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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DD to MIL during WFH days?

17 replies

Essex16 · 01/07/2020 16:55

This is a genuine AIBU but also I need to rant. I have been WFH since start of lockdown. Hubby was furloughed so was working well with him watching DD (4). He has now been called back to work so I am alone WFH with DD. It's only been a week but it has been HELL!!!! I'm sure others with more children are in the same boat and have been powering through, good for them if they can manage but I am really, really, REALLY struggling. She will just not leave me alone. She wants constant attention, playing, feeding (literally all day), a million questions just all round bugging me every bloody second. I wouldn't actually mind if she just sat with the ipad all day (ok, not alll day) but she barely watches that for more than 15 minutes, or even if she takes every single toy out to play with but she gets so bored so quickly. She doesn't have a concentration problem and when hubby was home she didn't bug him 24/7 so I honestly don't know whats going on. Today has been the worst if you couldn't tell....So, would IBU if I asked MIL to watch her on the days I WFH? School is closed until Sep but MIL used to collect her after school pre-lockdown and prior to school she'd have her all day. If I was called back into the office I would need to rely on MIL to watch her anyway. But then, we are never going to have this time back and she will be in school full time in Sep so I also feel like a shit mum and I can't even look after one child.
Also, DD has a mild physical difficulty which can tire her out so I don't know if that causes her to act out/want attention at times of if I am using that as an excuse. She is my first and only child so I just don't know.
God that was a lot that rambled out! I was going to make a brew and have a biccie but I think I'll make a fucking large gin instead Blush

OP posts:
MinnieMountain · 01/07/2020 17:31

Presumably you've still got to get the same work done whether at home or in the office.

It will be better for you and your DD if she goes to MIL.

Since I've been back off furlough, our 6yo has been going to MIL. We both WFH but DS gets a nicer day that way.

Cocobean30 · 01/07/2020 17:32

No, not unreasonable at all as long as you trust your MIL

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 01/07/2020 17:34

As long as your MIL is happy! And as long as you trust her fo course but I’m taking it from your post that you do.

rosiejaune · 01/07/2020 17:35

Will she play independently if you put an audiobook on?

LST · 01/07/2020 17:37

My mum has been having mine a few hours a day for weeks. I was not coping well at all

Singlebutmarried · 01/07/2020 17:37

My DD is going to my parents for 2 days a week from next week.

I’m going to condense my hours so I do 2 full days in the office and then a half day at home.

Working 5 half days at home is all well and good if I can sit and work for half a day. Realistically though I’m working longer hours every day because of interruptions.

I need 4 hours/day. I could be finished by 1pm if left alone. But have been working past 5pm to keep on top of everything.

And then I have to sort the house which has been systematically wrecked throughout the day.

So yes. If your MIL is happy then send her.

Scubalubs87 · 01/07/2020 17:39

I’m working from home with a 21 month old and my MIL has started to have him a day a week for the last few weeks. It’s saved my sanity.

Wfhwith3yearold · 01/07/2020 17:40

My 3 year old is now going to MILs one day a week (she's using some leave). I've 2 afternoons off so that only leaves 2 full days a week. That's difficult enough.

If MIL is happy and able to help, send them off!

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 01/07/2020 17:42

also feel like a shit mum and I can't even look after one child.

You are not a shit Mum at all. Of course you could look after one child, I bet you have done on your own frequently during her 4 years. But what is bloody difficult is trying to work and look after a child.

I find it very hard too and DS is six and work is also supportive so doesn’t expect as much as normal from us.

If your MIL is happy to have your daughter than definitely go for it. Even some half days will give you some headspace to work and your daughter will be happier

I’m hoping DS is going to stay with my Mum for a couple of nights next week (bit too far to just go for the day). DS is so fed up at home with us trying to work and can’t wait. I’ve also booked him into holiday club at the local private school for a few sessions the last two weeks of term. I don’t care if he doesn’t end up doing any schoolwork for those two weeks. He was in tears yesterday because he was lonely which had us both in tears.

I’ve had the same stupid guilt and then remembered he’ll be happier and I’ll be able to work so will be less stressed. He can watch tv for an hour or two when he gets home (1pm) whilst I do some more work and then we can play games together

Remember it’s not just for your benefit, she will be having a nice time with Grandma instead of trying to entertain herself

killerofmen · 01/07/2020 17:45

I've had to do this although it's not clear whether it's actually legal under welsh laws. I was heading for a mental breakdown trying to look after the kids and do a full day's work.

Nquartz · 01/07/2020 17:46

Do it. I'm back from furlough next week WFH and dreading it, and my DD is 8 so would watch tv or the iPad all day but won't do her school work by herself

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 01/07/2020 17:58

You are not a shit mum. No one can do two full time jobs at the same time. You’ll get much more done and then when you’re not working you can concentrate fully on your DD.

Starfish1021 · 01/07/2020 17:59

Jesus I would do it in a heartbeat. I have a nanny (don’t live in the uk) and my children still bug me 24/7 for snacks ect

Dylaninthemovies1 · 01/07/2020 18:02

Do it!!! I’m just jealous I can’t! I have a 4 year old and wfh while looking after him is horrendous. DH and I have to take it in turns looking after him. Even then we struggle, especially if we’re on a call

Properbobbins · 01/07/2020 18:10

PIL are having mine (6&9) from next week, just one afternoon a week but it will make the world of difference to us all. WFH has been desperate at times.

Is it possible her behaviour is different as things have changed this week with your DH now being out of the house? Hopefully things will settle down when it becomes a new normal.

ThedietstartsonMonday · 01/07/2020 18:11

I WFH too, for the last couple of weeks my Mum, Dad has MIL have had my daughter for me 2-3 days of the week. It's been brilliant!

If your MIL is happy to do it, go for it!

Original poster
Essex16 · 02/07/2020 16:40

Right, I’m gonna do it!! MIL is more than happy and I think it will do me & DD the world of good. Thank you for the encouragement!!!

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