To ask what your experience of being the second wife is like...

[Illy603]

Yeah, pretty much that...

Second wife as in polygamy? Or just as in next wife?!

@WakeAndBake
I think that it's quite obvious what Illy means

My husband and his wife had split 15 years before we met, so it was never an issue.

I shouldn't laugh, but the suggestion of polygamy is hilarious

The first time I married I was his second wife, I never felt threatened or worried, had a good relationship with his ex and son and all ok. I ended the marriage several years later for reasons unrelated to being wife no 2.

This time I'm his second wife, it's been amazing, we are soulmates, had lead very similar lives and marriages. Have lots in common, similar values and 19 years later and 16 married we are still very happy. However in the beginning his ex wife and I didn't always get on, there were difficulties with contact to his children but I'm glad to say time is a healer and we have a cordial relationship now.

Is this what you meant.

@IHaveBrilloHair
I know. It's bloody ridiculous here sometimes.

I don't mean any disrespect @Illy603 and I can't obviously provide you the first hand testimony you desire...

But as a suggestion, why not share a bit of your own experience before just bluntly demanding that people share theirs?

What's YOUR experience of being a second wife? How that can encourage us to share our experiences with you?

In fairness to @WakeAndBake, I had the same question... When I read the reply from @ElizabethMainwaring, I thought "Is it? Well which one?"

Maybe it's the friends I have . There's a bloke at work who ppl refer to as my "work husband" (nothing flirty, it's just because of the jobs we do and we squabble a lot). I also have a close married (lesbian) couple who DH and I go on holiday with, and I'm referred to as the second wife, and DH the first husband. Everyone uses language differently I guess.

Mind you, there are lots of threads here about affairs etc. I think it's easy to assume it was someone using the term "wife" colloquially rather than literally.

I am not a second wife, but my husband is my second husband. Yes there has been one before him, but I was secure in myself and knew what I wanted from life. He has never said that he feels lesser because he is second.

I introduce my DH as my FIRST husband. LOL

@BlazeMonsterMachine
I thought that op meant literally second wife, as in Wife number 1; divorce; second marriage.
I could be wrong.
Perhaps op needs to return with clarification and to share her own experience.

@redwoodmazza
'Current husband' works too.

I'm a second wife, first marriage ended childless 18 years before we met so no issue at all.

Agreed - the whole terse "tell us about being a second wife" gives no context from the OP as to what she meant

A nice anecdote to demonstrate their interest would be a good way to ensure responses that actually met the brief

Really blaze

You genuinely would be confused and pause if in hospital someone asked you if you were your husbands wife and start wittering about lesbian couples and work colleagues?

OP, I think the real difference is if you are the second wife because of death, or because of divorce, to be honest.

I also think there is a big difference in whether you are a second wife due to divorce or death.
I was a second wife due to the latter, it was not a positive experience.

Weird question. Unless your second spouse comes with a lot of 'baggage' (ex still very much on the scene, mutual friends, young children etc) why would it make any difference to your marriage whether you're the second wife?

@GinDaddyRedux she may not have any experience of it to tell you about it ......

@darkcaramel I think you might have missed my point. I can't imagine a hospital asking anything along the lines of "are you the second wife?"

Wife, yes.... Second wife - seems odd. Unless there was context and then it would (of course!) be clear!

But mumsnet.... Let's face it, it could be anything. Including polygamy! (it is obviously illegal in the UK, but not everywhere. Also, although it's illegal, there are still news stories about things like that).

I was only sticking up for @WakeAndBake as I thought @ElizabethMainwaring was a bit harsh.

I agree with posters who are suspicious. I suspect it's just someone fishing. Yawn.

A bit harsh?
'Second wife'. It's not some obscure, archaic, hardly ever used term is it?
Second - adjective
Wife - noun.

'Second wife'. It's not some obscure, archaic, hardly ever used term is it?

Yes, the term is absolutely precise. But it tells you nothing about whether the first wife is (a) gone due to divorce, (b) gone due to death or (c) still in place.

You're right that polygamy is fairly unlikely to be the scenario, but there's no harm in getting OP to clarify. Especially as her post was so lacking in detail.