Baby is terrified of anyone but DH and me

[SideEyeing]

Just wanted to know if anyone else has similar worries. DD (7m) has spent a good half of her life in lockdown. Before it came into effect she was seeing MIL regularly and my own parents came to stay a fair few times. She had no problem being held/cuddled by either grandparent. When she was 12w lockdown was implemented and she's only been able to see MIL at a distance for a few weeks. My parents are on the other side of the country.

Since bubbles came into effect we've "bubbled" with MIL who of course has been desperate to hug DD. She won't have it. Happy to interact with her and smile but screams her head off if she's picked up. I know this is probably her age (to an extent, exacerbated by lockdown and a lack of interaction with anyone else) but I'm really worried. I'm due back at work FT in September and DD will be in nursery 4 days a week and with MIL for the fifth. Nursery have told me that due to covid I'll only be able to come in for half an hour of her first "settling in" day in August, then it's door drops. I'm really, really upset about how distressed this will make her. It's too late for me to extend mat leave and financially not viable for us anyway. We're trying to have MIL round as much as possible (which is lovely in some ways but hard in others. I've struggled a bit with PND and I'm a bit of a mess sometimes.. Maybe good for me though) but it's not getting any better.

What the hell do I do?!

We're in a similar boat - tbh our DD is just going to have to get used to it! She loved her grandparents before, they're decent people who take good care of her, it's just as irrational as her crying at the tumble dryer IMO. We've been pushing through it, lots of cuddles with Nana, me giving Nana lots of cuddles while she watches, leaving them together etc - it's been loud, but it's working.

I think 7 months is quite a clingy age generally. My kids were and they went to toddler groups etc.

I've known babies/toddlers with preferences for or fears of some people, but they all grow out of it. She'll get used to your MIL again. Try not to worry about it. She still has two months before you go back to work.

I think seven months is prime time for separation anxiety to kick in. Maybe it's less that your MIL is holding her and more that when MIL is holding her it's not good enough because it's not you or DH? It's very normal to show that sort of behaviour at that age. if that is what it is then she will grow out of it soon enough.

completely normal
Leave the room and leave dc with granny and toys and books.
Wait half hour.
I bet dc gives up crying and starts playing.

(Granny needs to stay calm though and not get in a tizz)

Then when you appear dc will cry again as if yo punish you.

DS is older but often has phases like this. Your DD just needs to get used to being around other people again. The more time she plays near her grandmother, the more used to her she'll be. Don't force her to hug people she doesn't want to, she'll do it in her own time when she's comfortable

I seem to remember many years ago now visiting my parents when my DD1 was around that age. We have never lived near to them and it had been two or three months since she had last seen them. On this occasion she got very anxious and cried whenever one of them picked her up. That did subside over the two or three days we were staying with them - she calmed down and became less wary.

I think that is a very clingy age really, when babies are comfortable with people they have always spent time with but wary of others. Lockdown has been a long time for such babies this year. They may have little or no memory of the last time they saw this person, even though the person is a grandparent.

My DD is 25 now, but I do still remember that occasion quite well. It was a phase. It didn't last too long and over time she became a fairly confident and outgoing toddler who would talk the hind leg off a donkey no matter who she was with.

It's the age. Separation anxiety kicks in. Perfectly normal. Ds1 wanted me constantly at that age but he was fine when he started childcare and I went back to work FT. Ds2 is 8mo and not quite as bad but still bursts into tears when I leave the room even if other people in it! Don't worry.

It’s separation anxiety, totally normal at that age.

Lockdown has definitely not helped. I have a 9 month old who will cry if I sit her down opposite someone else in our garden. Before lockdown she was totally happy to be held by anyone and she's still a smily,happy baby the rest of the time. I think once she's allowed to be held by someone else (we don't have any one to bubble with at the moment) then she'll just have to get used to it.

Thank you all. To be fair, MIL has been very good about it and totally understanding. My hopes are not high for my own Mum being quite as unhurt when she eventually comes to visit..

My DD went through a similar stage at that age and lockdown wasn’t even an issue at the time. It had got better by the time I went back to work a couple of months later where she would go to people she had gotten to know a bit. If she’s crawling would let your DD go to your mil rather than her persist in trying to pick her up; if not then suggest that your mil just carries on playing and interacting with her close by.

You truly have nothing to worry about. It's an interesting phenomena, but if a baby does go through a phase of separation anxiety, it almost always kicks off at 7 months old. Like any phase, this too shall pass. She will be perfectly fine.

It's very normal regardless of lockdown. DC3 is 7 months and hasn't cried when picked up by MIL or left with other family members in the garden. We've said this is so unusual. DC1 only had to be looked at by a man and she'd be wailing.

We're in the same boat, my nine month old is so clingy now. Its definitely normal at this age, but I'm sure lockdown has exacerbated it. We've been taking the slowly slowly approach now my mum has joined our bubble. So she'll sit next to us on the sofa, talk to baby about her toys, play peekaboo etc. It can take a while but she's managed to get a couple of cry free cuddles recently. We just let baby warm up to it in her own time, and I'm sure it'll get easier with more practice.

I don't have advice for at home, but honestly I've worked with very young children previously and it's always much better not to hang around too long. Give them lots of positive cuddles and a kiss beforehand but don't let it be a big deal that you are leaving. I found this so hard with my own dd, but it makes it better for them and they really don't stay upset for very long at all once you're gone. It is hard though, one of the hardest moments for me personally. I wish you all the best with it .

7 months is when the baby realises he/she is a separate person from you. This leads to a typically very clingy period of separation anxiety. She understands for the first time that you could leave her. Mine is going through this now, and it's awful for my mother: a long period away in lockdown, and now she can finally visit, she can't cuddle her, and we're moving house in a month's time.

Thanks again. It's really reassuring to hear other babies behave in a similar way. I guess it's just going to have to be a slow constant exposure process! We're also having a shit storm trying to get her to take a bottle. She's been ebf up until now (bar weaning) and I've never had much luck expressing. She absolutely refuses a bottle of formula, no matter what bottle, teat (inc 30 quid spent on expensive "nipple like" Minbie ones). Even if I go out and leave DH to tackle it no joy, she just fights until she's apoplectic and sobbing.

Have you tried mam bottles? I use those with BF baby, as have several I know and babies seem to like them.

It's totally normal to have separation anxiety at this age. You just need to ride it out as harsh as that probably sounds. You have ages until September and a lot can change until then.

As for the bottles, keep trying. Have you tried offering expressed milk in a sippy cup? I'd focus on increasing solids in preparation for nursery rather than worrying about her milk intake. Mine were FF, but both were well established on solids by 9 months.

The main thing to remember is that regardless of what you do at home, she will slot into the routine at nursery. So don't focus too much on getting her into a set routine/pattern for nursery. They are used to babies being upset with them and know how to help them.