Not to go on family holiday with ex next year.

[Evelefteden]

Exh and I split up late last year but were till on good terms with each other and at points he actually moved back in during lock down for ease with the kids. He was in another part of the house.

The kids are young 7 and 4 and just think that dad has his own house because it’s closer to work. They see him more or less daily.

He has booked a holiday for next year for him and the kids to the hotel we’ve been going to for years. We’ve always had a fantastic holiday there.

He’s asked if I want to go, but I was actually going to use this opportunity to go and see my eldest daughter who lives abroad due to work and spend some quality time with her. She normally visits U.K. about four times a year.

The kids are talking about holiday and assuming I’m going. We’ve always had a wonderful time there.

And I feel a bit shit and guilty about it now.

Go see your daughter and enjoy yourself, at some point you will have to make the transition for the kids that you are no longer together. It's great that it's been so amicable, but a lot can happen in a year - one or both of you could have met someone so I think him having a holiday with them is a good thing

Yanbu. They’ll be with their dad so they’ll still have a great time. You’ll be able to have a holiday with them too at some point I don’t doubt.

Me and my ex are also on good terms. We’ve already said that if one of us books a holiday we’ll all just go together. But I wouldn’t be upset if ex decided that actually he doesn’t want to come.

I agree with the other two PPs. You need to start making the transition to them knowing you are separated at some point.

I think you need to tell the kids you broke up. It’s a tough thing to do but you need to separate fully. I get on fine with my ex but a holiday together would be too much!

I don't think that would be very fair on your older daughter , presumably she knows that you have split up. I would spend the quality time with her. Plus if either of you meet someone else you might not be welcome anyway.

You need to be honest with the kids and tell them you've split up. The younger they are the easier it'll be.

Yes I know I need to bite the bullet with telling them properly but I dont think I can’t find the right words tbh.

Yes eldest dd knows. And wants me to go over. She works for an airline so we can pretty much go anywhere really cheap and was looking forward to it.

But I just feel really guilty about it

You NEED to tell your children that you are separated.
There are a wealth of books and resources on Amazon that are age appropriate.
The fact that you have co parented so amicably so far is great but how long to you intend to keep them in the dark?

You have to tell them OP. If you are not going to get back together do it now. If not when do you tell them? They will soon realise when they are in school that their set up at home is different to other families. Do you really want the news to be broken to them by a classmate? How will you rebuild their trust when they eventually find out?