Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD doesn't want to spend any time with me!

37 replies

Funkyslippers · 24/06/2020 17:03

DD2(11) has for a while wanted complete independence (funnily enough that doesn't include tidying her room, but that's another story). I love spending time wither her, after all, that's part of the reason I have kids. She would be happy to come home from school, go straight to her room and stay there. Any request for time together, is met with a grunt and a 'leave me alone!" I realise this is all part of growing up but I think it's really sad for a parent to rarely see their child! AIBU and how can I handle it? There is really nothing she seems to enjoy that we can do together apart from baking and watching TV

OP posts:
romdowa · 25/06/2020 18:58

I was the same at that age. Was slightly too old to go out and play , so I'd go to my room to read or listen to music, the thought of spending time with my mother was embarrassing. I'm in my 30s now and I'm incredibly close to my mother. It's just a phase

MatildaTheCat · 25/06/2020 18:58

It passes. It’s just one of the joys of adolescence.

But it hurts at the time. Try not to take it personally and also to carve out small amounts of time together to chat/ have an ice cream/ do something and try not to be deep and understand, just keep it light.

pjmask · 25/06/2020 19:05

Op I believe this is strongly connected to too much screen time.

Based on what? Your dislike of screen time?

No, based on what the op described and my own experiences. If it's not connected to screen time then op should be able to remove screen, and her dd will instead play, read and continue in the same solitary theme.

If op takes the screen and dd starts to socialise more with family then you have your answer. Try it OP.

If OP takes the screen and DD kicks off massively then you also have your answer.

catgotyourtongue · 25/06/2020 19:18

I have an 11 year old sister.. She spends a lot of time on Fortnite.

But she loves cooking. Is that something you could do together? Buy an easy recipe book and you could make dinner together.

AnnaBanana333 · 25/06/2020 19:46

pjmask So, yes, based on your dislike of screens. This is nothing to do with technology but everything to do with a developmental stage. Removing her games just punishes this girl for growing up.

chocatoo · 25/06/2020 20:26

Bribery. Take her shopping, have a lovely lunch etc. (I realise it’s difficult now tho!).
If we ever return to normality, work hard to find things that you’d both enjoy, eg I paid for DD and me to go on a chocolate making course.
We always eat together as a family.

melj1213 · 25/06/2020 20:33

Your DD sounds like I did - I am an extroverted introvert, I love being with people at work and thrive dealing with people at work, but I recharge my energy by being alone and doing my own thing when I get home.

Even with DD, when I come home from work she is usually doing her homework so I take half an hour to change out of my work stuff, shower and just have some alone time before I go and make dinner etc

pjmask · 25/06/2020 20:53

pjmask So, yes, based on your dislike of screens. This is nothing to do with technology but everything to do with a developmental stage. Removing her games just punishes this girl for growing up

And you are basing this on nothing more than your own support of unlimited screen time for 11 year olds, clearly.

BarbedBloom · 25/06/2020 21:31

I was the same in the 90s, I just read or drew instead of screens. I just wanted to be on my own, especially after school. I am still the same now.

Voice0fReason · 25/06/2020 22:45

If you want your kid to want to spend time with you then you have to do things that they want to do.
Baking and watching tv sounds perfect.
It might not be as often as you would like but it is normal at that age.

Deedoubleyou · 25/06/2020 23:12

Going through similar, my daughter loves doing drawing and makeup tutorials on YouTube, so I've started doing them with her. We chat while we're doing it and have a laugh cos I'm so bad at it Confused

Found that doing things in her comfort zone led to a lot more willingness to engage.

Beni1993 · 27/06/2020 12:52

Honestly, I think that the more you try to push and force her to spend time with you the more she will pull away.

She is at that age, we all went through it, when your parents are cringy and annoying, she's growing up. She will come back to you eventually, but you have to give her the space and freedom to learn who she is as a independent person with her own thoughts and feelings. Put her needs before your own.

Trying to trick her into spending time with you will just lead to resentment.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page