192 credits- funeral flowers- can anyone help?

[AllTheWhoresOfMalta]

Hi everyone

Not an AIBU but putting it here for traffic. Does anyone have 192 credits that could look up an address for me if I PM you the details, please?

A good friend from uni has lost their father. She’s gone down to be with her mum and I want to send some flowers and maybe some nice wine to my friend rather than to the funeral to hopefully cheer her up and let her know I’m thinking of her, but don’t want to bug her for her mums address while she’s going through such a tough time. Because she’s a friend I’ve only ever known as an adult I don’t know her parents house/address.

I’ll love you forever if you can help!

I think that's a bit stalky to be honest. Her Mum might be upset you've found where they live. Some older people are like that. Also sending wine to cheer her up sounds a bit off for a family death.

Honestly, I would just text your friend and ask for the address. Your method might make both your friemd and her Mom uncomfortable.I probably would not send the wine.

@purplecorkheart

Honestly, I would just text your friend and ask for the address. Your method might make both your friemd and her Mom uncomfortable.I probably would not send the wine.

I agree, sending wine doesn't quite seem an appropriate thing to do, to me that would be for a positive event rather than a sad one.

If you text she can reply when she feels up to it. Wouldn't you feel a bit uncomfortable when she asks you how you found out her address?

Agree this is a bit weird. Totally fine to ask for her mum's address and send flowers. I wouldn't send wine either.

How do we know you're not a stalker?

How bizarre, why would you think it’s appropriate to do that.

On another note, if I was her I'd be really annoyed and freaked out if a friend used a stranger from the internet to find out my mum's address when my dad's just died. I know you have good intentions but honestly just text her.

Okay- I’ll bite: didn’t mean it to seem weird, know my friend will like it, didn’t want to bother her with a dopy WhatsApp from me at a time like this and just wanted to do something nice and give her an unexpected smile. She will definitely appreciate the wine, as would her mum! I’ve seen other people ask similar things on Mumsnet before, hence why I did. I’ll find out some other way.

Sometimes this site is a very weird place. Maybe it’s my fault for using AIBU 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I wouldn't ask strangers on the internet to look up the address of a bereaved person. Though your intention is kind I know. You just never know who might respond.

My mum died 3 weeks ago, friends who I haven't seen for years sent messages, usually along the lines of..."Bupkis, I heard the news about your mum. I am so very sorry, just wanted to let you know that I/We are thinking about you. I have something/a card for you, if I could have your address. Loads of love Bupkis's Friend"
I appreciated the message and the sentiment and gave them my address.
Do this, it's much better than getting a stranger on the internet to find someone's address.

@AllTheWhoresOfMalta
It's a nice thing to do though, hope your friend is ok. It's a very strange time to lose a loved one.

It all sounds a bit fishy to me. Perhaps your friend wanted to get away from you?

Just text and ask for the address as you want to send her mum a card..........the flowers would still be a nice surprise.

Sometimes this site is a very weird place. Maybe it’s my fault for using AIBU 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think this is down to AIBU 😐

I’m sure your heart is in the right place, but it does seem an odd way of going about things. Remember, in the online world nobody knows you - you could be an obsessive ex for all anyone here knows. If she’s a friend you care for enough to send a present at this time, she won’t considered it pestering if you simply and sensitively ask for the address.

A colleague did this for me a few years ago and it was very much appreciated. Of course she had to ask me for the address, so it couldn’t be a surprise (and I do completely get your ‘unexpected smile’ point), but it was still a lovely gesture. Just ask - the way Bupkis’s friends did it sounds nice and sensitive.

I've seen a few things on here but I don't remember anyone expecting a stranger to find another another stranger's address.

If you are a mad stalker though you're a pretty poor one I guess, 192 credits are quite cheap aren't they?