Worried about ds on iPad

[Tiny37373]

My ds9 loves his iPad. During lockdown he has spent much more time than usual on it but in the absence of school and activities I've let it go (also because I am working full time from home and it keeps him quiet). He plays games on it like roblox and Minecraft, watches videos and speaks to his friends and his dad on FaceTime. He does school work as well and only uses it during his free time but just lately I've noticed a lot more resistance to come off it.

A few times I've insisted he comes to get dressed or have a meal and he's been so angry. It's not like him at all. He's usually a very placid boy and does what he's told.

How do I tackle this? I don't want to remove it altogether because it's his interaction with his friends and his dad. But I need to make him see that it's not healthy to become so obsessed with it that he gets that angry when asked to put it down.

Please no 'lazy parenting' comments. This are extreme times and he does still do schoolwork and get exercise.

set screentime limits on the ipad (easy to follow instructions on how to do this here). Let him know you are doing this, and that the time won't be extended once shut off. You can choose to block all apps at certain times, or just specific apps.

@sleepismysuperpower1 yes I think time restrictions might be the way forward but then I'm tasked with finding other ways to occupy him which isn't always easy when I'm working myself. I feel a bit mean. Dp said 'it's only the same as you always looking at your phone'

But I can't cope with the hysterics and arguments when he's politely asked to come off it for a valid reason.

I don’t think it’s just the iPad. I don’t know many kids that haven’t had a behavioural deterioration in the last month in particular. There’s a huge reduction in outlet for them and very little change in environment.

I think maybe plan some time when you are not working to do something different like board games, big walk adventure, treasure hunt around the house, cinema night, park play date etc if you’re not already.

We’re all just a big screwed at the moment. It’s honestly not just you

@MiddleClassProblem we do have a daily walk after work every evening. And I try and help him with school work and set him off with creative tasks during the day but sometimes the iPad just becomes a default option. He's always loved playing on it but he's become almost addicted to it now and it's worrying to see.

Thank you for the reassurance, I feel like a crap mum this week :(

I genuinely think that iPad or PC screens somehow alter children in a very different way to watching TV - it's a more intense experience, and doesn't always have a natural endpoint. As adults we can be guilty of binging on a box set etc (just one more....and then next thing you know it's 2am!!). So children are just as susceptible to this.

I have found that giving an early warning of coming off the screen is helpful - eg a 5 minute warning (but you need to actually mean the 5 minutes, not stretch it to 15). Then allow for a further 5 or 10 minute mental 'transition' period before the next activity. So 10 mins before dinner, give the 5 min warning, then have a further 5 mins of mental transition before you actually expect him to sit down.

Sorry if that comes across as teaching you to suck eggs, but I've found it very helpful.

There is a whole load of helpful websites out there to read up on as well; try NetAware, Thinkuknow, Internet Matters, and Childline as a starting point?

Please don't be so hard on yourself OP . Could you set him up with a mini timetable, so he has a sort of idea what to do and when?
Snackbasket: You fill a basket at the start of the day with pieces of fruit, veggie sticks and one sweet snack. The dc can pick when to get a snack out of their basket, but once all the snacks are finished the basket isn't refilled until the next day.
eg:

pe with joe video
reading (20 mins)
maths work (eg timestable practice, 20 mins)
snack time (set up the snackbasket I mentioned above)
a dreambigathome activity (link included, pick which one he should do in the morning and lay out the resources)
live video from the above website if there is one on that day
lunch
ipad time
'baking' (things like no bake cheesecake, lay out all ingredients)
walk
dinner
normal evening routine

The walks are great but I think you need to chop and change it a bit where you can just to raise enrichment. Try to mix things up and throw in some different ways to hang out together when you’re not working. When they are at school there’s a mix of things going on day in, day out. We can’t replicate it but it’s good to try to not do the same things everyday otherwise it can be a bit ground hog day for them.

Thanks for the ideas :)

We do have a pretty solid routine for weekdays. He will have the iPad first thing for a bit but it goes away at 9am. He watches bitesize then reads and draws, paints or crafts until lunch. After lunch we try and tackle the work sent by school. Then he does half an hour on TT rockstars. After that it's probably only about 3pm so he tends to use the iPad until I finish work at 5 because he's been on it doing TT and it conveniently never gets put back

Then we have our exercise and have dinner then it's back to his free/iPad time. It's way too much I know that. But when you are stuck in the house so much it's really hard.