Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wife is sending selfies

22 replies

Unsurebefore · 01/07/2020 13:39

I’ve found DMs between my wife and her male co-worker. They seem innocent but she occasionally sends him selfies. Do I need to worry?

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 01/07/2020 13:50

What kind of selfies? Smiley, look at me on the beach ones, no problem. Naked ones, obviously problem.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 01/07/2020 13:50

Selfies of what? If its ha ha look at my badly dyed lockdown hair, or a comedy confused face when he has sent her something ambiguous etc then I wouldn't worry. If its selfies where she has clearly made an effort to look more 'attractive' than normal eg taken before a night out, then I'd be a bit more suspicious unless she is the kind of person that sends these to all her friends

LadyofMisrule · 01/07/2020 14:55

I send selfies to my (male) friends occasionally. "Look at my fab new hair" or similar. We also exchange pictures of our cats and children, and photos of ourselves and our various hobbies.

What I find weird is when people think having a male friend is different to having a female friend, and that there is automatically some kind of sexual undercurrent.

Original poster
Unsurebefore · 01/07/2020 15:34

They are innocent pictures of herself. But to my knowledge, she does not send these to other people.

OP posts:
Motoko · 01/07/2020 15:36

Why were you looking at your wife's DMs?

Original poster
Unsurebefore · 01/07/2020 15:38

I went to the site on a shared device but she was still logged in.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 01/07/2020 15:50

I wouldn’t worry, personally, if they’re clothed and ordinary selfies. Like previous posters, I have male friends I’ve had for years and we’ve been perfectly capable of not falling onto each other’s genitals, because many people can have platonic friends of the opposite sex.

But if this was the other way around and a woman had discovered her husband was sending his female colleague pictures of himself out for a run, on the beach or in the garden or whatever, 90% of the responses would be that he was obviously flirting or having an affair with her.

So basically, choose your own adventure.

Laks0007 · 01/07/2020 15:50

I wouldn't personally send selfies to a co-worker. What was the context?

Laks0007 · 01/07/2020 15:53

Also what kind of woman is she ? Is she quite an attention seeker requiring external validation - in which case I would have a chat and ask her why she feels the need? What can you do to let her know how beautiful and great she is etc. ( Obviously not your fault at all, but she might need some support if she has poor self esteem)

Olsi109 · 01/07/2020 15:57

Well she left herself logged in for a start which would shows she’s not trying to hide anything maybe. I send selfies of stupid things to my friends and yes some are male - but I wouldn’t send just a posing selfie - though I wouldn’t send that to a girl friend either.

Really depends on the context and what the selfies are in response to.

Notapheasantplucker · 01/07/2020 16:10

What does she say to him when she sends the selfies?
What does he reply?

Original poster
Unsurebefore · 01/07/2020 16:11

The selfies weren’t a response to anything in particular. He hasn’t sent any to her. They were dotted amongst general chit chat. They didn’t really seem to have a purpose, which is why I am unsure.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unsurebefore · 01/07/2020 16:12

He acknowledges the context of the pictures but his responses seem neutral.

OP posts:
KingofDinobots · 01/07/2020 16:19

Um. Tbh that sounds like she’s flirting a bit/fishing for a reaction or compliment from him, and he’s not really responding.

That could mean she just would like a bit more attention, or that she’s interested in an affair. But it doesn’t sound like anything is happening.

Original poster
Unsurebefore · 01/07/2020 17:52

I wanted to check whether it was unusual behaviour before bringing it up. I agree that nothing is happening at the moment, judging by his neutral engagement. He is also married. But I was worried that maybe she is fishing for something so needed to sound it out. Sending selfies to colleagues isn’t something I would do to be friendly so it struck me as unusual.

OP posts:
Notapheasantplucker · 01/07/2020 17:55

It is unusual IMO also. Its not something I would do and I don't really see the point in it, other than like a PP said, fishing for compliments.

Are you going to mention it to her or just keep your eyes peeled OP?

KingofDinobots · 01/07/2020 18:29

Yeah it’s odd. I’d bring it up but try to be as neutral/non-accusatory as you can. It may be that she just hasn’t thought about how it looks (like if she sends selfies to female friends?) or is just wanting some compliments or something. You want to get to the bottom of it rather than put her on the defensive.

resskiestonight · 01/07/2020 18:58

Yep it’s really odd. You are not being responsible. What do you mean pictures of herself? What’s the context - picture of just her alone or doing something possibly linked to a shared context ? If it’s a literal selfie I don’t think that’s normal at all and would be concerned too

resskiestonight · 01/07/2020 18:58

Unreasonable - sorry!

Original poster
Unsurebefore · 01/07/2020 21:57

Selfies of her, alone. I’m assuming taken at the time of the conversation.

I don’t feel the need to delve any deeper, I don’t think she is having an affair. I’m just disappointed that she feels the need to send someone else pictures.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unsurebefore · 01/07/2020 22:08

I keep wondering if it’s about her or him. Does she need validation for her self esteem or is she attracted to him?

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 01/07/2020 22:23

Sounds a bit off OP. Don’t think she should be but I’m prepared to be flamed for being old fashioned.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page