dh wants to go to restaurant w friends

[birdy124]

I live in NYC and outdoor dining just reopened this week.

My dh wants us to meet friends (another couple) for brunch this weekend as a farewell since we will be moving out of nyc July 1.

I really don't feel comfortable eating out yet. I can barely handle the grocery store. dh is insisting it's safe and guilting me since were are moving and won't see them for a while. But we're only moving a few hours away, and it's not like we will be seeing much of anyone until this mess is over!

We would have to walk an hour in the heat, take the subway, or Uber to meet them. I don't want to do any of this!

NYC is one of the worst hit places in the world! I don't really want to rush going out! I suggested meeting for a walk in the park or something but there wasn't much enthusiasm...am I being overly paranoid?

Why do you feel a walk in the park is so much safer than outdoor dining? It's a personal choice of course, but if it was me I'd probably go. Would he be happy to go without you?

I wouldn't go either

It doesn't matter if anyone says you are paranoid.
You clearly don't want to go.
So don't go, realizing you might have to deal with some sulking, etc.

I wouldn’t go, just sounds far too risky. Subway or Uber + eating out, no way atm!

No way would I do this anywhere, let alone NY. I'm glad to see you have made it through this far safely. I would not be happy with living with someone who had taken that risk either.

Your feelings are valid. I wouldn't do it.

@rottiemum88 I think in a park we could keep our masks on and would be able to distance a bit if needed, and idk maybe more of a breeze? seems less risky for some reason.

Tbh I would be happier to just FaceTime them, not sure why we need to meet up at all! lol

Glad to hear nobody thinks I'm just another mask wearing sheep as some relatives in Florida would suggest

You are both adults and not joined at the hip. If he wants to go then "let" him but you don't have to be forced into doing this if you are uncomfortable with this or the logistics around it (and you have my sympathies here) or simply don't want to.

As you say, you are only moving a few hours away, not to the other side of the world. 🌹

You shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with but at some point life has to go on and providing no one has any health conditions I personally would go to brunch. I live in another US city that’s recently reopened and we’ve been out with friends to eat quite a lot in the past couple of weeks. It feels so good to get out and do normal things again and I know it sounds nuts but somehow I feel less stressed about everything as a result. Then again my kid is back at daycare and I had to get an Uber to pick up a rental car after mine was damaged in an accident (thankfully whilst parked) so I don’t really see any additional risk from sitting opposite a friend at restaurant patio - obviously no hugs or sharing platters though! And restaurants seem to be taking hygiene really seriously- servers all in masks, proper cleaning of the tables, no menus, masks for diners when you check in and go to the restroom, temperature checks before you’re seated which is really reassuring.

Anyone who goes out now in the US, no mask on while eating, plates, utensils touched by bare hands (formite transmission is still a fact of life), is really asking for infection. It's not gone away. It's no safer, infections are soaring

I live in a tourist destination and am beyond upset at the influx of tourists. We don't have fully stocked grocery stores and they are putting our resources under further stress.

No way would i go at the moment. Im in UK. People are covidiots here. No masks hardly anywhere and reluctance to sociallybdistance.

Out of all of the cities in the us, I would have thought NYC to be the safest as the pandemic has already ripped through it. Personally I would go. I do, however, understand why you are hesitant.

I've been invited to a farewell event myself (I'm not the one moving) and whilst I want to say goodbye, I don't feel comfortable meeting for a meal outside either. It's the travel there, it's the number of people, it's the fact that I don't like eating/drinking without know I'll have access to a usable clean toilet... Many things.

I don't think anyone should force you into doing anything you're not comfortable doing, especially as this isn't essential.

If you live together and you're moving together, I would watch and note his reaction very carefully. He's allowed to have a different opinion to you, but the way in which you resolve this (or don't) is important.

Personally, the outcome I would be hoping for is to avoid meeting up now, but to commit to organising something in the future when it feels safer (date TBC). Plus a group video call this weekend.

Can I go instead please?

Honestly though, it is completely up to you. Everyone has to accept at the moment that different people have different tolerances of the level of inherent risk that we are exposed to. Just tell your DH he can go without you this time.

@theendoftheworldasweknowit the toilet part is huge to me too! esp that the virus can be aerosolized by flushing...although how many ppl are taking dumps at restaurant bathrooms... lol!

I think overall it's probably not a huge risk but seeing as it will be 31+ degrees outside I really don't see how any of this would be enjoyable!

It is an interesting point on whether nyc would be safer since it's already hard hit. I would think their would be more asymptomatic people around? We still have about 100 new cases daily. Also there is no contact tracing really happening (as reported by New York Times) so not sure why we are opening things without a fast way to identify new outbreaks!

Sweating bullets outside, anxious about the state of toilet, getting heat stroke by walking or anxiety attack from subway, or $$ on a taxi...I think I'm out!

Thanks for all your replies!

Don't go. It sounds far too stressful.
Could you have a virtual double date?
Set up a Zoom meeting and eat your dinner communicating via laptop. Maybe arrange to cook the same meal and see how each turns out. Or do a tapas night and compare dishes you've cooked.
Then have a little fun quiz afterwards.

I wouldn't want to go out either OP.
There are no deaths in or near my village and I've only been shopping.
Not been anywhere else. Not had a take-way, nothing.
I want to see my dad so I'm not risking it.