Being upset after finding out former best friends DC has been take into care..

[lockdownmu]

We haven't been friends since 2013 - she flounced out of my daughter's baptism before we got to the church. But I found out the other day her DC who is a year older than my oldest has been taken into care.
She's posting on Instagram and FB all holiday memories and things.
I feel very upset and so does my DH who was fond of her DC.
She hasn't asked for help. I just wonder what if anything we can do.

[OhCaptain]

OP seems to have disappeared so maybe this isn't all it seems to be!

[Zeroenergy]

YANBU for having empathy. I feel sad for kids who go in to care in general whether I know them or not, I’m unsure how it can be unreasonable to find this a bit sad.

[NudgeUnit]

You havent been concerned about the child for that long, so I cant figure out why you want to be involved/do something now.

She hasn't been concerned about the child because she didn't know anything was wrong. After so much time has passed, I can't see that OP can offer much meaningful help, but the impulse to want to is entirely natural. Most of us would feel for any child who has to be taken into care and this is not some random stranger. I'm surprised how many posters are criticising the OP for having the audacity to wish she could make things better.

[pictish]

I can understand your dismay to learn of that update but what could you possibly do? You’re a stranger to them.

[SoulofanAggron]

What was the flouncing out of the baptism about? It sounds like she's bad news. You broke friends with her for a reason. In my experience, if you get back friends with an ex-friend, something nasty usually happens again, because they're the same person they were.

I know social service aren't always right, but I imagine most likely if someone has their child taken off them it's because they've done something pretty major wrong.

Combined with the baptism incident, it would make me think she's a bit of a chav and will cause drama. Avoid. xxx

[BrummyMum1]

Do you think some of the sadness you’re feeling is also guilt that you didn’t reach out sooner and see how she was? You could get back in touch but do it in a humble way and don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want to know you.

[TheBouquets]

@Eggyhead7 sadly I have seen the same as you, good friends getting involved with the wrong type of man possibly with drink and drugs in the scenario. These partners are usually living in the female's household and not providing themselves or the girlfriend with a home. The females lose their friends and family.
It is just so very sad for the females, the children and the family and friends of the females. Something should be done. I no longer agree with the idea that it has to come from the female in a bad situation to ask for help. I think friends and family should be able to get help for the female and children.

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Ah give OP a break

It’s horrible and sad news to divest
I’d be very troubled too

But also agree you can’t do anything for her now

Presumably she was a draining person ?

[GarlicSoup]

@Forallyouknow

You have no idea what’s gone on in her life for this to have come about ... sometimes a good friend and a bit of support can make all the difference. Reaching out and offering genuine support may be gratefully received and even if you cannot offer to care for the child then maybe you can help her to sort out her situation so she can get her child back.

This is the most sensible reply.

[hareagain]

If you're not sure of the circumstances, she may be in genuine need of some support right now. Why would you not? Maybe try and find out a bit more about what's happened.

[impossible]

Could you make contact with your old friend and (without offering to help) offer sympathy and try to find out what's happening? If you then feel you might be able to help you could open a discussion. Helping might involve caring for DC, which would involve social services checks etc, but might prevent DC being moved to many different foster homes when Ch is very common.
Be careful tho. Don't make offers you can't keep.

[impossible]

.. which is very common..

[lockdownmu]

Coming back...
I haven't not been in contact over the last 7 years...
I send her emails every so often and via a large group of mutual (very good) friends we have all kept in contact with her.
I can't avoid being in contact with her...
That's why she comes up on my social media feed.
It's only recently she's been posting loads of IF and to be honest knowing what I know I did want to unfollow her.
But it feels like I'm totally dumping her.
I'm not the emotional vampire - this person has treated me really badly for decades - telling me I was fat then telling me she was the only one who understood me.
The christening was when I broke off being best friends with her.
But we were still in contact.

[lockdownmu]

Sorry Instagram not IF...

[lockdownmu]

It's just her DC I've known since he was born and it seems so sad...

[StealthPolarBear]

I do get where people are coming from, but you also people who have been through a bad time saying the people they thought they could rely on were nowhere to be found and friends they hadn't seen for years were wonderful

[Jeeperscreepers69]

Keep out of her buisness. Its a tough time. If she needs you she will reach out. Kids dont get took into care lightly. Do you really want to be in the thick of this?

[AlternativePerspective]

While I wouldn’t get involved, I would be horrified and really upset to learn a former friend’s child had been taken into care. Not least because it would make me think that this person was someone I hadn’t known at all.

As the oP and this woman have mutual friends I would imagine that if it was because of a terminal illness that would have come out by now.

[Bettyboo1957]

Very sad indeed- odd to flounce out of a baptism ( rows and fights at funerals is one thing but a baptism?) She cant have any suitable family to help her out by looking after the child. Why are you still following her on social media.......I think you have to reassess your agenda

[GimmeAy]

Keep your nose out. You don't like her, she has fallen on hard times - not as if you're going to help her out.

[Jeeperscreepers69]

@impossible. What the hell. O hi i no we arnt friends now but im going to foster your kid. In the real world this is not going to happen. Where do you get the idea this is a easy process? I work with kids in care and i assure you a friend isnt a suitable option to foster. Too many holes and minefields

[Blossom513]

Did I miss the part where OP said they wanted to foster the child?

[Ethicalbluey45]

You haven't been friends since 2013 so basically its got nothing to do with you yes you are allowed to feel bad for her but turning up and offering help would not be greatly received .Personally if my ex friend comes to me offering me help I will most likely tell her to do one and not in a very polite way

[Shewhomustgowithoutname]

Ethical that is a bit harsh

[pictish]

True though