to reject birthday bunch of flowers from exdh?

[redapple]

Been seperated for over a year (long story but he was arse and left for another woman) and been getting along fine with him. We have two lovely sons so made effort to keep things civil, see quite a lot of him on pick ups, popping in to see kids etc.

My birthday today and when I saw him yesterday he gave me huge bunch of flowers. I said thanks but don't really want flowers from him, he muttered i deserved them for being a good mum and left.

I am still angry with him re our past and though prepared to be civil in the circumstances I would rather have nothing to do with him.

S'pose he meant well though and feel a bit bad now

He probably meant well, but your response was entirely understandable and he probably expected it.

dont know your story but you obv have issues with him, however as youve said you try and keep things civil, whatever hes done to you, he seems he now(too little too late!) respects you and thinks you deserve a gift, probably meaning it to be from children to you as we do that in this house(i buy presents from me and dd for dp's birthday)

don't feel bad, well done on not helping him feel better about himself on YOUR birthday.

No, the boys weren't there. I do feel a bit guilty and I think I will apologise to him. Good idea to have a chat about Christmas too.

Mmm, just sometimes feels that being civil and accepting things like flowers is like saying all is forgiven. And it's not!

I thinmk it's nice that he wanted to get you something to acknowledge the feact you are a great mum.. he's probably greatful that you have let him maintain the relationship with the boys.

I think if you can you should probably have abrief chat with him..

Were they supposed to be a present from the boys?

No, the boys had got their own presents and cards which he had organised. The flowers were just from him.

The more I think about it the more I think I was unfair. I will have to have a chat with him and sort it out.

ah yabu

It's a lovely gesture.

I totally see why your first reaction was at it was, in terms of him thinking all is forgiven if you accept stuff like that.

I think you're right to talk to him and explain it was just your gut reaction but you've felt bad since.