Leave my job and work with DH?

[LunaHardy]

Not an AIBU as such, more of a WWYD, but posting for traffic. Long story short, DH has a company, trader. He's done the job since teens but went SE not long after we met. He's great at what he does but not business minded so I helped him set up. Have done loads for him over the years in spare time and when on mat leave, I know the company inside out. Still do his bookkeeping and helped him set up new premises and interview new staff etc. In the last year or so the business has boomed and it's more than I can manage in my spare time now. He's hired a part time admin assistant now who's great but it's still not enough. He wants me to come on board full time. We've always discussed it but I never expected it to actually happen, or at least so soon. I have my own successful, reliable career and I earn well. I'm in two minds about leaving my career to go and work with him, for various reasons. He thinks it's a no brainer as I know the business inside out and if I didn't join him he would have to employ another person full time anyway. WWYD? Take the risk? Or stay in my career and take a back step from the business we grew together?

I wouldn’t but I know I couldn’t work with my DH so that’s why I wouldn’t.

Could you trial it? Take some annual
Leave and do some work for Dh

If he made you legally a joint owner of the business perhaps.

But as pp says, if the business is fully reliant on him being alive and functioning then maybe it is too risky both as a couple having all eggs in one basket and you who even as co-owner would not have a business if he left.

I did this with DH business & now we own the business together. I came on board about 10 years ago and do all the admin side of things. I love it and we work so well together. I couldn't ever go back to working for someone else . I feel passionate about our business and have invested a lot of time and emotion into it & in return it has given us a life that I only dreamed about . Do it it could be the best decision you ever made .

@bert3400 that's lovely. This is what we both envision but I'm aware the reality could be very different!

I think if you are 50/50 shareholders it could work

@BroomHandledMouser those are some of the reasons I'm tempted. We have a dd together so there would be no issues if she was poorly or had sports days or school plays etc. I could be flexible and there would be no commute for me, I currently work in a city about 45 mins away from my house and the commute in rush hour is a joke. I leave the house 7:30am to get there for just before 9am. No chance of me being able to do school run when dd starts school in current job. There's pro's and cons to both, it's nice to hear from people who it works for.

If you have a child about to start school it would be really good if you had some flexibility with work. Lots of people manage without I know but it’s nice if you are able to go to assemblies, school runs, open days etc, especially in the early years

Hoppinggreen

Her dh owns his own business with, seemingly, plenty of staff. He can always pick up some of this too.

I would do it only if it is genuinely 50/50.

You've already said you worked 'for 'him, this must change to work 'with' him if you're giving up your career.

If there were any dithering about legal obtaining 50% share, don't ignore it.

You must also have full access to bank accounts etc.

This is really weird OP as I'm in EXACTLY the same situation. DH has a business that is doing really well, too well in fact, for me to keep helping in my spare time. We have always discussed me working with him at some point and now seems like the time we're going to have to either do it or hire someone else to do it.

Personally, I would like to do it. I've put a lot of time and energy into this business and I'd like to now he a proper part of it. It's hard and scary to take that leap though! I too have a career outside of the business, law. Although to be perfectly honest I don't think I'd miss it all that much.

Yes, it’s nice if both of them can have flexibility but OP said her current job was a commute away that meant she can’t do school runs.
I didn’t mean to imply she should go and work with her DH so she can do school runs etc but if it’s an added bonus that she can do the school runs, assemblies etc IF SHE WANTS TO it’s something to consider

And yes I agree with others, it should be you working with DH, not for him.

I've always been a big part of the business even just doing so in my spare time. I do all of his admin, all of his books and accounts, all of his pay stuff for employees, liaising with our accountant etc etc... So I wouldn't want to just be an employee of DHs and he agrees, we'd be equal partners in it.

I wouldn't. There are things that you can ask an employee to do that you cannot ask a spouse to do, and vice versa. But I'm sure it works well for some.

@Disquieted1

I wouldn't. There are things that you can ask an employee to do that you cannot ask a spouse to do, and vice versa. But I'm sure it works well for some.

I guess this is why I'd definitely be equal with DH rather than an employee. I've already been doing it since the business started, I know what I need to do and when (moreso than DH when it comes to admin, taxes, payments etc) so I wouldn't see DH as my boss but as a business partner.

How would your salary compare op?

How would you feel about not being involved in the business and someone else coming in and helping him move it on?

Me and DH are 50/50 shareholders in our company. I actually set it up and he joined me later when we branched out into another area and at that point I gave him 50% of the shares
We are both very much equals, in fact I probably have more control as I do the admin/ bank stuff etc
I don’t work for him, we work together (albeit not on the same projects) which is fine, I would never work for a family member and it sounds like OP wouldn’t be an employee either

I have worked for my husband (for though, no with). Didn't work out........................................ I left (he said he sacked me . We are still together though.

Sounds positive with everything you’ve said so far. I would be very tempted to go in as a partner. Especially if DD is going to school soon. There’s often lots of assemblies and events to go in for. So nice to have that flexibility.

You could always trial it for a set period of time or review every 6 months if you could get into your current career quite easily.

I would say that our current crisis demonstrates how risky it can be for both partners to be relying on one sole business. If he had a hairdressing or hospitality business you'd have been without both incomes.

What would the company structure be? Are you shareholder, director, partner, or employee? If your relationship went wrong what would you be entitled to?

How would you make decisions about the future of the company - growth, take on more employees, diversification... would he make all the decisions or would you genuinely be an equal decision maker?

What would the dynamic be? If he's the 'professional' and you're the support, is your time and workload determined by his activity? My dsis is in this position. Her dh is in a professional role and is a workaholic - keeps on taking on more and more, new and exciting projects, all very stimulating for him. My dsis gets overwhelmed with the admin and support consequences. She ends up working into the evenings, or cancelling meet ups with friends and family because her dh just took on the work without thinking about the consequences.

What about holidays? If you're the main support what happens if you go away for a 3 week cruise? Is there someone else who knows enough to manage things while you're away or do you/dh have to be always on call?

I work with my husband and it is the best thing I have ever done.

I am his ‘boss’. We get the freedom to go out together in the day when business allows. We have separate offices and we make sure we have defined ‘us’ time and defined ‘work’ time.

I love it. I wouldn’t go back to him working elsewhere and not having that flexibility for school runs, etc.

Thanks all for all your input it's really helpful. Just to answer a few questions, my role would be more management in nature as opposed to basic admin, we have part time admin staff for that. I would be managing the payroll, suppliers, organising projects etc and liaising with other companies.
We would both see it as working together, not sure why I've said working "for" him.
I already have access to banking, I'm a named signatory on the business bank account.
DH is still very much involved with hands on side of things, often leaves the house very early as works all over the country. Childcare is normally left to me for this reason so being able to do school runs would be ideal, dd is only 2 so we have plenty of time to sort that. He does do nursery drop offs or pick ups if he's local though, but it's rare.
We would have to make an effort to not let work take over home life though, we do discuss it in the evenings a lot as he will ask my advice about things/run things by me etc. But maybe if we were working together more of that would get discussed during the day?

Such a tough decision to make!

In terms of salary that would be negotiable and whatever is affordable. It's likely that it would be less than what I earn now but we could afford a bit of a pay cut, especially if I'm not paying to commute daily and pay for parking at current job.

@BeanieBart how are you feeling about it? Part of me wants to let go and let it flourish without me. But the other part feels a bit protective over it, we started it together and we've both put a lot of time and energy into it over the years and it's finally starting to pay off! I really am in 2 minds. Think I'm going to do the old fashioned "write down the pro's and con's" as that's how I make most of life's most important decisions

What would happen for holidays? Would the business run ok? Also if one or both of you were ill (died?). Are you fully covered for that sort of event? If business goes bust, would either of you get another job easily?

As I have said, I worked (for, not with) DH. Never again, although we did gain all the advantages for childcare etc. In the end it started to become a bit too easy (to be honest) and I was disappearing to do childcare stuff all the time. (Don't know what the other staff thought.......)

I did, kind of. I’m working with my husband now, as 50/50 owners, and to do so, I left my full time job (not a career but something I was skilled in) and took on a v low hours part time admin job, to keep my hand in more than anything else, my just in case! At the end of the day, it’s a business he set up before he met me and I just wanted a back up plan, in case, for whatever reason, it didn’t work out.
I love it, I can work from home, as and when it suits me and I’m able to do a bit of the physical side of the job (something I used to do, long ago, and loved but moved away from for various reasons). I ensured I am no worse off now than before, and my part time salary goes straight into my savings.
We have insurances to cover an eventuality where one or both of us was unable to work, and we have some really decent, trustworthy staff now so we’re able to take holidays if we wanted to.