NC because I don't want this linked with previous posts.
I have 2 friends, A and B. The three of us have been good friends since we met in school over 15 years ago. A is a lovely person but can be quite needy - I understand why, she's had a difficult life but at times I've had to space out contact a little bit because it's been a bit much. B is on the other end of the spectrum, very busy with her career and is very family-oriented so often doesn't initiate contact. I've often gotten the sense that she spaces out contact with A for similar reasons to me under the guise of her busyness, but we've never spoken about it directly. A and B have had a couple of issues over the years, mainly to do with A feeling she does all the initiating with B, but they've managed to work through it.
B got married last year and because I was working abroad I wasn't able to attend. B didn't have a formal set of bridesmaids but she had A walk in as part of the extended family party and A was involved in many of B's wedding events (B's culture involves several events associated with marriage).
A got engaged last year and is now planning her wedding for late February 2021. She asked B to be a bridesmaid and B initially accepted. However, B got pregnant unexpectedly with her first child and is due at the beginning of January. B reached out to A and said that she's not really sure if she'll be able to fulfil her responsibilities as a bridesmaid and said she'll leave it with A to make the call, saying she wanted to give A as much notice as possible so that she could potentially ask someone else. B said she'll obviously still attend the wedding but also said if it was anyone else she wouldn't - A interpreted this as B seeming to believe she was doing A a favour by even attending.
A is now really upset with B, saying that she wasn't asking B for anything except to be with her on the day and take a few photos. A was also upset by B asking A to consider doing her hens several months before the wedding so that A could attend, and it's opened up old wounds now about A feeling like she isn't valued by B. She thought B could have at least seen how she felt closer to the day and A would have been as accommodating as she could be.
So I'm essentially stuck in the middle of the two friends here, and thought I'd put it to a MN jury. I see A's point and understand why she's hurt, as she felt she was there for B when B had her wedding, but I also know that B is very nervous as a first-time mum and keeps thinking worst case scenario e.g. some unexpected difficulty with the baby. None of us have children so it's entirely new. A is now saying she will still be friends with B but she no longer wants to make any effort. B doesn't think she's done anything wrong.
YABU: A is being unreasonable
YANBU: A is right to be upset