To think it should be more equal

[CreditCrackers]

I'll definitely get attacked over this but it honestly and truly baffles me.
Almost every thread I read on here has a million women saying that the OP can do whatever she wants as the mother and that the father gets no consideration at all.

• One thread today saying that if OP doesn't want the child to stay overnight with the father then that's her choice - even though the child stays overnight with other relatives.
• Threads saying dads don't get to decide on whether or not the child is vaccinated or what form of punishment is used or whether to go to private or state education. There was a post yesterday about a child wanting reconstructive surgery after an accident and the father being ok but the mother saying no.

I cannot fathom why women on this site genuinely seem to think that being a mother gives you more rights than being a father. Does anyone have any reason why they think this?! And if anyone hits me with "because the mother is the one stuck with the kids when he leaves and has an affair blah blah blah" then I will scream at your disgusting sexist attitudes.

I definitely think it should be more equal - both parents should take equal responsibility for childcare and drudge work all the way through- whether they are together or apart

Wanting to be treated equally doesn’t start at divorce like some people seem to think!

I totally agree with what you're saying OP, in general I think men should have more of a say, but then I also think they should do more with and for their kids in general, as it's still often the woman who then does most child care, and I guess if you're in a relationship where you are responsible for your child 24 7 and the dad does an hours parenting a week then it's understandable that the mum feels like she should get more of a say, as she probably knows the child better.

The thread you refer to this morning though was about a recent breakup with a 6 month old baby doing overnight. I thought the general professional advice was that contact at that age should be little and often as it's too young to be away from the primary caregiver for long stretches, especially with babies that are breastfed and where the mum is still on maternity leave. I thought people were referring to this advice rather than saying to cut the dad out, out of spite or to make the mum feel better

My reason for being the decision maker in my relationship is that I do 90% of the parenting. Me and DP are together btw. The only time this ever becomes a problem is when DP arranges for his mother to take our children alone. His mother has proven that she can’t take care of DC far too many times. DP knows deep down his mothers an idiot but allows her to take them to prevent her having a 3 year old style tantrum. I intervene and refuse to let her take them. This is the only time we ever have problems in regards to me ‘over ruling’ his decision. Any other time he knows I make the best decisions for our DC.

I agree that some parents use their children as tools to hurt the other parents. All that do so irrespective of sex should be ashamed of themselves.

All should focus on what is best for the children.

In some rare occasions the best thing for the children is limited or no contact with one or both parents but that is rarely the case.

I have personally seen occasions where parents have set out to hurt the other parent using the child and witnessed the pain that the child suffered, it is unacceptable.

Yes dads (occasionally mums for balance) often don't want to pay maintenance for their kids and that is really rubbish.

That should not impact on contact if contact is in the child's interest.

But there should be routes through law to ensure that this doesn't happen.

Some parents seek to restrict access to punish non paying, others to reduce it to maximise maintenance. But who ever is contributing should realise that the money is for the costs of bringing up their child and the main person they hurt by not paying is the child.

Children benefit from having 2 parents in their life if that can be done safely. Seeing the 2 grownups that love them the most putting aside their pain and differences in order to jointly care for them is an essential message to teach a child that they are cherished.

I do agree that the main carer should usually be the main / final decision maker, unless there’s a good reason why not.