To think I can learn how to be a chilled out free spirit?

[agapanthus1979]

I think some of my friends and acquaintances think I am. I sort of look it and have quite a 'free and easy' lifestyle.
In reality, I'm a stress-head. I catastrophise. I'm often defensive, imagining conflict and criticism where there really isn't any. I can be uptight and difficult.
What I yearn to be is easy going and not a worrier. I want to take life as it comes and always see the opportunity rather than the obstacle.
I do think it's somewhere deep within me....I just need to know how to find it and grasp it.
I'm 41. I've got a great family and friends. I've got a good job, a great partner (who does have that devil-may-care outlook), no kids to worry about.
Any tips on how to find this final part of my jigsaw (that's how it feels!!)??

If you find out can you let me know 😁

When I stopped caring what people thought of me, it got so much easier.

Sadly I don't think that kicks in usually until the 40s, although some people it doesn't ever.

I'm in my 30s. I feel amazing! I don't care what people think of me. But I had to hit such a low to get here. I was suicidal and on loads of medication, it was either die or change. I set a goal, this time next year I will be on NO MEDICATION.
At the time I didn't even know how I could achieve this because I felt horrendous.
I worked on myself so hard, I stopped talking to my family because I realised their toxicity was making me sick. I cut out the negative forces.
And a few years later here I am just loving life not giving a flying crap what anyone thinks.
Don't like me, don't care. 😁

@Raindroplet I love this! Amazing

Rather than trying to change you whole self, maybe take it situation by situation? So situation occurs, remind yourself that you are in control of how you respond. Option a) is your typical response, Option b) is the chilled out response. That way, you can try out the “chilled” responses on small situations first and see how it feels. If it feels ok, it’ll give you the confidence to try out the chill on the bigger situations.

Ha I know what you mean! Try having a couple of phrases that you repeat in your head when you feel the stress climbing. Stuff like “What would a chilled out person do” or “It doesn’t matter” or “this is a small thing.”

It’s a cliche but true that the big problems in your life are the ones you never see coming.

I think asking yourself “Will this matter next month/year?” often does it. Along with “What’s the worst that could happen?”

I think trying to be a free spirit was actually what caused anxiety and created stress for
me. I used to try so hard: squating in London in the 90s, jumping from job to job, travelling asia etc.

Got to my 40s and realised I was fighting against my own nature. I actually like plans and routine. I like to be in control. Realising this and going with it has totally gotten rid of my anxiety and greatly reduced my ott reactions to stressful situations. I make lists, but allow myself to be flexible rather than rigidly stick to them. Routine makes me feel free!

Is there someone you can channel when you feel yourself getting anxious. When I needed to become more assertive in a particular workplace I used to channel Bruce Willis 🤣 Jason Statham would have been good too.

There's some really good advice here. Plenty of food for thought!
Thanks everyone.