In law's won't social distance with my kids

[PepsiMaxCherry]

I am a SAHM but DH works full time in emergency services so comes into physical contact with people. I have 2 DS, 3 and 5 with my DH. We have been social distancing and following guildlines as much as possible.

With the recent change, i decided to take our boys to my parents house and we stayed in the garden. My parents said hello and didn't hug my boys despite getting emotional seeing them, they kept their distance. We told the boys they can do a "elbow-hello" if they wanted to, which they did.

The following week we went to my in-laws and I told my DH to make sure he tells his parents to not hug or kiss the boys, they can do elbow hello too. DH said to me of course his parents won't hug them and we need to make sure the boys don't keep hugging them, I told him they will be fine as they understood when I took them to my parents. Generally in-laws are amazing and I love spending time with them.

Anyways, so at his parents at first his parents were ok. His DM didn't hug them but his DDad was non stop hugging and generally all over them. I told him a few times to stop but his reply was, everything's fine. During this my DH was busy fixing something so he didn't see this. After a while I could see that I wasn't getting anywhere so I spoke with my DH. He said to his DD that he needs to stop and everytime he saw him hugging them he kept telling him to stop. The last straw for me was he started kissing them on their cheek, we left soon after.

It was my son's birthday recently and they came over to ours. Again we stayed in garden and did elbow hello. My youngest even said to his GDad, no hugging only elbow hello but he still didn't listen. My DHs sister came and while she kept her distance at first, she then was picking up my youngest and holding his hand and just generally acting like every thing is ok. His DSis doesn't live at home with her Parents. I noticed how between them there was no social distancing, and they were hugging and sitting close to each other.

AIBU to not want to see them for a while seeing as they don't listen to me nor my DH? They just make me feel so nervous seeing how they are with my boys, the last thing I want to do is pass something on to them or us catch something from them. I feel really bad not wanting to see them but I feel like I have no choice.

"Does your DH never touch or hug your kids? As he is in contact with potentially sick people. If the answer is yes then YABVU."

OP is choosing not to play a part in potentially spreading the virus further to, and via, her in laws. How is that very unreasonable? If you tell someone your boundaries they shouldn't just ignore you.

you are right OP. and Minesa..
don;t let them over-ride you again.
and they must respect the children's wishes too; not just do things to them by main force, however they claim it's an expression of love. that sounds like an abuser's charter, and very confusing for small children. or any children/adult; one's own body autonomy is supreme.
respect that or take a hike, don't care who you are.

@PepsiMaxCherry Glad you could work out my awful spell check and grammar there.

It’s a really difficult time and so much to think about, and I don’t understand some of the reactions you’re getting here.

I think you’ve made the right decision

This is a genuine question - to all the posters saying the OP is being ridiculous and OTT, do you think the current rules (that the OP is abiding by) are stupid? Like a previous poster said, the shift in the national mood is astounding

It's up to you what rules you choose in this situation but you really should have made it clear by leaving the first time so that your children know they can rely on you to stick up for them.

YANBU

There are national guidelines in place and your in laws are breaking them.

You told them beforehand how it needed to be and they agreed.

You're the parent and your rules are THE rules as far as the children are concerned.

It's bad for the children to see the rules disrespected, you disrespected, boundaries in general disrespected, their own boundaries disrespected, "just elbow hello grandpa!" and their own health and well-being disrespected.

I'm sure there are more.

You have right entirely on your side.

We’re maintaining the rule with everyone outside our house as otherwise it’s too confusing for our (small) children. A one size fits all rule is easier for them.

Anyway, it’s immaterial - you are the parents, your choice what you feel is appropriate for your kids. They should be listening to you.

Months and months of unnatural, sustained physical isolation is not healthy for children (or anyone else). Grandparents are old enough and intelligent enough to work out whether the small risks of catching the virus off grandchildren is worth the benefit of normal affectionate behaviour. There is no point or benefit to an "elbow bump" it is neither affectionate nor social distancing so sends out a confused message that you can touch.

If they are the kind of people with a long history of disregarding instructions that's different and is a long term respect issue not a temporary difference in risk assessment over a low risk.

Of course people have modified their behaviour, it's not a blip of a few weeks and back to normal. There is little end in sight of uninhibited, normal behaviour and after months people need some degree of normal interactions. Being too strict and idealistic is damaging a lot of people and their sense of perspective.