I'm adopted, so is my sister. We are not related to each other. Name changed for this thread.
My parents were always open about the fact that I was adopted. They said that they had paperwork if I ever wanted to know more.
A few years back, shortly before my father became ill, and prompted by a TV programme, I decided I did want to know more, and asked my parents if they had any information about my birth mother. They did have some court papers relating to my adoption and so my search started.
My search was successful and I found my birth mother. It turned out that I had found her at exactly the right time, she had recently been widowed, and was overjoyed that I had made contact. We met up, took some pictures, and I posted them on facebook. All my friends were happy for me, and my facebook still tells me that it is my most popular post ever.
My birth mother wrote a letter to my adoptive parents thanking them for being such kind people, for bringing me up so well and for helping her in her time of trouble. I would meet up with my birth mother every other month or so, but we would talk on the phone most days.
When my father passed away, my birth mother asked if she could attend the funeral and celebrate my father’s life and of course I said yes. I introduced my birth mother to my father's cousins and my birth mother was welcomed into the family.
A few months on, my mother is now in a care home with dementia. My birth mother asked for her address so that she could send a card. I gave her the address, the card was received and was greatly appreciated by my mother according to the care home.
However, within a few days I received an email from my sister saying how completely inappropriate it was that my birth mother should send a card to my mother and that I should be ashamed of myself.
I did not understand what she was saying and I asked her to clarify and my sister replied as follows: "to allow our mother to have post from the very person who gave birth to you and nothing else while our mother did everything else for you is frankly disgusting".
My sister then went on to say: "It is truly a low blow to ridicule a 94 year old lady by allowing this to happen. I imagine our parents had years of stress and possibly humiliation about their inability to have their own children especially in that era. I find your actions deplorable and humiliating to the woman you claim you love.”
I have never even considered that there would have been negative consequences about finding my birth mother. Now my sister is making out that I have done something wrong by doing so.
I'm a bit stunned by her reaction and would welcome comments.
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AIBU?
WIBU to let her send a card?
25 replies
ChelseaCloisters · 25/06/2020 21:37
OP posts:
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