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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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13 replies

Glitterzzz · 02/07/2020 15:27

Hi ladies

I wasn’t going to share this with anyone but I have to know I’m not the one being crazy.

Me and dh married about a year ago have been together about 6 and half years now and lately we have been arguing a lot more than normal. Combination of the lock down and just getting on each other neves nearly every day.

I’m always the one being blamed and usually the one who tries to keep the peace as arguing or tension of any kind in front of our son who is 4 and awaiting a diagnosis of autism is very difficult for him to be around. That in itself is exhausting me

On Monday ( the morning of a important doctors appointment ) I picked up his phone as he had left it on the coffee table and something told me to and I was suprised to see him logged in under his name to a Facebook account that clearly isn’t his normal one as this had no photos no friends and had a couple of notifications you get when you set up the new Facebook and link your mobile phone and so on ( I could see he did this on the Friday )

I walked into the kitchen and asked him what is this ??? He said he had never seen it before. It’s his phone and he’s signed into this account at this moment in time of showing him. He then says yes it’s my Facebook account I said clearly not your usual one as look no friends and not even a profile photo ..

He becomes angry and says he has no idea he’s never seen it before. Then he says he got sent a email of someone wanting to be a friend so clicked the link and it must have opened this page ( he has the app on his phone and it would have taken him to his normal account ) we argue he screams and shouts and then storms off

He texts me that his phone must have been hacked. I tell him so they knew how to set up a Facebook account with your name your email your phone and sign in on your phone ?

Long story short of course this is all complete and utter bollox.

He won’t admit it’s his fake / secret account
He denies all knowledge
‘ I won’t admit to something I haven’t done ‘

I cannot stand liars. This clearly to me is someone who is lieing. I have felt for a few months that I’m not sure I want to be married to him anymore due to the constant arguments and the strain of dealing with him but this account now makes me see him as a liar which is something I never believed him to be

What would you do if you was me ?

I kicked him out on Monday and he sent me a text message while I was at the doctors appointment saying that if I continued to believe this was him and he was not being truthful then I could eat shit and die . His words

He is back now as no where to go / hotels closed / lack of money and we are avoiding each other

I’m just so numb to it

OP posts:
Glitterzzz · 02/07/2020 15:30

Jus to add I searched it and could see no friends requests sent or received

No searches for people in the search bar

And nothing posted

OP posts:
DuckALaurent · 02/07/2020 15:31

Any man who spoke to me like that would be dumped so that alone is reason for me. However, yes he’s setting up a private account and he’s mad he’s got caught.

Parmavioletmum · 02/07/2020 15:36

You know he's lying. What you do now depends on how you feel and what you will accept.

  • tell him to leave. He can stay with family/friends.
  • give him an ultimatum; he tells you the truth & he has hope that you will forgive, however after the comment he made I don't think I could forgive that alone. Or he leaves if he won't.

Obviously splitting there are a lot of practicalities to consider. Who's name is the house in? What custody would look like? Any assets? Etc.

Get your ducks in a row now. Copies of important documents, passports etc. If you have a joint account take half into your own account so he can't empty it.

One step at a time lovely. you deserve more!!
I'm sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't give him the pleasure of being angry. Keep calm and collected.

PicsInRed · 02/07/2020 15:37

It's so he can be facebook buds with someone and you won't see her and she won't see you. No risk around changed privacy settings resetting etc.

LJenn · 02/07/2020 15:47

Eat shit and die?.. is he for real? Like a grown man sending someone he's meant to love a nasty and childish message 😑. I genuinely don't get his problem, if he's nothing to hide, all he has to say is "I created a new account" and explain why. The fact that it's resorting to arguments and threats says everything. Regardless of potential secrets etc .. I wouldn't want to be with him just based on the "die" comment.

LikeSilentRaindrops · 02/07/2020 15:51

There’s a dating app - might be Tinder - that requires your FB account to set up an account. If he didn’t want to use his profile pic from his real FB account (ie if it’s a picture of both of you for instance), that would be quite a common reason to set up a fake one. Sorry OP 😐

Glitterzzz · 02/07/2020 16:00

Does anyone know the name of this dating app that requires a Facebook account ? I’ve never heard of that before but could
Be a possibility. I’ve said to him by refusing any accountability for the account your making it so much worse than just saying yes it’s mine and why.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 02/07/2020 16:03

The fact he had such a strong reaction when you confronted him suggests it was something dodgy, he felt trapped and lashed out. Had it been something reasonable or a logical explanation he would’ve just said ‘oh that’s blah de blah’. There’s only need for anger if you’re panicking and backed into a corner.

I’m sorry OP. It must so difficult. You need to make a decision about how you want to move forward, it will be hard but you deserve better than to be with someone who lies and talks to you like dirt when confronted.

Ishihtzuknot · 02/07/2020 16:05

He’s being defensive which shows he’s hiding something, I wouldn’t allow anyone to talk to me like that. If he has nothing to hide he’ll have no problem showing you the account. I couldn’t be in a relationship where there is clearly no trust and he behaves like a child. Sorry this has happened to you Flowers

OldEvilOwl · 02/07/2020 16:15

He's definitely lying. Trust your instincts and chuck him out

Coldemort · 02/07/2020 16:17

Yes, I'm on Tinder - you need a FB account to log in :(

atomicblonde30 · 02/07/2020 16:18

I think tinder needs a Facebook or Instagram account to link to.

Chungking2046 · 02/07/2020 16:30

Tinder doesn't require a Facebook account these days. You can use one to sign in but you can also use your email address or phone number too. I'm on there and I don't have Facebook. However, due to his reaction, I'd still say he was up to something dodgy!

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