There's no excuse for parents...

[CyberLife]

To NOT know what their children are up to online.
Get a Facebook account, get a Twitter account, get a TikTok account.
Tell your kids they aren't allowed their phones / WiFi passwords if they block /
Restrict you following them...

If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong... happy to admit it if I am.

But being 'too old' is not an excuse, my 75 year old father can learn new technology and has so much more knowledge than me. It's not an excuse. (Except medical reasons - including mental disabilities / health)

Kids dont bother with facebook or twitter, it's mainly tiktok or snapchat. Even instagram isnt as popular as it used to be. Dont know about tiktok, but I know things disappear off snapchat very quickly.

I'm as safe as I can possibly be with my kids online. I am fully aware that if they wish to deceive me, have second accounts, hide things, or lie, then there are ways they can do that as well though.

Not really sure who you're ranting at however. I've never seen anyone on MN say they are too old to keep their children as safe as they can online.

Get a Facebook account, get a Twitter account, get a TikTok account

No way would I get any of those just to please, or spy on, my kids.

If kids intend to deceive they will find a way whatever parents do.

I had absolutely zero privacy as a child and teenager even without the internet, I dread to think what my parents would have been like if we'd had it.

How about nurturing a good relationship with your DC (especially teens)?
That way you don't need to spy on your kids. You can have an open discussion about online safety and ask them how they keep safe, even better, let them show you!
Try it, it does actually work!
And yes, if they want to deceive you, they will!

Not really sure who you're ranting at however. I've never seen anyone on MN say they are too old to keep their children as safe as they can online.

I've never seen anyone say they're too old but I've seen a worrying amount who know absolutely nothing about the basic features of their own FB accounts (not that kids really use FB nowadays).

But if they don't know how to simply block people/snooze from their newsfeeds/set their privacy settings so only friends can message them (these seem to be the most commonly unknown things on MN), then God knows how they manage to keep their kids safe online.

And don't even start me on those who believe every sob story going and send money to complete strangers.

I'm not keen on spying - I'd rather talk openly and honestly about what I expect and how we can meet in the middle. He's 14 and hasn't been a dick online so far - a friend of his from school sent him hideously pornographic videos of a girl at his school - he came to me and explained the situation and to be honest whilst I was blindsided by what had been sent, it showed that DS had the maturity to ask for help rather than just blindly pass it on. I don't think he'd have been willing to do that had we not been quite so open and frank about using social media.

You are being very naive OP as soon as kids hit year 7 they open a new private account for communicating with their peers. No self respecting teen uses FB or Twitter its all snapchat, Tiktok or sometimes instagram.

the worst parents are the smug ones who believe they know it all....

It's not so much about spying (in the lines of internet safety, not keeping an eye on them). It is (in terms of social media where you can see people's contacts) about deterring predators. There was a study (in Liverpool, I think) that showed that the chance of a predator (of whatever kind) preying in a child is hugely reduced by them having their parent as a contact. The parent didn't need to do anything, just their presence made predators move in to easier prey.

I guarantee that you have no idea what you're kids are up to online. You'd need to have a flat-out abusive relationship in order to know. Don't think that kids won't get a second phone, having multiple accounts or edit their settings to hide things from you. Stop being so pious and smug, you're no better than other parents - you're just more naive.

Discord in our house.

I remember doing all the passwords, timers on the WiFi and DS1 just joined his mates across the roads hot spot. I put a no phone rule in place In the bedroom and a different mate gave him his old one. I decided to Use some trust and conversations on the dangers.

When you say children, what age are you talking about?
5, 10, 15?
Do you think that following your 16 yr old on snapchat is going to tell you ANYTHING about what they are up to?
What if they don't tell you about their twitter account?

YABU. Do you really think that every child who is groomed online has neglectful parents who didn’t try to protect them and monitor them online? You sound very naive

What about fostering good relationship so you don't need to micromanage their lives? If you have to monitor their every waking moment it indicates a fundamental problem with your relationship. Take time to listen to them so they aren't finding validation in what others think - on line or else where.

You don’t seem to know very much about Snapchat or teenagers.

Can't decide if you are that smug or that naive.

It’s nothing to do with being tech savvy. It’s about privacy, trust.... would you also join every WhatsApp group your 16 yr old is in?

Up to a certain age you can limit their exposure- buy gadgets with limited functionality, install blockers etc. They reach a certain age and they know more about it than you do, it's inevitable. You'll always play catch up as they move from place to place and you try and follow and restrict.

The only person I'm my house restricted by the filters is me. Everyone else knows how to get round them.

Best by far is to spend time with them, build a relationship with them, and work on them being able to tell you what is going on in their world. Teach them the skills they need to stay safe. Discernment, responsibility, ability to ask for help.

My guys are still babies but I'm dreading the technology stage. I think parents have a responsibility to be aware of the dangers that are out there. I think understanding sm is a small step in that. My dh is in IT and I used to say to him he needs to be all over spyware or whatever we'd need, and he laughs and says 100% it'll be a weekly game he plays with dc to see who gets ahead, because he knows there's no way you can completely keep them safe online. All you can do is keep them confident and trust us and that they understand the dangers too.