AIBU to feel like I'm being used as a hotel?

[Penelopeagain]

My sister wants to come and visit and bring our cousin, I haven’t seen this cousin in 5 years and that was when I went back home to visit. We were close as children, but stopped speaking when I moved out of the country. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in 5 years, not even hi how are you or the kids? I said yes that they can come, but I feel it’s rude to ask to if you can stay at someone’s house that you haven’t seen or spoken to in years. Feels like she just want to save money on hotel, and use my house as a hotel. Once she leaves, I know I won’t speak to her again.

I want to tell my sister how I feel tbh, what do you think? Would you let someone like this stay at your house? AIBU to feel like I’m being used as a hotel?

You don't know that you won't speak to her again when she leaves.

Use Covid as an excuse.

It sounds like they're coming from abroad? Say you can't have people staying with you at the moment as per government guidance. I'm not in the UK and have no clue about the rules there, but that probably means they don't either, and it sounds perfectly plausible.

Did you stop speaking because of a row or did the relationship just peter out because you lived abroad? If the latter you might find you are delighted to see each other again after five years. Only you can tell.

If you've already agreed, you can hardly back out now. If you haven't said, "Yes", say not at the moment due to C-19.

My cousin came to stay with me about 3 years ago after not seeing each other or speaking for 20 odd years. No falling out, just busy with our lives.
We had a great time together catching up and reminiscing about our families and when we were younger. It was really lovely having her to stay.

I last spoke to my cousins about 5 yrs ago. If I saw them now we would have a good old catch up and a right laugh. I have cousins abroad who I don't really speak to but their kids have been and stayed and seem to turn up every couple of years. I know I could get in touch and go and stay there if I want to. I dont really think the issue is how often you speak to them, more the family dynamic and how you get on when you do see them. Also, she is coming with your sister. It would be really odd and uncomfortable to have your sister stay and your cousin in a b&b or hotel. I think you just need to go with the flow and you might even enjoy it.

It’s considered generous and family-like to offer to travel and visit someone!

Coming to stay, to see you, is not ‘treating you like a hotel’.

Have you never invited them? Would you not look forward to seeing them? In our family, family stay in each other’s houses, not hotels.

You sound cold and inhospitable.

OP,

Having visitors is invariably extra work for women.
Some love it, some don't.

Pre children, and even when mine were young, I did a huge amount of it.

As I have gotten older I have absolutely NO interest.

I only do it occasionally for those I love.

If it suits do it, if it doesn't, don't.

I had someone I met around 18 months ago on holiday and exchanged numbers with who has never been in touch - initial messages went unanswered suddenly contact me to suggest they come and stay. We live near a beach and they fancied a holiday this year with us.

I imagine that this type of scenario will be common - 5 years to not speak is a long time. Or maybe she really wants to reconnect ?

@Hereforyou
Be very wary.
This type of visitor is the most likely to take utterly take the piss.

They don't care about you.
You don't have a meaningful relationship with them.

You are just a convenience.

I don't know if she wants to reconnect or not, only time time show what she'll do once she goes back home. I'm 99.9% sure I won't hear from her again. There was no row or anything, it just fizzled out. We stopped talking because I moved to the UK. I've already said yes, so can't use the COVID-19 excuse. I can only speak for myself, I'd feel weird to ask if I could stay at someone's house that I haven't spoken or seen in years. But I'm just going to let her come, and see how it goes.

@HereForYou2020 wow, did you let them stay with you then?

I went to stay with my cousin in Africa, she is a lot younger than me, & although I had frequently seen my aunt & hosted her several times, I really didn't know my cousin well.
We had a blast. She is so lovely, we had sooo much in common, its very clear we have the same genes! she felt like the sister I never had. I can't tell you how glad I am that we have connected.
Open up, you may have a great time.

If she is travelling with your sister it sounds like she kept in touch with her. Try to enjoy the time. Goodness knows we have been holed up in lock down seeing no new faces for so long. I can't wait to host again. Fwiw I have a 7 bedroom holiday home in France and I get a lot of family and friends coming to see us sometimes out of the blue. I don't mind. It is nice to share.

Don't get sucked into planning the entertainment and paying for food.
Tell your sister she will need to hire a car with your cousin, make it very clear your not paying for all the food, that you want them to shop for their own needs.
Otherwise it will cost you a fortune.

HereForYou and billy but this is her sister and cousin, not someone they met once on holiday... family!

OP if you re-locate you either just lose all family ties and close connections, or put energy and investment into enabling contact - travelling to see people, or hosting them when they do the travelling.

Do you have any reason to think they just mean to exploit you?

I have cousins who I actively don't like but who if they turned up I'd let stay in the hopes that the things that irritated me about them when we were younger would have disappeared by now (okay, I'm thinking of one in particular who is much younger, has an incredible sense of entitlement etc but I think she's a good person at heart).

It's just kind of what you do for family isn't it? I mean, not without boundaries or limits but....