Ds autistic triggers my anxiety

[NiknicK]

AIBU to feel like my mental health has gone down hill and part of this is due to my ds and the way he treats me. I know my ds can’t help feel frustrated and I’m trying to teach him more meaningful ways of venting his frustration as opposed to hitting out shouting screaming throwing things at me etc, but I’m getting nowhere. I feel pathetic saying this but being hit as a child took its toll and when my ds acts out he triggers my anxiety and really uncomfortable memories from when I was younger. Usually I’m fairly confident in my parenting and how i manage my ds behaviour but lately especially since lockdown things have spiralled. I’m trying to wfh whilst looking after my ds, my dh is still out of the house working everyday so I’m on my own. I’m not blaming my ds as he has been through a lot and can’t help feel frustrated at times, but my mental health is slowly going down hill and I don’t know what to do. I feel awful saying that but I tried to talk to family and as per my dp’s and dsis don’t do talking about feelings and made it clear I just have to keep going and not moan. Nice eh. Friends all have young kids and are busy with work. Feel so alone and isolated.

I get where you are coming from but I'm not sure this is the right place to post for support. Because unless you have a child we autism you blame the child/ parent and not the autism/ needs.

I get triggered now just hearing loud noises as my son who is now 14 went through a very difficult stage a couple of years ago. It is sometimes like walking on eggshells.

I have to get out sometimes, on my own. I need quiet. Can you do this? Make time for yourself, even if just to have a bath with some music on or to do a craft of a hobby.

Hi. Thanks for replying. Yeah I can get an hour or two to myself if a weekend when my dh is off work so that helps. I get what you’re saying about nosies as I struggle with this too. My ds stomps around the house really noisily, throws things round his bedroom, shouts at everyone and it’s exhausting.

How old is your son? And you said he has been through a lot, could there be any links with what he's been through? What are his main triggers at the minute? X

Hello OP, come over to SEN chat. Many of us have been though this, my son is now 17 and he is a dream ....no hitting, no aggression. It’s taken lots of time and work. I’ve had lots of issues with anxiety over the years .

It does get better as the children get older and can be reasoned with. It’s hard.

Sounds like you both need a break - it’s hard and adults and children are struggling through this situation- I can only imagine how difficult it is with SN and how all this seems through his eyes- also doing 2 full time jobs in caring for a child and trying to work is an exhausting task so I feel you - it’s a shame the response has been so poor when you have tried to vent / talk a bit. Can someone have him for a day or give you some regular breaks? If DP is at home on the weekend maybe you can have a day to yourself? Can you talk to someone professional available like nursery for some guidance for his behaviour how to help him and you cope a bit better? 💐

He’s 9. When I say he’s been through a lot I mean at school and the way he was treated. He has been excluded once before at just 7 and “asked to leave” the second school. We are a loving family do everything we can to support him but some days he says he hates us and it’s so hard to take.

Thanks @Walkingtohealth will do x

understand 100 percent

i have a 15 y old and a 9 y old(mentally 5) with multiple separate disabilities each
neither are normal size either,oldest is 6ft 2 and 10 st odd,youngest is 5ft 3 and 130 odd pounds so not a normal 9 y old size

when they meltdown its hard to control them.
im a big woman at 6ft and 16 odd stone but still hard

both need 24/7 care and we home educate so kids are with us all the time,im still bed sharing with the 9 y old as he needs me at night as his anxiety

we(my partner and i)get zero time alone and even time to sped together,there is a adult with a child at all times

i cant even go out by myself for a hour as the 9 y old needs me as im his safe person.he even sits outside the door waiting for me when im having a bath
we get and have got zero support from any one, family wise or professional

im on sertraline because i cant/couldnt cope,its helped me no end

Hi. Wow you’re a star for home schooling. I’ve only done 3 months and I’m exhausted. Yesterday I had things thrown at me, he kicked my car and dented it, spat at me, called me names etc. My older ds has no issues what so ever and is such a lovely
lad, so thankfully my parenting has never been called into question, but I do worry I’m doing something wrong for youngest to behave like this. Time with my dh is non existent and although we have a strong relationship, it makes me feel sad that we don’t get time just for us.