To have DS stay at grandparents every week?

[Parlour20]

I’ve been struggling with moderate anxiety on and off since my DS was born four years ago. It flared up again early this year, as I was diagnosed with quite a serious health issue. The treatment was successful and I have to go for follow ups for the next few years to make sure the problem doesn’t return, so it’s a pretty positive outcome but it really set off my anxiety. Feeling constantly anxious for 6 months + has taken its toll on my mood. For the first time in my life, I think I may at risk of my low mood developing into clinical depression.

For background, I am a single parent and DS father has been very flakey. He has been back in DS’s life consistently for around a year and a half now. He pays a reasonable amount of maintenance, and sees him most days, which has been a huge weight off my shoulders. But he does not ever have him for extended periods of time - he is living in overcrowded accommodation with people I don’t know, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable with DS visiting there anyway. The time he spends with DS is going to the park for a couple of hours, doing the bath and bed routine etc.

With my recent anxiety/low mood, my DM has suggested DS to stay over once a week.

This would be an absolute dream for me. In the four years since he has been born, I have not had any longer than 6-8 hours away from him. Even when I have spent time with friends or gone out, I have to watch the clock to make sure I’m back on time, so as lovely as that time is, I never feel like I can truly relax. I love him dearly, and enjoy our time together and being a parent, but I feel so burnt out.

That being said, I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of DM offering. They have a great relationship and are close, and see each other weekly anyway, but we have never done any overnight arrangements before.

I would really appreciate any views on this - AIBU to take DM up on this offer?

How wonderful to have this support and to know what a close relationship your son already has with your parents. Do it once, see how you all find it, you don’t have to commit to anything.

I agree with the consensus: this is a really great thing for you, for her, and for your son.

If it makes you uncomfortable to have it be openended, you can also set a sort of timeframe at which point you can revisit it--so say he stays over once a week through the next six weeks or through the end of August, and then you can see how it goes and decide together whether you want to continue.

But I would accept the help without hesitation. You need a break. Your mother wants to give you one. Let her help.

Absolutely take her up on it- if it helps your mental health it will ultimately help your DS.
Plus, she offered, I’m sure she wouldn’t have if she didn’t want to.
I know my PILs would offer to have our kids 50/50 if we’d let them!!! It’s a blessing to have people who love your children and want to spend time with them, embrace it

Sounds like a great idea. I agree that a set period with a review sounds like a good option, so that you can both say how you feel about it to save it becoming open ended.

What a lovely mum to offer

Blimey OP you should be biting your mum's hand off! I have a 4 week old grandson and I can't wait until he's old enough to stay over, so do yourself, your son and your mum a favour and let it happen for goodness sake

Do it. My dc don't do it anywhere near that often and we don't need them to but they love to stay with their grandparents. My in-laws do loads of things with them that we can't.

Children have the best adventures while being spoiled by their grandparents and you would have some breathing space.

I might bite an arm off if I were offered this by a close family member 😂 you need the time off, and your son and mother will both benefit from a stronger bond. I have wonderful memories of my cousins being round ours every weekend as a kid.

It’s not unusual to not have any more that a few hours away from your child in the first few years . I know some people have a babysitter from birth, others like myself have no extended family, so the first time I spend 6 hours away from ds was when he got his 15 free hours at nursery.

Doesn’t matter what other people do. Do what works for you.

Take it, you need it. Health issue or not parenting is an ingredient to burn out. You can always say straight to your mom if she is finding it too much to always be honest and let you know X

Do it. My son’s happiest memories are staying with his grandparents. It will be brilliant for all of you.

I stayed with my grandmother from Friday night to sunday lunchtime nearly every weekend from 5 to 13. Totally my choice

She has offered. If you feel comfortable with it, do it.

Just to say I understand your reluctance, I felt the same, for what now looking back were totally silly reasons. I didn't accept the offer but with hindsight it was daft of me not to. Your son will love it and you will feel better.

You don't need to take up the weekly offer just yet, but ask her to take him once and see how she feels first? If she is up to taking care of 4 years old after this trial, then you don't feel so guilty about it ?

How is it cheeky? She offered.

Please get better at asking for help. It is not weakness to ask for help.

Go for it!!! You need a break for your mental health, however if you are worried about being cheeky make sure your DM knows that if at any time it is too much or she has other plans for a particular weekend then it is no problem. That's what I had to do to ease my anxiety when my inlaws offered to have the kids for a few days to support me through a tough time. Enjoy having a mental break and focus on you.

If everyone is happy to for it.

Do it.

I've had to use parents' and in-laws' help a lot in different ways over the years, including living with. Aside from how much it has helped me, the relationship my kids have with all their grandparents is just beautiful. Their lives are utterly enriched by these different, interesting people with their own particular skill sets and life experiences. All the grandparents continually tell me how special it has been for them too. Just make sure your mum knows how to say if she needs a weekend off.

This is your mum, Not some random great aunt, are you really asking this question?

I love having my grandaughter overnight and she is not two yet.

Take the help definitely. As a single mum it is so nice to have a night to yourself every now and again where you are not responsible for dinner and bedtime and can just relax.

You can keep checking in with your mum after a few overnights to see if it is working for her, if she is coping ok.

I’m sure they’d both love it! Sounds like a perfect solution l

Ooh bite her hand off!
Just tell her to tell you if it gets too much. Repeat this every now and again.

Got a bit confused by the voting, but very reasonable. I loved spending a night at my Granny's when I was small. It didn't happen as often as once a week, to my regret, but I wish it had.