To still feel blue a year after returning to live in the UK?

[Lizzie523]

I am 28 years old and returned to Scotland this time last year, after living in Spain for over 3 years on and off. I say on and off because:

• I moved to Spain for a summer when i was 20 to work. This was half way through my degree but I fell in love with the city.

• I did a CELTA/TESOL course after graduation & moved to Spain. Had one of the best years of my life & had some fairly wild times. At the end of that year I moved back to Scotland & became self employed for 2 years. Even had a relationship in that time but ultimately felt unhappy in Scotland.

• I moved back to Spain for another 2 years, this time less wild and more settled. Found a brilliant hiking community and got fit doing that and made some lifelong friends I think. I continued teaching but eventually I was being ripped off & I spent all my time living hand to mouth and worrying about money. It was awful. I also got get fed up with the expats bubble & breaking into spanish communities was hard.

Since moving back to Scotland I have got a well paid job and I never worry about money. I have my own place and dont have to share with flatmates. I joined a performance group & even started getting paid for doing shows just before lockdown.

But I miss Spain so much and yet I know I can never enjoy life there and receive a good salary.

In a way I feel I've ruined myself by living abroad because i longer feel at home in Scotland. I told my mum this recently and she sounded heartbroken to hear it.

Sometimes I close my eyes and do a pretend walk around my old city I miss it so badly! Anyone been through this? I just feel restless all the time.

I am the same age as you and also in Scotland - I have been back here for a year and a half after 5 years of living in another European country and i still can't get used to it. I love Scotland so much, it's super beautiful and full of friendly people but it just doesn't have the same feel as where I was before, I can't really explain it.

My life here is definitely more stable in terms of finances etc. and having a strong support network, but i was definitely happier there. Sorry I can't offer much advice but I totally get where you're coming from! I sometimes think i would be bettter going back - would it work for you to try moving again?

Hi, oh it is great to hear from someone who has experienced similar feelings!

I am really unsure what to do. What kind of future can I have in Spain? Wages were already quite bad and it is not going to improve after COVID.

I feel flat. Not depressed as such and I know being in lockdown will contribute to this - but just like there is no real excitement in my life anymore. I used to just LOVE walking around my Spanish city but the streets here are mostly grey and boring (to me). There seemed to be possibilities around every corner.

I got tired of moving around all the time. And I'm 28 - I would like to meet someone and have a family but I know it isnt guaranteed. If I continue upheaval I dont know what chance I will have of finding that.

But yes that's it really. I am not truly happy here although I am financially stable. I feel very conflicted and dont age anyone I can really talk to.

The fact remote working has become more acceptable does make me wonder if I could find something that would allow me to spend more time in Spain but I dont know really?

I do think remote working in Spain would be a possibility, that’s something you can focus one

Could you apply for permanent, better paid positions in Spain while you’re living in Scotland and see what comes up for you? I have a languages degree and have lots of friends who have moved permanently to Europe with excellent jobs. Perhaps something in a university? With your esol experience you could look for something doing teaching, or admin in organising placements or exchanges. Or what about jobs in consulates? If you were heading back to Spain with a secure and better paid job under your belt it might be a bit easier.

Can you buy a house in Scotland and rent it out and then move back to Spain? Then you’d have some security and possibly a small income (after mortgage payments each month). That would free you up to do some less well paid work in Spain whilst still having a good lifestyle and an investment for the future.

Is it feasible to save up a nice pot of money in Scotland for the next year or 2 and then look at jobs again? That way, if you don't manage to find a well paid job in Spain immediately, you have a bit of a buffer, but obviously you would ultimately need enough to get by. It's a difficult one, I've lived in a couple of other countries, and I get what you mean about just missing it. I also know people however that love to new Zealand from the UK and weren't happy, moved back, weren't happy and have now moved back to NZ again... For them, it's definitely a case of the grass is greener and I don't think they'll be happy in either!

I'm 25 years older than you, and lived in Spain on & off for 10 years. I miss it as well. Fortunately, I didn't have to work during that time, so my situation was different to yours. I left 4 years ago, didn't return to my own country, but to another country not too far away from it and it took a couple of years to feel settled here. I'm planning on going back to my own country next year, but am feeling somewhat anxious about doing so. I just wanted to say that I really feel for you, as Spain is a beautiful country. I hope you manage to work things out.

A lot of people who move from country to country have cycles of dissatisfaction. It’s pretty normal and is very frustrating to experience.

If you came home because you missed Scotland it would be very different, and I’m sure you’d settle.

As you moved for financial reasons, can you use that? Live frugally here to save money for extended periods there? Do higher paid contract work so you can take a couple of months between contracts to live in Spain?

If you're going to move and then look for work, bear in mind that this is likely to get significantly more difficult after December...

I think what you're feeling is really normal - have you looked into reverse culture shock? It sounds like that might be part of the problem. While you're working out what you want to do, you could also look and see if there are things that could link you with Spain - cultural events, maybe, or language classes if that's your thing. The Cervantes Institute usually does cultural events in bigger cities, not sure where you live, but it might be worth looking into?

How about getting some more qualifications to boost your career? I did a similar thing after graduating (but Italy rather than Spain) and got a job teaching at university which was more secure and better paid. I studied for an MA in Applied Linguistics as a distance learning student which helped.

Living abroad gives a whole new spin on the phrase, 'Home is where the heart is.'

Reverse home sickness/culture shock is HARD and no one really gets it unless they have been through it themselves. Everyone and everything seems to have moved on in your absence, but you feel left out and like you don't fit in anywhere although you've changed and grown too, and despite whatever you do to settle back home. Don't underestimate the impact it has and how emotionally draining it can be. Think of the things you love about both places, don't dwell on the negatives of either if you can avoid it.

You will have learnt so much through living and experiencing another culture, you'll have all that latent learning power hungry for more and waiting for you to feed it. Give yourself a project to do or focus on, learn a new skill or retrain if you can. Have you considered doing a PGCE and working in international schools?

It will reduce and get easier, but the itchy feet never really leave you. I've been back in the UK for almost 5 years now and some days are still better than others.

I understand completely what you are going through. I also did a languages degree and spent a few months in Spain. I did the CELTA and spent the next few years teaching TEFL abroad but in different countries (I wanted to travel far and wide rather than being in love with a specific place).

Eventually, I did the PGCE as TEFL wages were just too low. The only way I can see a way to survive doing TEFL in Spain is working your way up by doing a DELTA and becoming a manager and then supplementing your wage with online teaching/translating and doing summer camps.

You could alternatively do a PGCE/MA. PGCEs are better for working in international schools and MAs are better for universities so that would depend on what your preferred age group and teaching style is.

I think if living in Spain is something you really want to do, you should consider those options. There are usually international school jobs advertised on TES Jobs and I almost accepted a job at an international school in Madrid via an agency (Compass).

Good luck whatever you decide!

Get a PGCE and some work experience. Then go back and work for a proper salary in an English language school . Good luck!

@Perro I am actually in the financial position where I could buy a place. I have begun to think about whether I could do what you describe, renting it out in Scotland while I live abroad for a time.

I thought about doing the PGDE but have had doubts about teaching as a long term prospect. I shadowed my old teacher and they told me 'dont do it, teaching isn't what it was' and it did put me off. My issue with teaching in an international school is they are all private. I would prefer to work in public schools but it will be basically impossible. But I am occasionally still attracted to teaching in Spain as it is meant to be less stressful.

I am intrigued about the MA idea - @totallyyesnoot I'd be keen to talk more about this if you dont mind!

Although I am only 28 I feel I have lived multiple lives already. I also lived in Italy for a short time which was a great adventure. I have made so many friends and said goodbye to say many of them (not forever, but we are all spread out)

I am willing to see how I feel for a bit longer but lockdown messed everything up. I was meant to go on a date as well, but that has fizzled out now.

@WendyHoused the question is what kind of work would allow me to do that?

IT and project management has a lot of contractors. Some I know live like that - work 6 months, travel 2, work 6 months, travel 2.

It seems that there are various ways to get around the issue or low pay in Spain (retrain in a well paid remote working job or another job, or contract 6 months on 6 months off in UK, supply teaching would allow that)

But what can you do to solve this other reason that you left Spain:

“It was awful. I also got get fed up with the expats bubble & breaking into spanish communities was hard.”

Good advice OP to either get better qualified (so you can command a higher salary), and/or get a UK company to employ you in the type of job that can be done anywhere and move to Spain while working from home. Either way, you need to give some serious thought to putting down roots in Spain before Brexit happens, if that's what you want. That massively complicates things, because the door is literally closing on 31st December, so there isn't much time to waste and mull over your options.

www.theguardian.com/politics/2020/jan/29/the-britons-getting-out-before-brexit-drawbridge-goes-up

Thanks @Gutterton, I didnt think of supply teaching, I'll look into that! It would be really useful to speak to people who actually do these jobs that take them away for periods, just not sure where I'd find them.

I definitely wont be shooting off to Spain before Brexit. I'm just considering my options now . In any case I will become an Irish citizen this year, so Brexit surely wont be a factor for me?

Of course I can retrain and all that but if I meet someone romantically in that time things may change.

Gutterton - the work part was awful. Actually the kids, even the troublesome ones, were always the best part. I turned around some pretty tough kids & generally enjoyed teaching. It was the endless burlerecracy and admin and sheer control freak behaviour from management that got to me.

As for the expat bubble, yes that would still be an issue. Although possibly not so much if in not living in Spain full time but in bursts instead.

If you're going to be an Irish citizen, then no, you're fine!

As for the expat bubble - I think it just takes time to make local friends and in my case it was laziness on my part - it was easier to make friends with other foreigners and English-speakers - even though I spoke the language.

Speaking of time - you should really give Scotland a chance. It's hard to settle back in after years away. I've lived overseas in three different countries and the longer you're away, the harder it is to settle back in. A year is nothing, particularly one as shit as 2020!

I think settling in hasnt been helped by the fact the pandemic hit 6 months in - I was just getting into new hobbies and realistically they wont start back up until autumn time.

I will look into the PGDE/MA route and project management work that would allow travel. Not sure where to start with the latter time be honest, so I would appreciate any advice on that front!

Life in Spain is really tough for those who need to earn a living, but property is really cheap in some parts. Maybe you could have a bolthole?

I am intrigued about the MA idea - @totallyyesnoot I'd be keen to talk more about this if you dont mind! It was a while ago now so my information is probably not very up to date but happy to answer any questions!