To still feel upset (malicious allegation)

[Pitterpatterpotter]

I had a malicious allegation made about me to social services a few years ago and the experience triggered ptsd. I didn’t seek help for ages because I was so scared to admit how bad the anxiety was in case the doctor called SS as that had become my biggest fear/ trauma trigger. I finally got the help I needed for ptsd after a few years and feel less traumatised but I’m still so sad. In some way it has stopped me enjoying my children fully for many years as the fear of them being taken affected me so badly. I am now less anxious but feel so guilty that I lived in fear for so long - it was so bad that I had a panic attack if I saw someone near my house that I didn’t recognise and I literally didn’t trust anyone.
How do I move on? We have moved and dc’s school are not aware of what happened which in some ways makes it more lonely as I always feel I have a guilty secret even though I did nothing wrong.

I was maliciously reported too. It really, really messes with you, doesn't it? The way I moved past it was knowing that the police came and investigated even though there was no evidence. That means that, if my children (or any other children) are in danger, there's nothing that will stop the police keeping them safe. So, although it hurts and is scary, it's balanced out because what we went through (in a round about way) keeps children safe.

Thanks for your reply. The anniversary of the allegation is coming up which is why it’s on my mind so much. The SW was so kind and the reports were all positive but the fact I’m still ‘on record’ troubles me. I struggled a lot with shame and wouldn’t tell any friends or family for ages

OP - if you are worrying about being 'on record' then surely it would say that you were a victim of a malicious allegation and that the case, if any, is now closed

Yes it does say it was a malicious and unfounded allegation on the report but the shame the allegation made me feel was still horrendous. I also worry that people who don’t know me might think there is no smoke without fire and so I’ve lived in constant fear of another allegation. It completely messed me up. I’m less anxious now but just so sad that this action has taken so much from me.

I don't believe in "there's no smoke without fire". Some people are just really bitter, jealous, mean, nasty or mentally ill, or whatever else and do things like make unfounded allegations.

So sorry to hear you went through that. It's a form of bullying, isn't it? It sort of seems like it.

Good luck x

No advice here, but hoping to hear some as dh had similar and it's really affecting him 2 years on. On ADs, a shadow if his former self, angry etc

I dont understand how people can be so so cruel and malicious and get away with it. Ruining someone's life on a whim. It's so unfair, so you have all our sympathy and love.

I get that anniversaries are hard, ours is coming soon and I'm getting anxious, I'd imagine dh is too

When the police came to my house, one of the officers said that in the six years he'd been policing, he'd never been called out for a call of this type that was not malicious - never once. These cases are so common - honestly, no one is judging because so many people have gone through it.

Thank you for your kindness. I was a shadow of myself for years and not long after the investigation, which was over very quickly, I felt suicidal. I feel like I was robbed of years enjoying and having fun with my dc. I have drawn a before and after line and haven’t fully trusted anyone I’ve met since.
I’m still on a low dose of ADs and although am over the worst of the trauma, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. My dc don’t remember it thankfully but because of my job I’ve had to declare it even though it was an unfounded allegation - that has been horrendous. The woman who did it was spiteful but in the end still got away with what she did to me.

Do you know who did it and why?
It might help to move on if you can understand that the person who did it was mentally ill for example.

I had the same thing happen. A malicious referral, ss turned up to my door unannounced and demanded to see my children. The person had referred me and made up all sorts of lies, the social services contact the school/doctors/dentist, it’s was awful. The case was eventually closed but it still follows me around as the school still clearly judge me and I feel they will always associate that with even though the case was closed I feel like I’m still being monitored by them. It’s a stigma. I never found out who it was, well I did, I asked for a copy of the referral and the referral makes it clear who it was, though that person denies it , but it’s out of two people, one says it wasn’t her and the other person tried to frame her apparently and the other one just says it was that person. Due to what was in the referral it could only be a close family member which hurts the most, and I will never truly know who did it but it broke up the family as I now no longer talk to either of them and a lot of family have taken different sides. It wasn’t worth it as the case was closed and I could prove the things to be lies, why do these people do it? I will never get over it and I agree with what you said about people thinking no smoke without fire. I took ds to the doctors shortly after the case was closed and the dr asked me “why I was under social services “ I was really shocked that they had put it on my drs notes even though at that point it was only a referral which had been closed, could understand if they were put on a plan or something but it had never reached that stage. I told him I wasn’t and it had been closed but he clearly didn’t believe me as a few weeks later my son had to go to the drs again and had to go to a&e, the dr sent me with a letter to give to a&e and silly me didn’t open it before handing it over but the dr had put in the letter that I was under ss for safe guarding concerns as the hospital staff confronted me over it. I had to put in a complaint at the drs to get it removed from the records. So yep these things do follow you around I’m afraid. I’ve never fallen out with any of the two people so it was totally random.

I've never heard of this happening. How awful.
OP you sound properly traumatized by this incident, could you look into therapy to move past it?

I’m so sorry, OP, this happened to a friend of mine. She has been through the wringer and I can empathise that it stays with you forever. I honestly believe that people who do this should be prosecuted, they deserve a serious punishment.