to find being a mum so utterly draining?

[highlyunreasonable]

Firstly let me start by saying I love my kids. I try to be happy smiley Mummy in front of them. We bake, we do crafts, I sit and help them through their school work when I can. We go exploring nature, we have days out and I do have some genuinely wonderful moments with them but I also have this crushing guilt and fear that I am not doing enough. I'm also finding motherhood completely and utterly draining at the moment.

Perhaps it's the fact I'm working full time from home while trying to parent/ homeschool but I'm feeling like I just want to crawl into bed and hide from the world. I'm no longer with their father but we have a good amicable relationship and co-parent well. I find myself looking forward to the days they are with him and while I miss them when they're not here, there's a slight dread when I know they're returning. I feel awful for even typing that though :(

One example of what I find so hard - We walked the dog this morning in the local park/woodland. They both decided they wanted to pretend to be dogs too so they wanted sticks throwing, rolling around on the floor, tummy tickles, pretending to be on a lead, etc. I just struggle so hard to join in with this type of play, I find it so mentally exhausting and I just cannot be arsed - does that make me an awful mum??!

The second I sit down to do any work my name gets shouted or they're in my office asking me something about their schoolwork. I get one sat down and sorted with something to do and by the time they're on with it the other has an issue and is asking me something else. I'm so sick of hearing myself say "Just a minute, Mummy has work to do"

I constantly have this anxiety that I'm not doing enough for them or with them but also find myself trying to avoid certain things they want to do with me because I hate it. They both asked me to play 'Mums and Dads' with them the other day which basically involved me tucking them into bed 246 times while they pretended to be babies. I hated every minute of it - I find it so mind numbingly boring.

I don't mind sitting and playing a board game with them, or doing some painting or some cooking/ baking with them but often they ask me to join in these imaginary play games and I'm finding it harder and harder to get in volved.

I don't even know why I'm posting really, just feeling like a shit Mum and wondered if anyone else feels like this ever?

It's extra draining at the moment because we are not just parents right now, we have to be their friends too. Do you think parents in the 1970s were rolling round on the grass pretending to be dogs? No, the kids would be kicked out of the house to play with other kids. Now, our children can't even go to school so we have to be parents, teachers and their entire social life. It's pure hell

Don’t feel bad OP. Imaginary play is fucking awful. Give me a board game or colouring any day but running around acting out scenes from
Fireman Sam makes me want to drink, heavily.

I cant imagine the drudgery parts of parenthood without a partner to share the load with. You’re doing amazingly and nothing you’re saying isn’t something that other parents all think, however much we adore our children. Don’t beat yourself up, seriously!

Thank you, that's made me feel slightly better. As I was reading your replies they had an argument about who was sat where at the kitchen table and both ended up in tears. They do play well together 80% of the time but these arguments still happen at least once or twice a day and I have to walk away because I just want to cry or scream at them both

Its definitely not just you

I’ve never done much imaginary play! I despise it with a passion and I’m also crap at being silly too.
Parenting is shit tbh. Same old crap day after day. I’m a single parent with no input from DS dad, I don’t even know where he lives.

I had just started going to the gym, DS is 10 and pretty sensible so I could leave him at home, and that really made me much happier but then lockdown happened.
Thank god im a nurse and still had to go to work 5 days a week!
I don’t think you are alone with your feelings. Some people love all the parenting crap and some find it so boring

Please don't feel bad OP. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Imaginative play can be so draining, when my DC are at nursery and pre school I find there's much less requirement for me to join in, but during lockdown it's been constant. DD is 5 and it's basically her favourite thing. From the second she wakes she's in our room demanding to play 'mermaids' or 'dogs' or whatever thing she has thought up. I've nothing against being daft and crawling about with them, but I'm 41 and my tolerance and energy are in limited supply! But then I feel so bad she doesn't have her friends around to join in (her brother is 2 so she gets bored with playing with him).

It's so bloody hard though. Having to do this day in, day out...and it just and harder doing it on your own. You're absolutely not an awful mum, in fact you're the opposite because you care so much! The end (I hope) is in sight (I'm in Scotland and schools go back in August...)

You sound like a great mum

You are in no way a shit mum. Parenthood is relentless, even when your kids are easy to manage. My children are adults now, and I absolutely loved it when they were little as they were both so enjoyable to be around, but I remember well the daily slog of just trying to make it through the day with the endless pile of shit to do. I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I am their school days are over. Some mornings I wanted to hide in the wardrobe and not come out.

Listen to the parenting junkie podcast the latest one. It’s about this very topic. We are burning out because we are taking on roles we don’t need to and then feeling guilty. You can still have a good relationship with the children even if you don’t play with them x

I am completely overwhelmed with parenting just now. I do have a husband but he's been pretty useless recently so he's just an extra person to look after. I have 3 children aged between 3 & 13. We finished up school last Friday and I had a massive sob of relief. I just want to be their parent again as I feel like I've no more energy for parenting and having fun times with them after I've done the schoolwork, WFH myself and cleared up/cooked/shopped/cleaned. I also need some time to myself regularly to collect my thoughts/rest/be on my own and I don't have that at all just now, everyone is here ALL THE TIME!

I absolutely don't think the way you are feeling is unusual. I am having to force myself to do nice things with my kids as I am so knackered and fed up. This morning I made pancakes and now I could SLEEP. My 11yo son wants me to read a script he's written and watch something on YT and I just can't be arsed. I desperately don't want them to remember me being grumpy and miserable and down but I really am in a post lock down slump.
I find imaginary games so incredibly dull too, you are definitely not alone!

I could’ve written this today. DD wanted me to put her teddies today bed for the 60th time, it was making her so happy so I felt awful for feeling so irritated and bored.

I’ve tried crafts today like painting and sticking sparkly Pom poms on the paper, DD not interested, wants me to go tuck in her teddies. I want to just sit on the sofa a eat a big bowl of pasta and scroll on my phone for an hour but obviously I can’t and I’d feel hugely guilty for ignoring DD.

You’re not a bad mum at all OP

Yep, quite often. I have come to the conclusion I love my child, but hate being a parent.

Do you think parents in the 1970s were rolling round on the grass pretending to be dogs? No, the kids would be kicked out of the house to play with other kids.

I have never thought of it this way before but this makes so much sense.

I fucking hate imaginary play. I'm also useless at it. I've asked myself the same thing you are OP: "does that make me a bad Mum?" But thinking about it now, surely it's completely normal and natural for a 36 year old woman to feel bored, self-conscious and frustrated playing fairy-princesses? This expectation (even pre-lockdown) that we will be our DC's playmates as well as parents makes parenting feel even more draining and relentless than it is anyway.

Yeah. I often wonder how my mum coped with 2 of us in the days before tablets and when the TV only had 4 channels and not one of them played kids shows all day.

Don't feel bad! My dc are the same, they come up to me pretending to be cats or spend their time arguing. If I jers the words "mum, is it my go.on the computer?" Once more I might scream. I don't actually give two hoots who's turn it is. I'm fed up of trying to get them to do their school work in between my own work. In laws took them out to the beach last week whilst I worked, yes my heart sank too when they arrived home. Much easier to work with out them here. My dh comes in from work and asks them what school work they've done. They are 8 and 6 so need help. It annoys me as I know he's basically aiming it at me to see what I've down with them. He texts me in the day saying he's been browsing stuff he wants in the Internet, mean while I'm at home struggling to get my work done in between sorting them out!!! I just think its difficult times for everyone. Don't feel bad OP sounds like you're doing OK.

Yes @welcometohell. Of course we don't enjoy playing sodding unicorns or tea parties. Children should be playing with other children. Even without lockdown, children nowadays probably spend far too much time with their parents as they have so much less freedom than previous generations. How can we go from playing to parenting and retain our authority? We can't. It's impossible

Imaginary play is wank! I do it through gritted teeth but often I'll say no because I just don't want to do it!

I do plenty of other things so I'm sure that makes up for it.

FYI there is no way that either of my parents participated in any imaginary play. I don't hold it against them.

The research says that imaginary play is best for the child's development when it's unobserved .

Yanbu. My parents never rolled in the grass playing dogs with me, but they are my best friends and we are very close.

Yanbu it is exhausting

I've never been a single parent so I don't have that experience but after running my own business looking after three kids was a stroll in the park. Also , as mine are 16, 14 and 12 there is no homeschooling as such more making sure they are up-to-date with their coursework and attending their online tutorials but they are back one day a week 8.15 - 5.15 , and that has made a big difference.

@VesperLynne I also run a business but I find that so much easier than the parenting!

Thanks all, you've reassured me slightly that I'm not doing such a terrible job! It is a mad time for everyone at the moment and I guess that's what's probably getting to me more than anything.
My eldest is terrible at amusing herself and is constantly saying 'what are we doing now/tomorrow?' My response at the moment is just constantly 'mummy has to work' and she has a way of making me feel like the worst mum in the world for not providing 24/7 amusement and entertainment

Stop with the imaginary play, they can do it with each other. I had two children 17 months apart precisely so I don’t have to do this.

I allocate seats at the table for all three of my children. Never waver from it and they don’t question it and don’t argue.

I think you’re doing a pretty good job all things given.

I'm only part time so it's easier but I've allocated specific times I'm available. an hour for school work in the morning and an hour for playing/baking/craft in the afternoon. the rest of the time they have to entertain themselves with an hour of tv thrown in. it helps with the expectations.