To be so stressed out about this

[coffeeisforlife]

For the last few months DH's work have paid him late or short but not told him this beforehand.
I understand that their finances haven't been great due to COVID but it's the lack of communication that drives me insane! DH doesn't understand why this annoys/stresses me so much and I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall.
Usual payday is 27th of the month, April 27th comes and by midday there is still no wages in our account so I ask him to send a text and ask his boss, he moans at me for this and his attitude is very much I'm sure it will go in, he does text in the end to be told that they are waiting for furlough money to be paid in before they pay him... but my DH isn't on furlough! He has been working this whole time and not once has this been mentioned to him, the next day all our direct debits bounce and it's just stressful... he can't understand why this stresses me out. My wages were paid which thankfully cover our rent but I have nothing left after I've paid the rent. It took them a week to pay us. During this time his older DC's mum is also texting asking where her maintenance is, he just replies with 'when I get paid you can have it' doesn't explain any further.

The last 3 months he has been paid short and always late, never on payday. This month his wages still haven't been paid. I managed to move our direct debits to the 30th but as they still haven't paid him, again they have all bounced. He refuses to say to his bosses this isn't right or just do anything about it at all and when I ask him to or tell him this is really stressful he has a go at me or looks at me like I'm insane for being stressed about it. I feel scared to spend any unnecessary money in case they don't pay him at all one month, he is 100% certain this wouldn't happen but I don't understand how he can be when they have already messed him around so much!

Aibu to get so stressed? Would this stress other people out?

How short are his wages? Are they 20% short?

Can he find a new job?

@slipperywhensparticus yes 20% which I'm assuming is because they are paying him furlough wages even though he isn't on furlough. No communication about any of it at all. He could get a new job but doesn't want to.

This is horribly stressful for you - sounds like his company have cash flow issues. There’s not much you can do if your DH won’t engage with his work about this. I’m sorry you’re having to put up with this

This isn’t on

This would totally stress me out...are you getting bank fines everytime a direct debit bounces? If so ring the bank and explain and they should waive the fees..i dont umderstand why they say they are waiting on furlough money if your hisband hasnt been furloughed..definately smell a rat...

@DoloresOnTheDottedLine thank you. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact there's nothing I can do. I just hate the way my DH makes me feel ridiculous for getting stressed out about it, made me wonder if I am being ridiculous or if others would find this really stressful also.

@Louise91417 yes I rang the bank the first month and they were very understanding and waived them, I'll now have to ring them again this month as they've all bounced again. The fact they are waiting for furlough money to pay him makes me assume they are claiming furlough for him fraudulently, but again my DH seems completely unbothered. Any company I've ever worked for has always been really prompt and professional with things like wages so I find this really difficult to comprehend.

This would stress me out to your DH is acting very odd surely he realises the repercussions of constant late payments on direct debits
Fines getting electricity cut off etc.
I wouldn't be so blasé about it. I would certainly be getting in touch with work place and asking questions why they are always late paying him and why his wages are short when he's not on furlough and there's been no discussion about wage cuts for those still working.
Also I would be looking for another job as this doesn't bode well likely to get told in a few months he no longer has a job.
Sorry OP I really hope things turn around for you both

His employer is committing fraud, claiming furlough money when staff are not furloughed. Being aware of this your DP needs to inform HMRC.

He should raise with them the problem of having direct debits going out, and needing to know if the money is not going to be there to pay them. I think sometimes those who are running things have forgotten what it's like when your income only just exceeds outgoings and you have no savings to buffer you.

My DH's company have had cashflow problems a few times, but they have always been completely open about it - they've told people they're not going to be able to pay everyone on time, when the money is expected, and I think they've always asked people to say if it's going to be a problem - even if they haven't been able to pay everyone on time, I think they've been able to ensure that anybody who was relying on the payment could have it on time. The most recent time it was only a few who weren't paid on time - and he thinks it was probably those who the company knew had enough savings that it wasn't a problem.

Some companies, when payments have been late and people have incurred bank charges as a result, have paid the bank charges.

This would stress me out and I would also be worried about dh job if the company is having cash flow problems

Only a certain type of man aims derogatory comments towards women, he probably regards it as banter, having a laugh, only joking.Any lame excuse for humiliating someone who was just going about their business.The main thing he wants is admiration from his minions, respect from the lads, I guarantee he will be a pathetic weak character, the runt of the litter
I detest this sort of thing and it’s made me angry just reading the thread.

Sorry, I’m on the wrong thread I was referring to some man commenting on a woman, that’s WFH for you, dangerous nipping in and out

You're certainly not being unreasonable to be stressed about this. Why isn't he worried about being paid less, and the direct debits bouncing as a result? He doesn't sound very financially aware, do you have to do all the household admin? If you have a joint account for the bills, get him to ring the bank.

His company sounds dodgy if they're fraudulently claiming furlough money. HMRC can be informed anonymously, I believe there's a form online you can fill in.

He really needs to look for a new job, there's no guarantee he'll still have a job there when the furlough money stops, and his wages will go down even more when the company have to contribute to the furlough by paying his NI and pension, from August.

If he's so unwilling to engage with you and discuss these problems, and turns it around to make you out to be the unreasonable one, I think you have serious problems in your marriage and should perhaps think about whether it's worth sticking around. Life's hard enough as it is, without having a partner adding to your problems.

Do you mean an agreed pay decrease equivalent to 80% or has he actually been put on furlough officially but his company has asked him to continue to work? If the latter his company is committing fraud. Can you clarify?

Tbh I'm not usually overly cynical but I would think it was really, really strange for my partner to not only not seem that worried about this but then to also make me feel ridiculous about being worried about it...

Are you sure he's going to work? And that he's telling you everything about his finances?

@backseatcookers I am sure he's going to work. I mean they paid him 80% of his usual wage, with no advance warning. They paid him late and their reason for this was that they were waiting for furlough money, this is the first time furlough was mentioned to him. He had not been placed on furlough and he is still going to work.

I'd suspect that they have therefore illegally furloughed him and are committing fraud. Really difficult if he doesn't see the problem though OP. It probably won't be too long before he's looking for another job if money is that tight for the company and they're conducting business in that way.

It would totally stress me out too.

I don't understand the passive approach he is taking - this is really concerning, why on earth isn't he reacting like a normal person here? Does he have form for being weak and spineless in other areas? Or is he a bit dim?

I suspect he’s worried that if he “reacts like a normal person” and starts making a fuss about late wages or deductions he’ll be let go and there will be no more wages at all. The company obviously has cash flow problems and is unable to pay the staff they haven’t furloughed - that doesn’t mean they’re pretending to have furloughed him and are committing fraud, possibly that they’ve not enough money to pay him until they receive their overall furlough grant.

I think you need to give him a kick up the backside and tell him he needs to be looking for a new job because even notwithstanding the current wages situation it looks pretty likely he’ll be redundant at some point soon.

Your DH is being a bit of an arse. Actually a lot of an arse.

It looks as though he's being paid furlough wages - is he in a union? Frankly, they sound too flakey and he should be looking for another job (i know, not hard). And then dob them in to HMRC.

If you have had bank fees related to the late payment of his wages, are there any laws in the UK that allow you to claim them back from the employer?

Your not ridiculous, your DH is just a wimp

It's understandable that employees who are still working don't want to rock the boat if redundancies are on the cards.

That doesn't excuse the employer for paying late but I can see his POV.

Has he had written details of the reduction in salary? Why are some posters assuming the employer is fraudulently claiming furlough money? Where does it say that, just because the employer is using that as an excuse for late payment doesn't mean there's a false claim, they may just not have the money or said that to fob him off or for whatever reason it's easier to pay everyone at the same time.

Realistically there doesn't seem to much you can do if your DH doesn't want to make a fuss

I have staff furloughed in two of my companies, for both of them the payment comes in from HMRC on the last day of the month. I don't know if that's coincidence of if they pay it out to everyone on the same day, it does sound very like they're claiming furlough for him and can't afford to pay before it comes in, if they're in such dire straits as to commit fraud I wouldn't imagine they'll be able to continue the job once they have to start paying his contributions or a share of his wage.