Tinder during COVID

[Lovebug67]

Hi all, I can't decide if this is going to make me sound totally unhinged or not, but I thought the Msn wisdom could help me gain some perspective.

I have been seeing a guy I met on Tinder for 2 months. He is 32 and I am 30. We have been on roughly 8 dates so far but all of them except the first he has stayed over. He is a surgeon and gets tested 2 times a week. We started sleeping with each other on date 2 but had the most romantic first date. From the beginning he told me that he was not into casual dating and that would prefer to see only people that he could have relationships with and it not just be about sex. I told him that i wanted the same and only wanted relationships with value. We have not committed to exclusivity but recently he introduced me to his friends and i thought that was a step in that direction. In addition,he introduced me as the girl he is dating and got all red when his friends said we were a cute couple.

Things have been proceeding well, although a little slowly.

I have been burned man after man so fast forward to present time he messaged my friend on tinder that doesn't have IG so he doesn't know we are good friends. He messaged her the exact same thing he messaged me 2 months ago. She contacted me and screen shotted the convo to let me know. I told her to respond to see how bad it was. She told him he was good looking too and asked him how long he has been on tinder. He has not yet responded but has been texting me like normal.

Before anyone jumps at my throat, I know he is not doing anything wrong. We are not together, we are not in a committed relationship, he is not cheating on me. However I think 2 months into dating, if he really liked me he wouldn't be playing the field on Tinder reaching out to new people. I’d like to see someone who is genuinely very excited about me (the same way I am about him), not someone who is keeping me around as a B plan and looking for something better in the meantime. This discovery is making me feel uneasy about the whole thing, and I am considering to cool it off.

I know many people would be totally cool with dating someone for months while he is still actively using dating apps/ dating around, but I realized that I am not.

He isnt doing anything wrong, but you don't have to accept it.

Your choices are to either have the chat about being exclusive, or bin him off.

I would be inclined to bin him off.

What? That’s just not right on so many levels! 😱

I don’t think I could meet with him. Ever. Trust and integrity are kinda important things after two months of dating even if you didn’t have the exclusivity chat - call me old fashioned! 😂

Yanbu to be uncomfortable with this, and you have no obligation to see him again.

However, you have left yourself vulnerable by becoming emotionally invested with someone, where not being exclusive is hurtful to you, and not asking for exclusivity.

No I wouldn't like this. I would bin him. Just my opinion but if he was into you he wouldn't be doing that.

Sack him off OP.

I would fully expect a medic, particularly a surgeon, to be serially unfaithful and not believe a word of his nonsense (expect that will go down badly on mn but it's my experience). That said, you didn't talk about exclusivity so that in itself suggests neither of you were expecting it (or he might read it that way). Why not chat about it and see what he says?

He has explicitly stated he doesn’t want casual dating and he’s introduced you to his friends, but is on Tinder messaging other girls?

Block and move on.

Yuck. I’m sorry OP but this is a sign he isn’t into you. When you meet someone you’re really keen on you don’t keep shopping around for someone else. I would honestly end it now before you get hurt.

I found out someone I was seriously dating was still meeting up with other women for sex. Unfortunately I found out after the fact, but in hindsight it was a massive red flag.

It's a tricky one, it's not technically cheating by current dating rules because you're not exclusive, it needs a proper conversation, it's either over or you agree to be exclusive there's no other way forward in my experience. Trust will take a bit longer.

If he’s actively messaging women on tinder, he’s not that interested. You should probably end it unless you’re up for regular casual sex. Also, surgeon is one of the popular fake occupations on Tinder, like those American army officers who send messages on Facebook. I’d be wary.

Think he spun you a line! And wanted casual sex.

What a shame OP, I’d be pretty gutted and there’s no way I could trust him at all. If I were you I’d see where he takes the conversation with your friend then ask him outright whether he’s been talking to other people. His answer (or lack of) will tell you everything you need to know.

@ChipotleBlessing

If he’s actively messaging women on tinder, he’s not that interested. You should probably end it unless you’re up for regular casual sex. Also, surgeon is one of the popular fake occupations on Tinder, like those American army officers who send messages on Facebook. I’d be wary.

There's also a lot of real ones on there, screwing around. Them and sales managers. Ten a penny.