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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with husband for letting neighbour cut hedge?

32 replies

Peeza86 · 03/07/2020 13:42

I know this is such a trivial issue...

We moved into our house 18 months ago. We love it but the only ‘fault’ is that the boundary hedge is still young. We’re on a corner plot on a busy road with a bus stop right next to the garden so there’s no privacy. I’m a bit socially awkward and feel self conscious when I’m playing in the garden with the kids, in the paddling pool etc. It’s a short term issue as we’re growing the hedge out. The hedge is 100% on our property.

DH was talking to the neighbour to the rear of us, and they asked to trim the hedge a little so it’s easier for them to see when they come out of their garage/driveway. It’s at the bottom of their garden, on the other side of our rear boundary. So he said yes and they’ve chopped a good 30-60cm off the top, all along the rear boundary line. Now the little bit of screening that’s grown there has completely gone at that end of the garden.

DH doesn’t understand why I’m upset. I know there’s nothing I can do about it except to let it grow again but I’m worried they will keep cutting it. I think he should have a (nice) chat with them to say there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding and ask them not to cut the hedge again. I think it’s fair he does this since he caused the problem in the first place. He says he’s not going to do anything and that I’m being ridiculous for expecting him to.

Am I being unreasonable for asking him to do this?

OP posts:
wineandroses1 · 03/07/2020 13:47

Your DH is a useless prat isn't he? Why can't he have that conversation with them? He should be pretty bloody cross himself that he gave permission for a trim and they took 30-60cm. If he won't do it, you should go and tell neighbours that they took too much off and next time they need to talk to you before they cut anything. In the meantime, can you fix some sort of cheap fencing up to regain your privacy?

LakieLady · 03/07/2020 13:48

I hope he was 100% sure there were no birds nesting in the hedge.

I never cut ours between April-September. We have sparrows and robins nesting in it.

This year, March was so wet that I never got a chance to do and it's looking really shaggy.

Minniee · 03/07/2020 13:48

We need a diagram before we can decide.

StudyBuddy · 03/07/2020 13:48

I think you need to balance up you feeling awkward with the risk of a car accident (potentially hitting one of your children) because your neighbours can't see. In the kindest way possible, sort out your priorities - your husband made 100% the correct decision. Sounds like your hedge was dangerous and you were expecting your husband to be intentionally difficult and potentially psychic.

Original poster
Peeza86 · 03/07/2020 14:19

I absolutely don’t want any children to get hurt. The set up isn’t uncommon in our area. Many driveways are alongside tall hedges. Some houses have those little mirrors set up to get better views. Also, when I say it’s a busy road, there’s many cars, buses and people going by but it’s a 20mph limit. I accept some people will always break the rules.

It’s a beech hedge, not bushy at all at the moment so definitely no birds. Beech isn’t meant to be trimmed until late August so it holds onto its leaves for the winter so I don’t know what will happen to it now.

If I can work out how to put up a diagram I will.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peeza86 · 03/07/2020 14:23

Also, a tall fence is out of the question as we’re on the corner plot. Unless we lose a good chunk of the garden by moving the boundary of the garden. I don’t have the money to do that anyway.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 03/07/2020 14:44

Just put a small fence up in the garden near this bit of hedge. Then you are protected and they can keep the hedge lower there to see out when leaving their drive. Or do you want them to have an accident as they can’t see due to your hedge

Shoxfordian · 03/07/2020 15:05

Why do you think anyone would want to watch you in your garden? I think yabu here

MyOwnSummer · 03/07/2020 15:13

YANBU and someone really does need to speak with the neighbours otherwise they will keep on cutting it. If he is too spineless to correct his own mistake, you'll have to do it.

UnfinishedSymphon · 03/07/2020 15:17

@Shoxfordian

Why do you think anyone would want to watch you in your garden? I think yabu here
So you'd be quite happy for everybody walking/driving/on the bus to be able to see into your garden....I certainly wouldn't. I like my privacy.

There are tall hedges on either side of driveways where we are and there's never been an accident on this road, it's down to the motorists to take responsibility for their road awareness

FlaskMaster · 03/07/2020 15:17

Yabu to tell your dh to go and give the neighbours your opinion! He thought it was ok, he told them so, he hasn't changed his mind, but accepts you disagree with him, and is willing to let you make the decision about it, even though he disagrees. He just wants you to be the one to tell the neighbours. Get on with it. He couldn't be more reasonable imo.

notacooldad · 03/07/2020 15:21

There hasnt been a misunderstanding though. Your neighbours asked, your Dh agreed it and they did it.

CarolVordermansArse · 03/07/2020 15:23

Could you put a mirror up so they can see?
There would be no reason to cut the hedge then.

Skyliner001 · 03/07/2020 15:25

@Shoxfordian

Why do you think anyone would want to watch you in your garden? I think yabu here
No I totally get it. Privacy is key. YANBI
UnfinishedSymphon · 03/07/2020 15:25

@CarolVordermansArse

Could you put a mirror up so they can see? There would be no reason to cut the hedge then.
Why should OP put a mirror up for them, why can't they put up their own mirror?
Isthisfinallyit · 03/07/2020 15:26

Just tell them you'll put a mirror up for safety but you're letting the hedge grow again. It's your garden, there is no need to compromise on your privacy if you put a mirror up. Give the bill to DH.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 03/07/2020 15:27

Get cheap fencing
Maybe your husband is socially awkward and the idea of having an embarrassing convo with the neighbours is his idea of hell
Plan your garden so it makes you comfortable

Original poster
Peeza86 · 03/07/2020 15:29

@notacooldad There is a misunderstanding as he said they could give it a trim and in some parts they have cut down 60cm. I wouldn’t consider that a trim.

OP posts:
CarolVordermansArse · 03/07/2020 15:31

@UnfinishedSymphon
Why should OP put a mirror up for them, why can't they put up their own mirror?

Because it looks as if neither the OP or her OH wants to speak to them about the matter so asking them to put one up is not looking like a solution on the basis than neither of them want to ask them not to cut the hedge again.

Original poster
Peeza86 · 03/07/2020 15:35

The section in yellow is the bit they have cut back. To be honest, I can’t see how it will help them see out of their drive since they haven’t touched the part running alongside the pavement.

I accept I will have to speak to them about it as I don’t want them to cut it again.

To be furious with husband for letting neighbour cut hedge?
OP posts:
Cailleach1 · 03/07/2020 15:35

The op doesn't have any responsibility to maintain a sight line for a neighbouring property. They have a perfect right to allow a hedge to grow if they wish as long as no planning rules are broken.

Nobody needs to be hurt here. If the sightline exiting from the garage isn't safe, the neighbour could explore other options including changing the driveway, installing a mirror or even parking on the road. However, that is a matter for the neighbour.

CrystalMaisie · 03/07/2020 15:37

Go and talk to the neighbours yourself, otherwise expect more miscommunication.

Cailleach1 · 03/07/2020 15:50

If your OH wants a total cop-out, he could approach them and say you are growing the hedge on your property for privacy/security. He was reminded of this on talking with you, or he had forgotten it or some such. So, he knows he gave the go ahead this time, but please do not touch it in future.

He could just throw a ' you could/should probably put a mirror in like others have'.

He should do it. However, if want it put in no uncertain terms, you may be best.

BacklashStarts · 03/07/2020 15:54

Well no one should be cutting a hedge right now! But now it’s done I’m on the fence - how tall is it now?

MarinaSirena · 03/07/2020 16:13

Your husband's mistake was to let them cut the hedge. He should have said he'd cut it, so he could control how much was taken off.

Anyway, it's done now, but in future you want to be the ones cutting the hedge. Do you have the neighbour's mobile number? If so, text them that you realise they need the hedge kept to a certain level for practical reasons, and in future you will do it - could they just tell you when it needs doing. I did this with a CF neighbour who decided part of our hedgerow was 'his'. He hasn't cut it since, we now cut it so that it retains our privacy, and we are still on good terms.

If you haven't got their mobile number, put a note through the door.

I assume as you've got a hedge, you've got means to cut it - if not, you'll need to get shears/hedge cutters.

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