Namechanged.
I have depression, anxiety disorder and agoraphobia with pretty severe panic attacks. Currently getting ready to TTC, and on the advice of one doctor I thought I'd at least try to taper off my antidepressants. I'm on 20mg citalopram, which has never been amazing for the panic attacks but keeps me on an even keel. I'm in week two of a slow taper and feel like I'm in hell - the physical withdrawal symptoms are not a huge issue but it's the resurgence of serious panic attacks. I was previously getting them maybe once a month and not as severe. I've had four this week and last night's was enough to make me wonder why I'm doing this.
I have a telephone appointment with the GP on Monday to discuss. I may just go back to my regular dose, but I am also considering switching meds as citalopram is still not very effective for the panic. I feel weak for this, I am aware of potential risks to any baby that may be conceived but I'm starting to think it's worse for my mental health to be unmanaged. I am also concerned about worsening mental health during pregnancy which obviously wouldn't be great for the baby either.
I have been on fluoxetine in the past for a short time so considering that, or whatever the doctor might suggest. I feel a bit of a failure, but the idea of dealing with pregnancy stresses while unmedicated is frightening ME. I have a history of suicidal ideation and health anxiety which is greatly helped by taking meds.
I would appreciate positive stories about taking antidepressants during pregnancy (and during breastfeeding if possible) if you have any. I will be trying to stabilise on whichever med I take before TTC. Everything else I am preparing as best I can, I am a healthy weight, I have a chronic illness but it is managed, I have a supply of folic acid ready.
Thanks in advance for any advice.