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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask NDN to stop slamming his door?

20 replies

Mamalexi343 · 04/07/2020 11:13

Our NDN has been slamming his back door everytime he goes out for a cigarette for the last 2 months or so and it's waking us all up.

During the day it's irritating especially when I've put DS down for a nap but it's meh it's daytime however he's started doing it at 4am every night without fail which wakes us all up and our DC are the type that once they're awake they're awake so we're all absolutely knackered as there's no chance of getting them back to sleep.

I have spoken to them before about it but it made no difference, the woman is fine and closes it quietly but it's the guy that just walks out and slams it so hard it echos around the house especially at 4am.

I don't have their number so can't text them and it just feels like I'm nagging them now but it's affecting the kids, DD won't go to bed early or have a nap no matter what we've tried.

How would I go about sorting this?

BTW this is nothing to do with him smoking, I've got no problem with that, his garden, his life, his choice, none of my business it's just the door slamming that's the problem.

OP posts:

JaJaDingDong · 04/07/2020 11:20

Ask him again. If he refuses to close the door quietly there's probably nothing else you can do.

TheHighestSardine · 04/07/2020 11:32

Call "Thanks for waking up the whole street again. Could you not?" out the window at him at 4am.

namechanging2020 · 04/07/2020 11:36

You can ask him again, but sounds like he isn't going to listen. Not much you can do really, annoying as it is.

Original poster

Mamalexi343 · 04/07/2020 11:43

No gonna lie I've very loudly snapped with the window open ffs he needs to stop slamming that bloody door!! As our room is at the back of the house, there's no way he didn't hear me.

I know there's not a lot I can do about it I'm just exhausted and fed up of the sound of it.

OP posts:

MinnieJackson · 04/07/2020 11:59

My neighbour does this too! We're semi detached and when she does it, it shakes my whole bedroom! She actually cracked all the glass panes from slamming it and got her doors replaced but still does it! Why can't she use the handle?! I'm too chicken to say anything though and she's a single woman in her 60s with no kids and puts up with my 3 crazy boys noise. She's really lovely aswell but I know how annoying it is. She sometimes even does a double slam of it doesn't catch

heartsonacake · 04/07/2020 12:02

Why did you snap at him loudly at the window instead of going around and having a polite conversation with him? He probably doesn’t realise how loud it is.

But now you’ve snapped at him he’s probably disinclined to be considerate in future.

FishyMcFishyfingersFace · 04/07/2020 12:06

You probably have to try asking him again unfortunately.

I know what it is like, though. We are attached to one neighbour and our back doors are beside each other at the dividing line, and ours is right under our bedroom, making theirs really close too. Depending on who is working which shift we can hear the car getting put into the garage at 1\2\3am waking me up. Then it's hearing the back gate open and close, banging of the back door, then generally hearing someone use the bathroom, filling and boiling the kettle, making drinks and food, plugging things in etc until they go to bed. They are originally from another country and, according to a friend from a similar part of the world, their countries are naturally loud in general, explaining why their normal voices sound like shouting to us, which we can hear in the early hours when more than one of them are working similar shifts!

If you do ask and nothing changes again, if your household is up then start banging your back door at 5am (or another time he might be sleeping), do other normal activities that might wake him, play a trumpet, don't try to curb your volume too much. See if he gets the message. Even if he doesn't you might disturb the woman you mentioned (his wife\partner?) enough for her to give him an ear bashing about it. Passive aggressive, but if mentioning it directly doesn't work then it might be worth a try.

Original poster

Mamalexi343 · 04/07/2020 12:11

I snapped at the window because it was 4am and I'm also sheilding so don't want to risk anything as they've been working right through the pandemic. (I know I can step right back but would rather be safe than sorry)

Hmmm my violin is in the loft, might just get DH to get it down and start giving DD a few midnight lessons 😁

OP posts:

heartsonacake · 04/07/2020 12:13

Well your snapping will have jeopardised any polite relations so you’re probably stuck with it now 🤷‍♀️

UserFriendly14 · 04/07/2020 12:28

Who wouldn’t snap at being woken up by a slamming door at 4am?!

Doesn’t sound like there’s much to do but go round and ask again.

heartsonacake · 04/07/2020 12:29

@UserFriendly14

Who wouldn’t snap at being woken up by a slamming door at 4am?!

Doesn’t sound like there’s much to do but go round and ask again.

She hasn’t been round to ask in the first place!

That’s the problem - he didn’t know it was an issue until snapped at, so he’s not going to be inclined to do her a favour now.

Notwiththeseknees · 04/07/2020 12:31

Yes she has - it's in her OP

IAintentDead · 04/07/2020 12:34

If it's waking the kids up at 4 am maybe that is the time to start the violin lessons.

BUT I very much doubt it would lead to good relations. Why not have a chat with the woman and ask if there is anything she can do. Google 'stop door slamming' and ask if they will fit one of the solutions, if necessary you supply the kit. Not ideal you having to pay for it but I'm sure it would be worth it.

heartsonacake · 04/07/2020 12:34

@Notwiththeseknees

Yes she has - it's in her OP

Fair enough then I’m confused why she pretty much said otherwise in her reply to me

Original poster

Mamalexi343 · 04/07/2020 12:35

@heartsonacake I have asked them before, I asked about a month ago with no change.

OP posts:

Nighttimefreedom · 04/07/2020 12:38

Thing is with things like this, he probably doesn't realise he's doing it and its habit. He will need to retrain himself to do it differently which is a lot of effort if he's not bothered or being constantly reminded.
So I think you're going to have to go and ask again and probably more than once.

CyberPixie · 04/07/2020 13:44

Just be prepared for him to do it more on purpose depending on the type of person he is. If you already asked and he has ignored it in my experience those types tend to become passive aggressive and do it more.

I ended up moving. They got worse, repeatedly slamming the doors 15x in a row several times a night. Slamming the party wall with something heavy in the middle of the night and so much more. Some people are so ignorant and inconsiderate.

RainRainGoAway2020 · 04/07/2020 15:13

She HAS spoken to them about it already as it says on her first post! He’s clearly a dick.

HellSmith · 04/07/2020 15:59

Mine were serial slammers, in & out all day long like a pair of kids they were, there's just no need for it. So on their days off when they thought they were going to have lie in I have a jolly good slamming session. Of course they still slam occasionally, but I think I've more or less trained them up.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 04/07/2020 16:11

What a fucking prick

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