My 5 year old is shouty and aggressive

[SeeSawBreeze]

AIBU to say it has to be my fault?

So children learn what they see

I've really tried to make my dd feel confident and boost her self esteem. We do time out when she breaks our family rules but really this is multiple times a day.

She is far too assertive with other children. Always in charge, setting the play, deciding who should do what when playing imaginary games.

She won't listen to others' perspective. She can be unkind to her friends.

I try to talk to her about other's feelings. Thinking about how other people feel, compromising but she doesn't listen. If I put her in the room she won't stay.

In good days there are lots of hugs and cuddles, stories, mum and dad playing with her, making time for her. I'm far from perfect.

Her elder sibling had ADHD/ADD and a genetically delay condition. We haven't had concerns for my daughter with regard to additional needs. She present as very bright and met all milestones before average.

I'm so worried.
How do I turn this around?

I'm in a very similar position but shes slowly getting better. Her temper is horrific

What are her triggers? DD has just gone back to school and there are only 6 other children in her class from 40. She has been so well behaved in a small group i suspect she feels overwhelmed in large groups and lashes out. She also gets angry if she doesnt feel listened to.

My DD dominates any game, I wouldnt want to play with her as a child 🙈

We have got an anger thermometer and we speak often about what to do if she is feeling angry

Somtimes they just need a cuddle though. Earlier on DD started shouting at her brother because he wouldn't let go of a toy, she really shouted at me then shouted at me and tried to run off, I made her come back, gave her a cuddle, told her to take 5 minutes on the couch to calm down

My DD witnessed DV for the first few years of her life, she doesnt actively remember but I suspect her subconsious memory does.

I have noticed with my DD she is so much better in a calm environment. She is bright and articulate, she can describe all the emotions and tell you how she is feeling but if she gets too angry she jusy loses control

Im thinking about asking CAMHs? For help because i do wonder if she has anxiety too. It's so sad to see, I just want her to be happy

She’s only little so try not to worry too much. She’s obviously got a bold and assertive personality and that’s a good thing and something to be proud of. Other children can largely handle themselves and they will knock her edges off, particularly once she is back at school. You are doing the right thing by emphasising that other people have feelings and I think you should keep this up as well as consequences for unkind or overly unruly behaviour. I really don’t think you need to worry about turning anything around - just keep steering her firmly as you are doing now.