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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I the problem or is dp....

40 replies

FortniteBoysMum · 03/07/2020 23:35

Any one else ever feel like it would be easier being a single parent. My partner seems to think I let our autistic child get away with too much but there is a difference in knowing when to pick your battles and this surely is one not too. I feel like my other half(his dad) just doesn't under stand him. He thinks alot of it is him being naughty and makes it ten times harder blaming me for not being strict. Like his off back to work in the morning and surprise suprise his just told our son his removing all his console time tomorrow. Why you might wonder? Because he didn't want to go back into our room and turn off a light switch. Our eldest forgets to do this all the time and I just turn it off then tell him. Instead he makes a huge fuss about it trys force him do it. Guess who will pay the price tomorrow when his bored with nothing to do. It won't be him sat at work but me with him in a bad mood starting on his brother all day. My son is currently telling me how mean I am and that he hates me and wants to shoot himself. I'm honestly at breaking point I'm so exhausted.

OP posts:
Summercamping · 07/07/2020 08:45

He won't give you the password? That's unacceptable.
I would ring a computer store, tell them you're locked out because you've forgotten your password and ask them how to reset everything.
And I'd be weighing up the relationship to see whether there's any reason to stay in it.

LillianBland · 07/07/2020 08:57

His set a password for a timer on the xbox ages ago and I do not know it because he said I will give extra time. Same with kids tablets. Feel like one of the kids sometimes.

No bloody way, would I stand for that. There are more problems in your relationship, than how he bully’s your son, OP. He’s treating you as if you’re nearly there to do his bidding and he’s deliberately punishing you, by withdrawing things from the children. He knows that, and if you’re honest with yourself, you know that too.

Firebolt2020 · 07/07/2020 08:58

I agree with @Summercamping’s suggestion. There is a whole load more going on here than not turning of a light switch.

Firebolt2020 · 07/07/2020 08:58

*off

picklemewalnuts · 07/07/2020 09:00

I'm sorry, but while you've been learning about parenting and your son's condition, your DH has turned into a controlling twat.

You will find life much easier on your own.

DomDoesWotHeWants · 07/07/2020 09:00

This is abusive. I would consider my future with this prick.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/07/2020 09:07

I made it very clear to DH early on that he was not to set consequences for the DC that I have to enforce without my agreement. If he wants a draconian punishment then he has to deal with the fallout.

ChristmasFluff · 07/07/2020 09:13

You and your children will be far better off when you are a single parent. And you will have the x-box password.

How fucking dare he not give it to you?

that one act shows he doesn't respect you or see you as a partner. You are a subordinate. Of course he swans off to work leaving you to carry out his orders - that's your job as he sees it. His is to give the orders.

You don't have a partner. You have a controller

Inaquandry19 · 07/07/2020 09:13

Similar situation here OP. Is is so hard. I wish i had some answers.

MashedPotatoBrainz · 07/07/2020 09:30

As an autistic adult with 2 autistic children can I just say that I think your partner is fucking evil. Depriving an autistic child of their 'calm' for a minor infringement is out of order. Playing games, watching vidoes etc is very often a form of stimming, it gives us peace. Your partner knows how much this will upset your son, he is choosing to inflict that upset on your son. What a bastard.

hadtojoin · 07/07/2020 13:18

If it was the other way round and you told him he was not allowed to tell your child off for anything you would let go while you weren't there, would he stick to it ?
I would also not agree to him controlling you and the kids by not letting you have the password "because he said I will give extra time" He is not the only one allowed to make rules. He is not your boss he's your partner and he should trust you to make your own decisions for your children.

UltimateWednesday · 07/07/2020 13:24

Regardless of who had to enforce it that's a completely disproportionate punishment.

I didn't use any of the sanctions that punished me as much as the children. My kids were never grounded for example. Why, when you're going through a tricky time at home, would you confine everyone to the house?!

I'd have been furious if DH imposed mk screen time then scanned off to work.

FWIW DC are 17 &19yo now, they don't always switch lights off but they don't cause anyone any trouble.

MinnieJackson · 07/07/2020 21:01

Id be so angry! It seems a harsh punishment to be honest and I know that this would cause a huge meltdown with my son that would result in no sleep and an even harder day tomorrow. It's really hard though if you're not on the same page when it comes to discipline. I totally agree that you do sometimes need to pick your battles

Londonmummy66 · 07/07/2020 21:26

If DH wants to impose a punishment for tomorrow then he can take DS to work with him and police it...

Starlightstarbright1 · 07/07/2020 22:08

With a NT child this is an extreme response..

Children all over the land concrantly forget to turn off lights..

I also think there are bigger issues.. If you dpn't agree he doesn't get to hide the passowrd from you.. you ar enot a child..

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