Are you thinking of doing something similar, or going to a completely different name?

Personally I don’t hate my name at all.

I hate having to repeatedly and constantly correct people.

I hate having to give up and accept being called a different name to the one I was given at birth - because no matter what MN say about keeping correcting people there comes a point where you can’t, and have functioning relationships.

It does feel a little bit as if people are constantly trying to take a little bit of me away. And that sounds ridiculous but it’s been an ongoing problem for me throughout my life now. I appeared in the local newspaper with the wrong name at the age of 3

Interestingly quite a lot of people get it immediately. But I do think some people see an unfamiliar name and immediately try to make it a name they know.

Even so, every times someone from her bank or car insurance company, or whatever, rang to speak to her on our landline when she was living with me, they would completely mangle it, even introducing completely different letters into her name although, they would have clearly been reading it from a screen.

This is what I find bizarre. I can understand mispronouncing an unusual name, but coming up with something completely different? How does that happen?

There was a girl in my class at school with a Russian name. It was always interesting when we got a supply teacher to hear what bizarre mangled version they’d come out with when reading the register, usually featuring extra letters, as with your daughter, Pigs.

@SockYarn The issue with Caoimhe is that even the Irish can't agree if it's Keeva or Queeva. My name is actually becoming fairly popular now so it's gone from being 100% of people having absolutely no idea what's going on to 50% have no idea and the other 50% going on for forty-five minutes about getting it right haha. If anyone in my office has a relation/friend/godchild/cat with my name then they'll have told me the first time we met

@StillCoughingandLaughing

It depends on the change. A former colleague changed his very long Greek name to a shortened version that he used day to day anyway - it just meant that he didn’t have to spell it out for strangers who still didn’t get it right even then. Are you thinking of doing something similar, or going to a completely different name?

As I don't have a middle name, I was thinking of adding a middle name and then just go by it so I would still keep the name my parents gave me (although they don't seem to be upset about my idea of changing my name).

@blueharbour is your name pronounced Row-ENN-uh? I have a colleague named Rowena, and she is so lovely and kind, I'm sure she'd never mention it if we were all saying her name incorrectly

And @Ilovethemapples your name isn't who you are- choose the pronunciation you like, and let people know. Anyone that minds is an asshat, and their opinion isn't worth a fig!

7 - yes but the spelling is different so different name.

Rowena is one N; Rowenna is two. But it does make the pronunciation different.

Ah, tbh if I met someone with two ns I would say RowENNa. You must meet a lot of people that are "hard of thinking".

I do understand when it’s written down as the two names are so similar. It’s when I clearly say Rowenna, Rowenna, and have Roweeeena repeated back at me I do feel like throwing something at the person! (I don’t!)