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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To have terrible anxiety at this

24 replies

Whitegrenache · 02/07/2020 19:00

Put this here for traffic as I feel sick and want to get a normal perspective

Started a new job week before lock down
New promotion to a role I have never done before but been working hard to get to for a few years so I was delighted
Obviously the world changed and so did the role - it became less customer facing and more over the computer - teams etc

Feedback from my manager has always been great and I truly believe I have done a great job

However new company, new stakeholders to work with and impress etc etc

I had my usual 1:1 yesterday with my manager all was well and no issues raised

Then today I get a calender invite for another 1:1 tomorrow at lunchtime with no reason for this. I double checked it was in diary correctly and she replied "yes"

I have now gone into panic mode (this is my AIBU)

I am now imagining I have done something wrong and my anxiety levels are through the roof where I feel sick and can't eat etc.

This is not a normal response I know - I have had counselling to work this through before and had CBT but the physical symptom are horrible

I take paroxotine and my anxiety is usually very well managed however one thing out is the ordinary at work and I internally panic

It's very much an imposter syndrome type of feeling I have

Can anyone offer any guidance as to how to manage this please?

Thanks

OP posts:

Tunnocks34 · 02/07/2020 19:02

Have you asked her what it was regarding? Perhaps ‘oh I thought I had already had my 1 to 1, do I need to specifically prepare anything?’

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 02/07/2020 19:02

No I was scared to ask

OP posts:

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 02/07/2020 21:46

Bump

OP posts:

RosieCockle · 02/07/2020 21:56

But no one here knows what the reason is.

RosieCockle · 02/07/2020 21:56

But no one here knows what the reason is.

1smallhamsterfoot · 02/07/2020 21:58

We can’t tell you. You need to ask or wait.

BlueSlice · 02/07/2020 21:59

Anxiety is awful. At least tomorrow lunchtime isn’t far away. If you’re finding the stress unbearable then tomorrow morning email her with Tunnocks suggestion.

GallusAlice79 · 02/07/2020 22:04

Unless you know you have done something serious, realistically it is highly unlikely to be negative. You had a good 121 yesterday. Far likelier outcomes are that she has been told by her manager to talk about something (like wellbeing) to all her staff and forgot...or she needs to talk to you about something specific (not negative) and thinks any face to face meeting is called a 121.

Janaih · 02/07/2020 22:04

Its understandable you're anxious. But look at the facts: you've been doing your job well and your manager is happy with your performance. So it's unlikely to be something bad. I would guess there is an issue with someone else that they want your input on.
Whatever it is, good or bad, you are more than capable of dealing with it

FlameFartingDragon · 02/07/2020 22:06

I suspect they will be asking you if you want to be involved with a new project or similar?

If it's anything bad they need to give you a formal written letter and at least five days notice.

IAintentDead · 02/07/2020 22:08

Have you thought that you are doing so well she may want to ask you to mentor someone, give you more responsibility or offer you training for more responsibility?

wherestheotherone · 02/07/2020 22:10

You need to have self belief! The facts are you are in a new job. You have had a 1:1 were everything was ok therefore whatever it is cannot be massive. It may simply be that you manager forgot to mention something to you. Positive thought, don't play the fear and panic game. Remain calm. Worrying now will not impact on the outcome and if you can live with anxiety your stronger than you think! Believe in yourself and your own courage.

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 02/07/2020 22:10

Thanks all she always call them 1:1 so that's not a flag

You could be right and it my be something positive! My brain doesn't work like that though sadly

Weird thing is we also have team meeting (total of 3 people) before my 1:1 so maybe she will announce something in the meeting and then wants to discuss it individually

OP posts:

skyblue27 · 02/07/2020 22:14

Good luck let us know how u get on

skyblue27 · 02/07/2020 22:14

Good luck let us know how u get on

skyblue27 · 02/07/2020 22:14

Good luck let us know how u get on

BlueSlice · 02/07/2020 22:28

Weird thing is we also have team meeting (total of 3 people) before my 1:1 so maybe she will announce something in the meeting and then wants to discuss it individually

Ah I I bet it’s that then. Maybe she’s got a new task or way of doing something and needs to follow it up with you after.

DoTheNextRightThing · 02/07/2020 23:24

Oh honey. I know how you feel. Anything I say will be hypocritical because I'm the same way, but really I can't see how it could be a bad thing. She probably just wants to talk to you about a piece of work or something. I'm sure if she had something bad to tell you she would have done it then and there.

WinterAndRoughWeather · 02/07/2020 23:27

Could be Covid related - my partner’s getting this a lot at the moment. Team or company announcement about furlough / part time / changes to hours or whatever followed by 1:1 to discuss specifics individually.

WonderTweek · 02/07/2020 23:33

I totally get it. I am the same, to the extent that I quit my job because my anxiety got too bad (working on it though). I would be shit scared of appraisals and 1-2-1s because I was always convinced that I'd been doing everything wrong and that my boss would sit me down and tell me I couldn't do my job. Anxiety sucks.

As others have said, it's more likely to be just a chat about your team meeting or some other business. My old lovely boss used to say that if negative feedback comes to you by surprise (say, at your appraisal), then your boss hasn't been doing their job properly as they should be supporting you and letting you know immediately if you're going wrong somewhere, rather than dropping a bomb randomly. I would text or email to check though so you could stop worrying. Just ask if you need to prepare anything, it'll make you look even more efficient.

ByAllMeansMoveAtAGlacialPace · 03/07/2020 20:06

What happened OP?

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 03/07/2020 21:27

Would you believe it - the team meeting and my 1:1 were cancelled due to manager having urgent family issue - I totally understand but I have the weekend now To worry! How ever I'm not as stressed as last night - it will be what it will be

thanks for asking

I need to work on why i panic so much at the thoughts of receiving negative feedback

OP posts:

FlameFartingDragon · 04/07/2020 09:42

Is there any chance your line manager may be about to ask you to take on line managing the team? Potentially she knew that she may have upcoming urgent family issues and wanted to ask if you would be willing to step in?

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 04/07/2020 10:03

No I'm very junior to this role - just started a change in career - same industry but new to this particular role - I'm very good at it but not ready for the next level!

I have just resided I need to chill out - if I get negative feedback it will be ok and I'll take it on the chin

Feedbacks a gift right

OP posts:

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