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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect a little help??

32 replies

rainbowbowrain · 25/06/2020 07:08

Name changed as this is outing to anyone that knows me.

I had an accident yesterday, tripped on a kerb and bruised both knees and wrists plus cut hands. I was in a lot of pain yesterday but today everything aches.

So I asked DH last night if he could take a sick day today and help me with kids (we have 4), he said no get your parents to help. But he is now popping home to take youngest ones to school but I have to organise picking them up. We live a mile from school and there's no way I can manage it there and back.

I'm already struggling today, walking to our bathroom is so painful. I'm dreading getting the kids up and ready for school (DH has already left for work)

Should I just "woman up" and deal with it or aibu to expect some help??

Btw last night despite having my hand bandaged I cooked dinner and cleaned up, sorted the kids bedtimes out all while he watched tv. Thankfully my teenager helped.

So I'm also asking is do your dh's help you when you incapacitated??

OP posts:
rainbowbowrain · 25/06/2020 09:25

I know I'm unreasonable to ask him to take a sick day, I couldn't think of the word earlier but he would have to take a "domestic" day.

He starts work at 6 so I had to get kids ready, the cuts on my hand started to bleed badly while doing daughters hair so have had to redress my hand. He came home and dropped the kids at school and us gone back to work. He can't get out to pick them up though so I'm going to try and get them. Probably by taxi.

My teenager is 13, he's being amazing, I got a big hug this morning which is unusual for him. But he can't do school run, he's just not mature enough for that.

I've taken ibuprofen and codeine, I'm still in pain so might pop into the pharmacy later for advice.

Thanks for the unreasonable replies, I needed to hear it!! Both my knees are bruised, both hands/wrists and elbows. I fell with some force!! Smile

OP posts:
BurtsBeesKnees · 25/06/2020 09:42

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all op. I think he should take a family day. He's entitled to 5 per year (if you're uk based).

Ask yourself this, if you worked and felt like this would YOU take a sick day? If the answer is yes, then your dh should be there to help. Or at the very least he should have taken a few hours off this morning and this afternoon to help with schools etc. I'm sure if he was off sick from work he'd be expecting you to care for him.

OnceUponAThread · 25/06/2020 09:45

I think there are a few separate issues here that are getting conflated.

Would you be unreasonable asking him to take a sick day - yes, because he's not sick but you've acknowledged that and said you used the wrong word.

Would you be unreasonable asking him to take unpaid leave, dependent's leave, emergency leave, holiday day etc. - it depends on the extent of your injuries and the nature of his work.

My OH broke his arm and was stuck with the car, so I had to rearrange all my meetings to go get him and drive the car back.

Fortunately on that day I was able to do so. That said, there have been other days where I just wouldn't have been able to.

I've had meetings that can't be moved, big client facing days, business travel trips and even the odd employer who would get shirty (rare).

On one of those days it would have been a right royal pain, but we'd have called in on friends / family to help.

So... maybe YABU, maybe he is dodging responsibilities.

To me it sounds like your injuries are very painful, but there are ways you can get around them e.g. taxi for school run etc, so he may be better off saving up employer goodwill for genuine emergencies.

But on other days where it's lots of conf calls etc, I might easily be able to WFH and help out. And I would do this even if injuries are minor to be nice.

So as I said. Depends 1) on how badly incapacitated you are and 2) the nature of his work and how busy his work day is.

Finally - was he unreasonable to sit on his arse watching telly while you struggled to cook, clean and sort the kids. Yes. He was absolutely outrageous and I would have been fuming.

Firstly he should have bloody offered. Then, when he didn't you should have insisted (annoying to have to manage him but nonetheless).

rainbowbowrain · 25/06/2020 09:47

@BurtsBeesKnees

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all op. I think he should take a family day. He's entitled to 5 per year (if you're uk based).

Ask yourself this, if you worked and felt like this would YOU take a sick day? If the answer is yes, then your dh should be there to help. Or at the very least he should have taken a few hours off this morning and this afternoon to help with schools etc. I'm sure if he was off sick from work he'd be expecting you to care for him.

If I wasn't furloughed I would've called in sick today definitely.
OP posts:
Nottherealslimshady · 25/06/2020 09:49

Think you're just feeling a bit sorry for yourself. I wouldn't even take a sick day if I'd fallen over. God can you imagine him ringing work up "hi boss I'm gonna have to call in sick today because my wife fell over yesterday and bruised her knees"

rainbowbowrain · 25/06/2020 09:53

@Nottherealslimshady

Think you're just feeling a bit sorry for yourself. I wouldn't even take a sick day if I'd fallen over. God can you imagine him ringing work up "hi boss I'm gonna have to call in sick today because my wife fell over yesterday and bruised her knees"
Well when you it it that way … 🤣🤣
OP posts:
EKGEMS · 25/06/2020 15:18

Notheslimshady "My wife took a hard tumble yesterday on concrete and she's in significant pain managing all the kids,etcetera. I will need to stay home and be sure she can do the activities of daily living safely-she was bleeding just doing our daughter's hair." God forbid you need some compassion if you were ill or injured in your life

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