To be so affected by other people’s moods?

[ChilliCheese123]

Does anyone else feel like this? DP is a bit down at the moment. He is applying for jobs frantically and is so stressed about it he keeps making mistakes. Trying to tell him to give it a break and come and relax in the garden with me in this glorious weather but he came out for five minutes and frantically tapped away on his phone before going in again. He’s barely spoke for two days.

I now that’s his issue but I feel like it’s a gorgeous day, I’m off work and have music on in the garden but I can’t enjoy it because his mood really affects me. I feel a bit on edge and like I’ve got a lump in my chest. Attempts to cheer him up usually end in him just ‘hmming’. I just want to lay in the sun with a cider and not have DP muttering about having to get things done etc. Does anyone have any tips to how to separate your own mood out in situations like this ?!

Yes, other peoples moods affect me so much I find it hard to be around people too much. My dp is a constant source of stress, always ranting and raving or moaning about something or other, I love getting out of the house for a few hours and not having to listen to the negativity, he's like a black cloud.

Yes my teen ds is exhausting combined with DH who shouts when things don't work properly

I find this with my DC at times. If one of them is having a downer about something we all have to go through it. I am also sitting in the garden with a cider today. All seems calm indoors so far...

I'm like this at the moment.
I'm currently hiding in my bedroom.

I’m glad it’s not just me. to everyone (or cider!) been out for an hour with dp and he’s a bit brighter now. I’ve decided being Pollyanna just drains me and obviously does nothing for him so I’m going to go for silent/stoic also.

@Picklypickles my dp always says he’s annoyed at HIMSELF, or the situation, not me, but the outbursts still affect me, I just don’t think he can see that. Does you do take everything to heart/see things as personal failing?

It's definitely not just you OP. My exH's moods could instantly ruin my day and they were so unpredictable I ended up being constantly on edge. I tried to talk to him about it, his response was "not everything is about you." I gave up in the end.

Yep, my oh is very rarely annoyed with me, but is frequently angry about everything else - the government, his family, my family, other road users of any kind, neighbours daring to spend time in their own gardens, the sunshine, being asked to help with anything - its exhausting. We just got a new printer, I asked if he could set it up as I'm not good with technology, I had to go outside whilst he did it because it was stressing me out listening to him ranting about how rubbish the instructions were and so on and so forth. I sometimes do take what he says to heart, mostly because I don't see how on earth he can find so much to moan about considering he doesn't work, barely helps around the house and mostly just takes care of number one while I take on all the responsibilties because he has Autism and ADHD and uses this as his "Get out of Jail Free" card for everything.

It's annoying, the atmosphere is just horrible , I tend to put the hoover on or do something around the house to distract myself from the miserable git.

You are a stress sponge as my mum would say. Me too. Best way is highway. Get out - walk, run, shop, avoid. Just coz he is a mardy arse doesn't mean you should suffer. This is why our WFH plan to both work in the dining room lasted one day.

I think it's pretty normal to be affected by the moods of a loved one. I couldn't feel happy if I knew a LO was unhappy

Not just you OP, I hear you. Enjoy your cider and talk to him when he’s a bit less distracted.

I am pretty good at not letting my husband's mood change mine.

I had to become good at it. My husband suffers with a mental illness and also has suspected ASD. His mood changes often and his depressive moods can last a very long time. His mood can also change at a drop of a hat.

It took a lot of practice and many years to work on the skill. Most importantly, he had to work on himself too.

I will also be brutally honest with him when his moods are impacting others and he will go do something to keep out of the way for a bit, like go on a walk; something that improves his wellbeing.

I get on and enjoy what I want to do. I don't feel guilty if I am happy and enjoying things. I do not take it personally or feel like it is my place to try and fix it. He is aware of the impact his moods can have and tries to lessen that impact.

It can be more difficult when he is having a depressive episode that is lasting a long time, but I make sure to look after my own wellbeing first and do things that make me happy.

It's not to say that I never have times where I don't find it bloody difficult, but for the most part I am pretty good at it.