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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder when my parents can hold my twins...

19 replies

bookstearocknroll · 04/07/2020 12:54

I'm aware of the rules that have been published so far and try to keep as up to date as I can with current covid guidance. I've obeyed lockdown pretty strictly and plan to still be careful with what I will and won't do, whether it's allowed or not (no pubs for me yet, thanks!).

I've got six month old twins who were two months premature so effectively, we've been in lockdown since January as they were on neonatal and then had to be almost isolated at home until shortly before actual lockdown began.

So, the majority of their family hasn't even met them yet, let alone held them. They've spent the vast majority of their lives with just me and their Dad and I've got obvious concerns about the impact on their socialisation (hopefully there won't be one given they're so young, but still!).

I know I can, as of today, take them to visit my mam and stepdad, who have been desperate to properly interact with them.

We're going round to their house this afternoon and as far as I understand the rules, we'll still need to socially distance within their home but I'd love for them to be able to hold them and play with them.

I'm happy to hold off until we're officially told 'you can now hold someone else's baby' but I can't help but wonder if the Government will ever be that explicit with their advice, given how brief the latest guidance on childcare, etc, is.

Do we wait for longer to give them chance to explicitly spell out the guidance around holding babies or do we, to use Boris' term, use our common sense and let our parents hold the twins, given they've been in lockdown and obeying it strictly too?

Healthwise, the babies are absolutely fine now. My parents are 70 but in good health also.

What would you do?

OP posts:
marvellousmaplesyrup · 04/07/2020 12:59

I will be visiting my parents this weekend, which will be the first time they've seen my DS since he was 6 weeks old.

I will absolutely be letting them have a cuddle with him. The only place either of us have visited since lockdown is the weekly trip to the supermarket so we've weighed up the risks. They have really missed him and us, and I know that the simple act of having a cuddle with their only grandson will do wonders for their mental health.

Go for it OP.

BalanchineBallet · 04/07/2020 13:00
  1. please don’t worry about their socialisation. Just being with their parents for the first six months or even longer will have done no damage at all.

  2. I don’t think the guidance will ever be that explicit. That would mean spelling out every single eventuality which isn’t going to happen.

I’d say it’s your choice of course but personally I would let my parents hug my babies now.

LouiseTrees · 04/07/2020 13:01

In Scotland grandparents can hold babies outside not inside since yesterday.

icedaisy · 04/07/2020 13:01

Not sure where you are, but Scotland now has removed social distancing for under 11. So they can hug and play with up to 8, from no more than 3 households.

So based on that, and the fact we are generally behind England, I would say go for it wherever you are.

icedaisy · 04/07/2020 13:02

Yes outside.

ekidmxcl · 04/07/2020 13:05

It would depend on how much your parents have been out and about. If they've been really careful and only had online shopping, then I think I'd just let them hold the babies.

It will have no impact on their socialisation. Tiny babies need their mum/dad.

thetaleunfolds · 04/07/2020 13:05

I weighed up the risks, and let my mum hold my son. Personal decision against gov guidelines, but I don't exactly feel like the gov has our best interests at heart anyway - if it's not about their economy they don't care

Do what you feel is right

PotteringAlong · 04/07/2020 13:06

I don’t think it will be that explicit either. You need to make your own judgement about this one. I would let them hold them.

DartmoorChef · 04/07/2020 13:07

It's your choice and up to you. The police aren't going to come and arrest you...

user1493413286 · 04/07/2020 13:08

I don’t think they’re going to be that specific or at least not for a long time. We’re letting my pil hold my 4 month old as they don’t go out to work and aren’t seeing anyone else but not anyone else. Imo the risk to my grandparents is higher than the risk to children so they have to risk assess themselves to a certain extent

ShellsAndSunrises · 04/07/2020 13:08

Usually I’d say do whatever feels right and weigh up the risks...

But I think here I’d be worried that the twins were premature and your parents are at risk, and I’d probably visit but not let them hold the babies yet. But that’s my risk assessment, not yours. And we’re being very careful with fiancé’s parents as they are over 70, and if either of us is carrying it asymptomatically, it could kill one of them off.

Congratulations on your babies!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 04/07/2020 13:08

While technically not allowed just yet, if they have been socially distancing and staying home a lot I would let them. The risk is predominently to your parents rather than your children so it's up to them to risk assess if they want to.

FrugiFan · 04/07/2020 13:10

The rules state that you have to stay 1m apart. But nobody would know if you let them hold your babies. You need to do that risk assessment between you and your partner and parents.

FWIW my parents have held my 14 week old baby in the last 2 weeks, as have my husbands parents. But it's a personal choice based on individual levels of risk, how many other people you have seen, where you and your parents work etc. Only you can decide really.

flibbertmygibbert · 04/07/2020 13:10

Could they hold them outside and wear masks. This will reduce some risk?

44PumpLane · 04/07/2020 13:11

Agree with others, use your judgment but by the sounds of it you've all been social distancing so the risk is incredibly low.

I would ensure that everyone wears clothes that haven't been in public (ie don't go to asda then go round) and make sure everyone washes hands then adults maintain social distance while grandparents get to have some big cuddles.

My parents had my 3.5 year old twins Thursday until this morning as it has been my quarterly peak at work and the last one during lockdown was hell, so they offered and we all weighed up the risk and decided it was appropriate.

Grandparents and grandchildren have had the best time!!

LouiseTrees · 04/07/2020 14:43

@LouiseTrees

In Scotland grandparents can hold babies outside not inside since yesterday.
Just to be clear the adults still have to socially distance so we were putting her in a high chair, stepping back and letting them retrieve her from the high chair. Outside with masks for the adults seems a good idea. Also the weather is now rubbish here but we are not breaking the rules so there will be no holding indoors.
garbagegirl · 04/07/2020 14:50

I met my 6wk old niece yesterday. I also hugged my brother (her dad).

We have all followed the rules to the letter until yesterday, today my son has gone to play at his cousins house.

I don't plan to eat out or visit a pub, visit a beach or go unnecessary shopping though. I think we all need to use common sense and just do what we can within our families to keep ourselves safe at this point.

bookstearocknroll · 04/07/2020 18:32

Thanks for the input, everyone. You've all echoed my own thoughts, pretty much!

OP posts:
Namechangecringe · 04/07/2020 18:47

I would let them it if you are concerned you could ask them to self isolate for 1-2 weeks so you know there is no risk.

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