Because it's really fucking me off.
PILs are nice, I like them, but we are very different people. They are very close to SIL and her children who visit for hours every day. I would say they are unusually close, but that's up to them, however it's not how I am myself.
Their favourite topic of conversation is the family, who is doing what, whether they should be doing it, what they should be doing instead. They can be a bit bitchy but there's no real malice in it, none of them have any hobbies or interests so they're just very very into each other and each other's lives, to the point where every event is hashed over and discussed, no matter how minor. For instance, if one of SIL's kids is at at a friend's house when we visit, this fact is relayed to us and discussed ad infinitum. Sil has rushed to the house to tell PILs that we've been on perfectly ordinary days out (posted a photo on Facebook) as if it's really big news, that sort of thing.
DH,in turn, seems to feel the need to relate every aspect of our own business as if it's news. I've weaned him off the worst of it- informing them of my medical appointments for example - but he will still relay every fact, even ones I honestly would have thought he'd know better - comments I've made about my best friend's boyfriend who is a dick to be sure, but who happens to work with BIL, that sort of thing.
They really took against my other SIL (not DH's sister) when she had her children, basically because she did things differently to them. We now have a baby and I know they will be having similar conversations and discussions about us. I had a chat with DH about how now that we are adults with a family of our own, we don't need to inform our parents about every little thing we do. Now I've just found out that he's told them something I actually made a point of asking him not to- a small decision I was talking with him about regarding our baby, along the lines of when I should stop breastfeeding. SIL is now asking how the weaning is going.
Aibu or is this not a big deal? I try to talk to him about it and he gets offended and thinks I'm criticising his parents, but I'm not, I just don't feel the need to relay all information to them. It feels at times as though DH has been trained to do this -at its height I've seen him visit, sit down, and immediately start into a blow by blow account of everything we've been doing since we last saw them. He doesn't even question it or cherry pick information, and I've seen his siblings do exactly the same thing.
Everything just seems to be held in common in the family, they also walk in and out of houses and take things without asking and I suspect they think me up myself because I don't do things this way. I would count myself close to my own family, but we're all quite private and individual people and I think naturally a bit more careful of where we tread.
DH is cross at me now because I had a go at him about once again sharing information that should have been between us with them. I actually have to specifically ask him not to repeat certain things because he just has no filter for what it shareable and what should obviously not be, yet he still slips up.
AIBU?
Aibu to ask my husband to stop relaying everything to pils
Idaofmay · 24/06/2020 16:57
Am I being unreasonable?
749 votes. Final results.
POLL@BananaChocolateLump
WTF! Why?
My husband's family are very similar. Whenever we speak to them we get a complete run down on the minutiae of everyone's lives, even people we've never met. (E.g. MIL once told me a long story about the sort of curtains that SIL's friend was thinking of getting!) It's extremely draining.
My husband is quite a private person though, so it's never been a massive issue him telling them stuff about us. Apart from one occasion where he'd told his mum something very private about MY mum. His did not make that mistake twice!
They definitely do the thing you described where everything gets turned into a family discussion. We once booked a holiday to somewhere that SIL and BIL had already been and that turned into a massive discussion about what we should do while we were there, what the best excursions were, what the menu in X restaurant is like, what currency we should take etc. Even advice on how to get served at the bar. At my age I'm quite experienced in getting served at the bar! I know they mean well but when every little thing you mention needs to be dissected by the whole family it just feels very intrusive.
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