Sons relationship

[Confusedbutheyho]

My son entered a relationship 10 months ago, he barely sees her now due to lockdown but the strength of the relationship hasn’t weakened from it. If anything it’s seemed to help them be closer.

At first he wasn’t too keen on this girl but she chased him and he now idolises her, she’s very intelligent and goes to an excellent private school.

I’m worried as he seems to have cooled his relationship with his friends and now focuses on her. He is always talking about how smart and funny she is, he seems a bit obsessed with how perfect she is!

It seems strange that they never argue and I worry that he’s too concerned with impressing her to disagree with her.

How long do serious relationships at the 17+ last these days?

I’m very concerned that the closeness they’ve formed will be very painful for both of them when it ends and wonder if it’s even a good idea to be this serious during a-levels and I also worry about him losing his friends.

Any experiences?

Why would it be weird for them not to argue OP?

Anyway, if it’s any consolation, loads of people show up at university with boy/girlfriends back home or at other universities. Almost all of them break up within the first term.

Watch out you don’t turn into an archetypal Mumsnet nightmare MIL mind... my mother would have had good cause to have been concerned about some of the boyfriends I had during my teenage years, but she kept her thoughts to herself and let me get on with it.

Before I went to university I was with someone for nearly a year, we told each other we loved each other. And I do believe we did.
But we also had very honest conversations about our future, and we agreed to only choose universities that we're right for us and that we wouldn't try long distance. Because of a previous relationship and broken trust I knew I wouldn't be able to stop any jealousy.

It was very hard saying bye to him on the last day, but I had the whole uni experience to look forward to.

My parents never said if they were worried about the relationship or the choices I might make as a result, tbh I don't think I even told them it was the plan to go our separate ways.

In all honesty I think he gave me the confidence my ex had knocked to move away from my home town.
I think some 17/18 Year olds can be more mature than people give them credit

Leave him to it. He's almost an adult. His relationships are no one's business but his own.

I think you need to leave him to it, they might not break up, but if they do it needs to be something he learns from and not because his mum interfered. Even if you don’t think you are getting involved he will probably be able to sense your feelings.

My sister broke up with her ex because his mum didn’t like her and she felt uncomfortable but they were clearly so in love, at this rate you will cause the same to happen!

It’s not your relationship so not your business, be there for him if he needs it but until then don’t get involved.

You come across like every womans nightmare for a MIL. Maybe you don't intend to but that's just how it seems to me.

I was 17 when I got together with my now-wife - that was 19 years ago. We don't argue either.

Definitely leave them too it - he won’t thank you for interfering and if they do stay together she will definitely find out about your dislike of her and any attempt to break them up. Also my husband and I got together at 17, and we’ve now been together for a decade and married for two years. In my experience with our group of friends, every new relationship makes people forget their friends for a little while, when they become more established he’ll see his friends again more.

Sounds perfectly normal to me. As a mum I know it's hard to not worry about our children, but he's 17, and at some point in his life he will experience heartbreak. I think you should stop obsessing and let him get on with it.

Its young love, leave him be, and have the tissues ready just incase

To be honest I don't really see the concern. I think it's also great that he thinks some of her best qualities are being smart and funny.

Honestly as someone who was in a fairly intense relationship at that age (but healthy, happy etc.),.I'd just back off. My boyfriend's parents at the time were similar in your thoughts but it didn't really make a difference.

OP, they sound like two completely normal teenagers in love and it sounds like you're worrying unnecessarily.

I think you're putting way too much thought and energy into into this and they probably bond over the fact their parents just don't understand!

It's his life so your opinion on whether his relationship is good for him isn't really relevant.

My first relationship lasted 3 years (age 15 to 18, he was a year older). Yes I was upset when we split up, but that's life! I still look back on it fondly.

Don't tell him he will need his friends WHEN it ends! Just remind him that friends are important and not make time for them too. You telling him not to get too close to his girlfriend because you know they won't last, won't work.

I’ve heard you all and thank you for the advice and experiences.

I’m proud of how good of a boyfriend he is and will back off pondering over it and leave them to it. Thanks all.

You need to get a hobby it's not normal to over analyse you're sons relationship.