To be anxious about turning 40 & online dating

[tantrumingcoldchild]

I've been a single mum for a bit under a year. Turning 40 doesn't bother me in itself, but it now looks like online dating is the main way to meet people (particularly in light of COVID). I would think that a lot of men set the cutoff at 40. AIBU to feel depressed about this? Any words of encouragement?

Nothing?

It seems a bit of an arbitrary thing to worry about tbh OP. I was chatting to my perfectly lovely single male friend the other day who at 42 was saying he's looking for a woman aged 35 to 50.

The important thing during any kind of dating is to see yourself as worthy and worthwhile.

40 is young.

Maybe this is right. It's possible I'm fixated on this issue as it has always been a great fear of mine to be in just this position.

If men set the cutoff at 40 they are by definition twats who you don't want to date. There are plenty of men on OD and a fair few of them are twats who don't want to meet women over 40. So ignore them and date the decent ones who aren't twats.

Online dating is what you make it: all human life is there. You can meet some great people on there. There are also a lot of twats. You have to develop a thick skin though and be prepared to kiss (or not kiss) a lot of frogs and home in on the decent ones. And be quite ruthless in the process.

I would suggest to you in the nicest possible way that if you're scared of being in the position of dating after 40 you might want to wait until you're feeling more confident. You need to have a higher sense of your own self-worth in order not to be brought down by the dickheads.

Disclosure: I didn't even start OD until I was 43. If anyone had turned up their nose at me for being over 40 it would have been one strike and you're out. Life is too short to allow other people's prejudice to bring you down.

I was early 40s when I did online dating
We're now married

I don't have any advice in practice as haven't used OD but just wanted to wish you luck! This recent thread about dating might be useful? One of the poster's suggested meeting men at activities (she was in a relationship so wasn't looking to meet anyone but met men that would be possibilities if she was single), is there anything you enjoy? Then it's win win. If you meet someone, it's great. If not, you are doing something you enjoy and you'll probably make new friends too.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3928647-To-ask-where-are-all-the-nice-MEN

There will be good dates and bad dates. When I was 39 I went on a date with chap I met online. Wasn't sure from profile, it was nice evening but still wasn't sure, so had second date, then third, forth etc. Two years later couldn't imagine not having him in my life, we are planning wedding and expecting our first.

Online world can be judgemental at times, but offers opportunity to meet new people who you may not have met before. I've had times where I have tried it and found it hard, had a break and gone back to it.