How to get over feeling nervous

[Verity35]

I really hope I get some replies as I can’t speak to anyone in my real life as it’s a little embarrassing. I’ve always been a nervous person but since having kids (youngest is one) I seem to be spiralling downwards even more. Even posting this is causing me anxiety as I keep thinking say if someone in my real life reads this and realised it’s me! I feel I’m wasting my life away. I’ve recently got a job which I’m starting in September but I’m already having induction meetings for and before every meeting I get an upset tummy and can’t sleep in night then after meeting I keep getting angry at myself for saying stupid things and going over everything I said (like I’m doing right now). I can’t live like this, I feel I’m wasting my life away but most importantly my kids life. I have had counselling but quite honestly I feel it makes me worse as I’m thinking about it more.

If I didn’t have my kids to think of I don’t think I could carry on living like this and would have ended my life as it gets so intense sometimes. I can’t stop spiralling and thinking I made a fool of myself in certain situations. Surely people don’t dwell on things I say as much as I think they do?

In a recent online meeting I was trying hard not to appear nervous and I think they thought I was a complete idiot.

I think you need to see your Gp and talk to them about anxiety.

I did get a referral to talking therapies but it didn’t help to be honest. I’m wondering if there something else out there instead of counselling

Counselling or CBT? Counselling won't help as it's just rehashing everything. CBT would be more appropriate and helpful.

Google "cci resources anxiety" . They have free online modules based on CBT that may help.

Being nervous is normal and useful to a degree because it's your body preparing you to tackle something challenging, but when it gets out of control it needs reining in a bit.

Thank you user I think it’s getting worse due to the online meetings I’m doing for my new job. I feel they think I’m stupid as I’m self conscious do sit there with a grin on my face (trying to hide my nervousness) and I probably look nervous. I keep going over what I said. The meeting was on Tuesday but I’m still up now not sleeping as I’m thinking about it

I understand about the therapy.
You want to try and block out these feelings and the therapy just keeps bringing them back up.
I was on meds for similar for 4 months recently. They really helped. I stopped being nervous about what others think, stopped replaying things over and over in my head. I went from being scared of everything to being confident. I got into a better way of thinking that I've been keeping up with since coming off the meds. It honestly saved my life.

@Dk20 - if you don’t mind me asking what meds were they? I had antidepressants when I was 18 but I stopped as my eyes looked weird and people commented. I think it was something like seroxat or something it was similar to serotonin but can’t remember name. Do you feel side affects with your meds? Can people tell your taking them by looking?

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time! I used to have social anxiety at work too. If I made a mistake, of dwell on it for months, if not years. For me, SSRIs were and absolute revelation. I was very sceptical and really reluctant to take "mind-altering" medication, but they really worked and I just felt normal and "okay", for maybe the first time ever. It was amazing to finally get a break from the constant negative thoughts spinning round and round. I probably should have had CBT as well, but it's so hard to find the time with small children.

Please talk to your GP! They can help you! I know it's hard to feel that you deserve anything good when you feel this way, but you really do. If it makes more sense to you to think that your children deserve a happy mother, then focus on that instead.

@TheVamoosh thank you! I’m really considering medication now but I’m also a little scared so will talk to GP. Can people tell if someone is on meds? I remember when I told seroxat my mum told me I look crazy and my eyes are funny (she’s a major cause of my MH due to years of abuse by her)

*took not told seroxat

By the way, the medication I had was Citalopram and like the PP, the effects lasted Street I stopped taking them. They helped to "reset" my anxious brain? I was on them for a year and I didn't really have any side effects. Nobody will be able to tell you're on them, it's not that kind of drug.

Your mother sounds horrible, no wonder you've got these problems.

That should be the effects lasted after I stopped taking them!

Thank you Vamoosh. I really hope they will work. I’ve spent years feeling like this and thinking nothing will help. I’ve just made a thread on antidepressants to get more insight. Thank you x

Hello op, sorry you're feeling this way and your story sounds sadly very familiar. Anxiety is so so debilitating and I speak from experience, I have found citalopram very useful. In my opinion you need to see your GP to explain all that you are feeling and how it's affecting your life at the moment. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, it won't be forever that you are feeling like this.

Blamangeatrois - thank you. I’m glad you’re finding the meds useful. How’s your overall experience been on them?

Someone above noted everyone feels nervous and worries about looking silly. What helps me is to own it. By that, I'll say to people something like, I'm a little bit nervous and trying not to make a twit of myself. Everyone can relate to that and you might find you relax a little / they make more effort to help you feel at ease.

Verity35, to answer about using citalopram... I left it far too long to realise I needed them, as in, anxiety symptoms had reached crisis level before I went to find help, so worried the GP wouldn't take me seriously and questioning myself over and over "pull yourself together" and "you don't need them" etc etc but thankfully my GP was fantastic and within a short time of taking them it was like all the "noise" quietened and I could breathe, like a big sigh of relief. Sleep improved and after a time I just felt calmness descend. Honestly, when first taking them I had side effects, but they were minimal and worth it for the relief and I do find that I can't dwell on things too much, which is a good thing, BUT I have noticed my memory isnt quite as great as it was, nothing to be concerned about but I want to be honest. It's like everything, there are consequences and all drugs have effects. I just know, for me, they have been a life saver (without being too dramatic) .

And no, nobody can tell that you are taking them. Unless you count appearing so much calmer and happier!

Hi Verity35, I found researching about anxiety really helpful. For example, the over thinking we do is called ruminating and it is really unhelpful, increasing the anxiety and keeping our bodies in a state of heightened threat. Medication can help with this but there are also other ways of helping ourselves including understanding anxiety and learning some mental processes which might help. King's College London have some excellent articles from their Centre for Anxiety and Trauma here:www.kcl.ac.uk/ioppn/depts/psychology/research/ResearchGroupings/CADAT

I’ve been sceptical of meds as I always knew from a young age my family life was odd and families are not like this. I suffered really awful abuse and neglect as a child. I also had siblings who were very cruel. I always thought Meds won’t help as they can’t magic up a living and caring family. I have my kids now so do have something to live for.