Is this normal after 10 years ?

[Yellowpepper2010]

Is it normal after almost 10 years of being with someone to not be engaged / married ?

Would be for me but my BFF has lived with her partner for 12 years and they aren’t engaged or married with no plans for either. No dc and friend is too old now anyway,

His family live overseas and she has never met any of them which seems doubly strange to me but they seem perfectly happy.

Do you live with them or live separately?

I don't think there is a 'normal' it's whats right for you and your partner. I know people who have gone to married and pregnant within 3 years, people who got engaged after 10 years, and long term with kids but unmarried.

Does it bother you?

My parents have been together for 40 years and have never been married or engaged to each other, or anyone else. It's not the end goal for everyone.

Age sometimes plays a part though. Based on my work and friendship groups it's fairly common for people aged mid-late 20's for example to have been together for that long and not be engaged or married.

Getting engaged or married should never be a decision made only due to how long you've been together though.

I think it depends on the age and their lifestyle. I've been with DP 20 something years but never felt the need.

Our situation was brought house together and a child together he would always say he wanted to get married but never asked

So have you ever asked him why he hasn't asked you?

Btw I agree there is no 'normal', but if you both say you want to, I would wonder why it's not happened.

Yes he knew I wanted to, money wasn't an issue either and I'm not materialistic so wouldn't have expected an expensive ring xx

Why haven't you asked him to marry you?

Me and DH only got married last year, after 17 years together. We only got married as I almost kicked the bucket a couple of years ago and he had a cancer scare shortly afterwards. If that hadn't happened, I doubt we'd be married at all. There's no 'normal' and I would advise against getting married just because everyone else is. However, if you're set on it, there's nothing to stop you from asking.

It's normal for men who never want to get married.

It's been 20 years for us. He wants too next year but I don't feel that urge yet.

We were together 12 years before we got married. We only got married as we had a child.

13 years together. No desire to be engaged or married.

We didn't do the whole unexpected, get down on one knee thing, it was a discussion at the start of our relationship that we both wanted marriage and when we planned to move in together we knew we would get engaged shortly after that.

We then went and bought a ring, together and when we collected it I put it on my finger. 2 years later we were married.

It was important for us to be married before having children and we wanted to have the same last name.

A woman I know wanted marriage, thought that getting pregnant would make that happen, it didn't. After she had child number 3 her partner would say why would I buy the cow when I get the milk for free? Nice. But the boys all had his surname. They only got married after she was stopped at the airport demanding to know who she was to these children who didn't have her name. She was completely devastated having to prove she was their mother. They had a quick registry office marriage after that.

Why don't you have a talk about getting married if it is important to you?

Depends on the couple. DP and I have been together 7 and don't plan on getting engaged anytime soon 🤷‍♀️ don't feel the need yet. But only works if you're both happy that way

Depends if you want to be married.

For me I am a big marriage and family person and made it very clear to my now husband and even precious partners I would be walking after 3 years if there is no proposal.

But some people are fine and happy not being engaged or married.

Depends whether one of you wants to be married, really. There are plenty of couples who are happy not being married long term. And plenty of others where one partner wants marriage and the other doesn't, and that has to come to a head some time - sooner rather than later.

My sister has been with her other half for a lot longer.

BIL2 & his partner have been together about 30 years with no engagement or wedding. He's too tight to pay for one