To want to "break up" with some friends?

[surprisedbylife]

Frequent reader but don't post often so please be gentle... I'm really torn about how to handle this.
In a nutshell, I have three friends I've known for over 20 years. We were at high school together and in the same larger group and now we're kind of the only four left from that group.
Two of us have kids, (both are toddlers) and four don't. The other mum is very different to me in parenting style and just generally in personality. And the four non-mums I just feel like I have nothing in common with anymore. They all work in high-powered jobs, are very outspoken, quite radical/left wing in their politics (I am too, but they make me feel positively conservative sometimes!) and very career focused and not particularly sympathetic to/interested in parenthood... which is fine. But whenever we catch up they just make me feel so dumb for not understanding the things they are talking about. I feel like they are judging me for the choices I've made (single parenthood after a bad relationship and pursuing a profession I love rather than doggedly building a career) And I know I'm not dumb. I'm also someone who loves being a mum, however it came about, I love my life - but I can definitely talk to non mums too - I have lots of friends who aren't parents and we get along great!
The thing is, this "group" try to organise catch ups around once a month, and always want to go away for a weekend about once a year. I dread it every time. I dread the lead up, the weekend, I just feel crap the whole time, like I'm stupid, like they're talking about me behind my back, like I'd rather be anywhere but there.
They're planning another getaway later this year- we're in a part of the world where restrictions are easing - and it would be relatively safe to go just a few hours drive.
I don't want to go. For a start, as a single parent it's always hard to get care for my child, but more than that, this pandemic has just made me realise my priorities and I don't want to spend time with people who make me feel crap. And I don't want to waste precious babysitting favours on something I don't really want to go to.
I just kind of feel like the friendship has run its course but "ending it" feels dramatic... it's just that I'm sick of dreading our monthly catch ups and yearly weekends which just end up making me feel shit about myself - there are other lovely friends I'd rather make the time for. What can I do? Has anyone ever ended a friendship just because it had run its course?

I did this with a mum's group I belonged to. It didn't end particularly well as I messaged one girl I'd introduced to the group to politely say I wasn't going to be involved anymore but it all got blown up at the time and they all acted like harridans!!
Despite that, I don't see them anymore and I certainly don't regret my decision!!! I felt it proved my decision really!
I'd just say you're busy when they ask you to organise stuff.

Yes I have it was just a natural end, with less and less phone calls and visits. This friend was more of a frenenemy, she say put downs and over dominated me, and the friendship was one sided with me having to leave my toddler to go travelling on buses for a hr trip back to where she still lived which was once my home town. She had no children. Never did she come to visit me at my flat with my child. When we became friends I was shy quiet and timid with no partner and child and we were local to each other. As my life changed and I grew more in confidence she was jealous, although she was always jealous of something, but me being her shy loser mate had a child and left home etc and she hated it ! Anyway I don't regret letting the friendship die a natural death, other than her I only had one other friend which I made after leaving home but this old friend was so awful for various reasons made me still not want to be her friend anymore and as i said the friendship was very one sided.
You have other friends I don't think you would have any regrets just relief

Just fade out from the discussions, and when it comes to the weekend away "sorry but I won't be able to make it this year, hope you all have a good time"

Mute the conversation on your phone and drop engagement with them. Eventually they'll set up a new chat without you and you've achieved your goal without drama.

You need to read up about radiators and drains. You should never spend time with people that drain your energy and leave you feeling like you need a lie down after seeing them. Ditch them. Focus on people who make you feel happy and that you enjoy spending time with. I'm ruthless like this now and much happier for it.

I don’t have experience of ending a group friendship but I have drifted out of touch with various friends over the years for a range of reasons. Life is too short to keep up with commitments you don’t enjoy especially when they involve this level of investment. I would think now is an ideal time to say that you don’t feel comfortable going away. Rather than a dramatic ending can’t you just start declining catch ups until the message gets through?

Being a single mum means you are 'paying' a lot more in terms of using up precious babysitting favours to attend these events than the others are. In some ways you could see their lives as 'emptier' than yours though of course I wouldn't expect you to say that to them.

What I think you can say though is that you feel like you have prevailed on your babysitting budget (cash, goodwill or both) too much lately and that it isn't managable if you wanted to ease back and duck out of the trip.

I'm currently in a similar situation where I have made a decision to step away from a group of friends I've known since high school. I realised that after meeting up with them I felt relieved it was over! After years of bending over backwards to always travel to their hometowns to meet up, always being the one to instigate catch ups and never having anything in return I just realised I would be a lot less anxious and happier without them in my life.
After i made this decision I felt so much better and like a weight had been lifted. I didn't announce anything, just communicated less, and declined to go on a yearly trip. Good luck OP, I don't think you'll regret it

I would try to let it drop naturally. Declining a few get togethers, using excuse of money or childcare etc. Make clear you can't go away this year. Stop overly replying to them or give it a few days each time before replying etc. Don't initiate conversations or try to keep conversations going. Eventually they will get used to you not being there. If they question it, you havent had the time what with work and family and other commitments. On social media limit what they can see etc.