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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don’t like his grandson

35 replies

Scoobydoobydo · 30/06/2020 22:48

....and I feel awful about it.
I met by partner about 15 years ago and he had 1 grandchild. All was well. But since then more have been more and he has a total of 8 grandchildren.
He is a very good Grandfather and takes an interest in all of them and they regularly come and stay overnight.
One of them I actually dislike for no apparent reason and I feel crap about it. He is a typical 6 year old boy. He is a bit of a sneaky child but nothing that warrants this dislike I have for him.
When he comes to stay I actually find myself going out of my way to be extra nice to him, playing with him and cooking him whatever he likes, whilst inside I am cringing about the way he talks, his table manners and the like.
I am ashamed to feel this way about an innocent child.
What is wrong with me?
I love his other grandchildren as if they were mine, but not this one.
I thought long and hard about posting this, but would appreciate if anyone has been in this situation and how they turned it around

OP posts:
happyfeet245 · 01/07/2020 10:37

I'm very sad to say that I understand how you feel as I feel the same about my step son. I've been with my dh for 11 years and the child is now 17, he has a sister who I absolutely adore and think of as my own but DSS really irks me. He has always been sneaky, spoilt and incredibly manipulative and did everything he could to get my DS into trouble as a young child. He has also been violent towards his sister, broken her fingers, cracked her head open and slapped my 6month old around the face when he was 10.

My dh and the boys mother have never told him off for anything and constantly fall for his lies and manipulation.
I have tried very hard with him and particularly when he was younger made sure I treated him as my own but It's reached the point now where everything the boy does makes my skin crawl from the way he licks his fingers to get the dirt off them when outside to the way he'll look me dead in the face and lie to the way he rolls his eyes if he's asked to do anything he doesn't want to.

I do feel very sad to feel like this about my own step son and if I'd known he would get my back up so much I wouldn't have married my DH, I've tried my best and have always treated him as I would any other child but I'm sorry to say I'll be very glad to see the back of him when he goes to uni.

You can't like or get on with everyone op but with blood family flaws are often overlooked, just one of the reasons why step families can be notoriously difficult to navigate.

Valkadin · 01/07/2020 11:00

It feels bad to dislike children but it happens

DS has a lot of friends, one made me very uncomfortable, he was only 11 when I met him. I felt terrible disliking a child, they are 19 now and found out recently he is sexually abusive. DS stopped being friends with him about 18 months ago. I did say to DS I’m sorry to say but I am not keen on R, he said don’t worry Mum I don’t trust him at all. DS met him through his other friends and it was a group friendship thing. He was very good looking, charming and very mature for his age. He was also incredibly manipulative which I could see. A protagonist who got others to do his dirty work so if anything went wrong it would never be his fault.

Just continue to be nice to him, that’s all you can do.

Sally872 · 01/07/2020 11:04

Well done for noticing this is an issue, that is is unreasonable and activily trying to make up for it. Keep trying and hopefully your feelings will change.

LadyPrigsbottom · 01/07/2020 11:11

You can't like everyone!

However, from your description of this boy, I wonder if he is maybe quite unsure of himself, which is why he is "sneaky". When you say you dislike the way he talks etc, is it because he seems to be putting on a bit of a performance? I'd say he is just a very young kid trying to find his way.

You don't have to love him "like your own", as he isn't your own, as are none of the others. This just proves they aren't "your own", as you can pick and choose which ones you love. There is nothing at all wrong with that, but maybe you should be a little more realistic about how much children who you aren't related to and aren't even stepmum to, will mean to you.

What are your DP's expectations? It sounds as if you do a lot with the dcs and that's lovely, but I wouldn't kid myself that they are exactly likemy own grandchildren. Sorry if that is harsh! If you broke up in a less than amicable way with your dp, (God forbid and all that, but it happens all the time, unfortunately), do you imagine you would ever see them again?

AryaStarkWolf · 01/07/2020 11:14

Just grin and bare it and definitely don't tell you DH! We can't like everyone in life

Poppinjay · 01/07/2020 14:10

But ultimately even though they can be absolute arseholes at times can’t you rise above it? I meant it’s a 6 year old. Unless he’s kicking your puppy how can you ‘dislike’ him as much as you say?

The OP has already described how she is putitng a great deal of effort into rising above it and the she doesn't understand he emotions about him.

Waveysnail · 01/07/2020 14:12

Is he the youngest?
I'd he an only child?
You dont like the way he speaks or table manners! How is he different from other grandkids? Does your partner favour him?

Original poster
Scoobydoobydo · 02/07/2020 13:24

Sneaky as in being sly about doing things and then sucking up to his parents and blaming others. So really simply being a child and learning the ways of the world I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scoobydoobydo · 02/07/2020 13:34

Thank you all for your comment from both sides.
So much sense has been spoken.
I would never tell DP although he would be fine I’m sure, but if it were the other way around I wouldn’t be too impressed.
For the record I was a pretty horrible child ( all of which I can justify obvs) but I feel I was out in the open and what you saw was what you got with me.
The thing that concerns me is that he is an innocent child and I was troubled by my total dislike towards him that he doesn’t deserve.
I cannot be near him when he eats because of the disgusting noise he makes, but that’s not his fault is it? That’s down to his parents to teach him manners.
We have both commented to him about his eating but he just looks at us like we are crazy, so I just avoid it.
I think those who said carry on and who knows he may grow into a person I like ( and then he might not like me ha ha) are right and I thank you.
I don’t feel as wretched as I did before

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 02/07/2020 17:14

Sneaky as in being sly about doing things and then sucking up to his parents and blaming others. So really simply being a child and learning the ways of the world I guess.

He's a bit spoiled by his parents then? Parents don't realise that they're not doing their kid any favours by spoiling them, they're doing them a massive dis service, those kids end up being the ones no one likes or wants to be friends with because their parents never taught them how to treat people properly because they were too afraid to upset their baby

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