Can I get advice for a friend?

[Breastfeedingworries]

Going to keep this brief and will add details but just typing quickly.

She was seeing someone since October last year. He said they were serious from January. Long and short is, he’s only really seen her once a week and nothings progressed. She felt insecure and anxious, she’s caught feelings. (Think lots of love bombing, mixed messages and saying she had to wait ect and take it slow blah) he’s been controlling lots of Negatives but she’s hooked on him. Two days ago he ended it (will add detail) then he’s popped up wanting to have a friends with benefits situation, only see her once a week and no more pressure ect.

Just want some words of wisdom, for her has anyone been in this situation? How did it turn out? Has anyone ever had a happy ending? Or should she run for the hills.

Thanks wise ladies.

Theres no happy ending here, he wants his cake and eat it until something better comes along. Harsh but true. He's just stringing her along op

Hasn't your friend wasted enough time already? She should block him and move on.

Thanks both! Just wondering if anyone had been in the same shoes?

She’s next to me now. He’s not seen her for 11 days and wants to see her 4th July, I think to stop her going out. (Btw it really isn’t me) she’s been upset a lot today and just need firm reality check. We’re on the fizzy, she I’ve even hid her phone today to stop her replying within 6 minutes when he makes her wait all day, says he’d let her know by 3, waits till 6. Btw he’s a grown man with two children, he’s 36.

Your friend seriously needs to raise her standards. This man is a useless twat who is just keeping her on the hook for an easy shag until someone he fancies more comes along. Hard to hear, but it's true.

Is he married or in another steady relationship. She is worth more than a quick shag when he has got nothing better to do. She will hang on in the hope it will become serious. It wont. She will just get hurt. He is not worth the heartache. She should ignore his wonderfully kind offer and wait until she can find someone who actually loves and respects her.

Keep it coming ladies thank you I’m telling her everything you say. She’s been wiping tears from her eyes. I’ve been through similar, (But it wasn’t exactly the same, I saw mine every day, and it didn’t have the friendship label) I know exactly how she feels. Everyone one of her friends has said the same but it’s a case of not wanting to push them together more.

She met his children twice, she really thought it was going to become something, he lead her on for a long time, then ended it and now wants this new arrangement.

delete and block and walk away is the only answer
been there and woke up and done this and it was the best thing ever

He wants all the benefits. Whats in it for her. A quickie once a week then nothing. She will sit at home waiting for his next call which may not come. She is a strong independent woman with wonderful friends and family that care about her and love her. In a few weeks time she will look back and think wtaf was I doing. He is really not worth the heartache and she may not be his only friend with benefits.

If she wants a long term committed relationship then she needs to walk away from him now.

You can’t shag someone into loving you. Trust me on that! And whilst she is shagging him the other possible interests that might be what she needs won’t get a look in.

Block him. He just wants sex hes told her this. She wont be the only one hes texting asking to meet up.

Well tonight she’s left me and gone to him. I’ve been there and done that so understand but it’s so hard knowing what will happen and seeing her played. We were meant to be having girlie night and face masks ect. I can’t fall out with her as all adults and I’ve been through love ect. Just so disappointed. He will chew her up and spit her out.

Well tonight she’s left me and gone to him.

Fuck me. What a shame. Some women never, ever learn.

Wtf. I hate it when that happens. It's just gonna end in tears and they wont be his because hes having his cake and eating it.

Years ago, I worked with a girl who’d moved 200 miles to be with her boyfriend. She lived with him and his parents before, after a year or so, he ended it. She couldn’t just move home because of her job, so ended up renting her own flat. He kept coming around, staying over fairly regularly (with ALL the benefits), letting her cook for him... all under the guise of ‘trying to work things out’.

One day she asked me for my honest opinion. I told her she was paying for a flat where he was contributing nothing, he had somewhere to stay when he got fed up with his parents, he got sex without the commitment... basically he was getting an incredibly sweet deal and no way was he going to give that up to ‘work things out’.

It sounds like your friend is in a similar situation. He’ll get everything he wants, while she gets no commitment OR freedom. You can’t force her to see it, but don’t sugar-coat it if she asks.

Thanks all, today she’s acting like she’s seen the light but she’s still in the bubble I can tell. He called her his mate, was very cold towards her. Not affectionate or warm towards her said they could have sex but she reached out to him. He then wanted to watch porn with her. Things were very different she said. Adventurous Ect but she left feeling awful. She said he opened up and said he wanted her in his life but didn’t want the commitment.

She’s in a lock down area so I won’t be seeing her to comfort her now and feel terrible. She’s based in Leicester. so had because we’d planned to go out on the 4th ect and now she won’t get the girls night she was hoping for.

I’m having my own problems with dds dad again so it’s bit of a low day.

I had an ex like this, we were together for 6 months. He wasn't in relationship but had not long gotten out of one, maybe a year before we got together.
It became obvious it wasnt working out and we weren't compatible long term but I was too desperate scared to leave as I didn't want to be alone (🙄) so I just went along with it as I liked the company (I know.. I know. ) he ended it, part of me was upset and another part was fine as i knew it wasn't right anyway.
Well then after he ended it , he then started trying to get me to be his hook up? I guess he just liked the sex part and didn't want to put any effort into an actual relationship.. He became a little desperate at that point but by then I was clear of any feelings I had towards him and he turned my stomach.
Like he can just dump me (not that I really cared but ya know..) then feel like he can just come over when he wants and get laid?? I think fucking not.

Sounds like your friends ex/bf/fb is doing the same. He can't be arsed to date her properly but wants to have her as a convenient shag.
She mustn't do this especially if she's got feelings for him. It will make her feel like shit, hoping he'll "come to his senses" but they never do. He's made it clear (ish, if she looks..) how he feels.

Ah shit sorry I see she already went over

Well I suppose now she's had this experience at least she knows what the status quo is going to be from now on so hopefully that'll give her strength to tell him to fuck off for good.

He sounds vile. He was useless enough when he said he was serious. Now he sounds like he wants to stomp all over what little confidence she has left. He enjoys that she clearly likes him a lot and will lie down and be treated like dirt. She needs to give herself a shake. Raise her standards. She’ll never have a decent relationship while she’s throwing herself at this hideous bloke. I know that sounds harsh, but there’s no other way of saying it.

Run for the hills!! How many more red flags does she need to see?!