Partner and finances

[user023858582]

Partner lost his job at the start of lockdown and had to claim universal credits, this just covers car insurance and his phone bill.

Luckily my wage I covering h for the time being.

He has a credit card he paid off just before this happened, and has not touched it since as there's no need to get into debt when my wage is covering the bills.

My AIBU is, he's just asked me to transfer him some money and I can spend said amount off his credit card to cover it.

I have said no repeatedly as why would I basically give him my money for him to get into debt until god knows when things settle back down and he can eventually find a job (is actively applying and has always worked so no problems there)

Apparently I'm unreasonable and he has had a right to at me and went off in a huff... this money was apparently to 'cover overdraft fees' ... what do you think?

He is terrible with money hence all my questioning about what it was for

In your partner's position I'd be leaving you as soon as I have found a job, newborn or no newborn. You don't even need to be a team to be a human being and sub him some cash until he starts working again.

Sorry, missed your update, OP.

But what do you expect him to live off?

YANBU It sounds like he has enough to cover the unavoidable commitments that regularly go out of his bank account, and anything else he needs / wants you are prepared to pay for, either directly or by him using your CC.

I've lived with (and had a baby with) a partner who constantly promised to be more responsible with money. He never did unfortunately. He just hid it and lied. It was a big part of why our relationship didn't work out. I hope your partner is able to take responsibility for his decisions. I think if he wants you to pay off his overdraft fees then you should be looking together at why the fee has arisen, e.g. he's spent money he hasn't got and buried his head in the sand, and expects you to bail him out.

Just imagining if this was the other way round. You'd be told to LTB.

UC is based on household income which means that you are both expected to be supported on your wages plus UC. So either you need to share or you need to become separate households and he can claim as a single person. You can separate and remain in the same property as long as you sleep separately, tell your family and friend you’ve separated and not do things together as a couple, he will be later interviewed on this.

I think you need to ask yourself if you want to be in a financial unit with a guy you say is terrible with money and you don’t seem to trust to spend responsibly. And if you don’t, but do want to be in a romantic relationship, how you go about setting those boundaries in place both between yourselves and legally

I think the credit card thing is to do with different interest rates for different things eg. new purchase vs. transfer

I tend to agree that as a household you need to have each other’s backs.
If he was a lazy turd it’s different but you’ve said he is actively looking work so it’s hard to be cross and he wasn’t expecting to get laid off. It makes sense to pay his overdraft fees to save a worse situation which inevitably will come back at some point.
Could he contact his bank and ask for any of the fees to be reduced or waived? Most banks will allow it as a one off and they are trying to offer covid support. Has he got payment holiday on the credit card?

If you have spare cash though it should be shared as he shouldn’t be sitting with nothing. It sounds as though things are tight so are there any bills you can cut eg substitute sky for Netflix?

I know you said you have a newborn but have you given any consideration to going back from maternity leave earlier to get the household income up if he can’t find something soon? He could care for the child.

Also, couldn't have transferred it back if he had overdraft fees. Is that correct

No he will have received a prenotification of charges advising him of a future date when the fees will be added to his account as banks are required by the regulator to give plenty of notice of the date when the charge will be applied..usually a month.
So in meantime any money in his account is available to spend which is why he was able to transfer it back to you.

He’s not lying on that part

Any spare money you have after all the bills have been paid should be shared between you. If there's money left, you give him half. If there's nothing left over then you both get nothing. But you definitely don't use the credit card. That will just run up debt.

The question I'd be contemplating is

Why is he in arrears on his account? By how much? Can you cover it so he won't get more fees but agree he doesn't touch his account?

Is there any spare after you've paid for the bills and stuff for the baby? What would he spend spare cash on (given we're in lockdown)? To me there's a diff between needing new clothes as his are worn and money for the Xbox etc