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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

snarky SIL unsupportive DP

8 replies

maisiemagic · 23/06/2020 08:13

NC for this.Sorry, I'm not sure if there is an acronym for partners sister so I'll call her SIL.
'Im being bullied'sounds a bit pathetic in this situation..but i can't think of a better word for it. SILs relationship broke down the month i met DP. SIL seemed, not surprisingly, depressed..she said her DP was with a younger woman (her DP was 10 years her junior) and they have 2 DC. From the outset SIL was oddly strange with me..blanking me when i tried to make polite coversation, glaring at me and making odd snarky comments. always related to my appearance...eg in middle of conversation about the weather she'd suddenly ask if i ever wore makeup then when i replied not often she'd pull a face and say it doesnt suit everybody anyway, again mid conversation about a totally different subject bring up a previous job id once had (considered an unusual/desirable job i suppose) and sniff that you didnt need to be attractive to do it etc etc.Comments always in same vein. My hairstyle, my weight (both boringly normal) Its not like she was transferring her hate for her DPs younher OW to me because Im same age as SIL. This went on for a couple of years and over time comments got worse and more personal..each time tho, related to appearance..i didnt tell DP. I wondered if she might think id 'stolen' her brother so encouraged him to have more contact with her, send texts or phone. He didn't bother. I kept trying to be polite in the face of the odd comments...taking a polite interest when she spoke about her job or DC...speaking to her in a friendly way etc.Over time she started to make comments within earshot of others, including in my own home while stuffing down the lunch id made her. Then came the meddling..DP got drunk and was verbally abusive to his friend..this caused us to argue and me to considering ending the relationship .SIL phoned me (she never has before) to have a go at me...at which point id had enough..told DP about the 'bullying' id been subject to for several years and he said he'd noticed some of it..but done nothing, he hadnt wanted to upset her. AI (or rather Was I) unreasonable for feeling he let me down? Surely he could have had a quiet word when he first noticed or even a light hearted comment just to let her know he'd noticed. I just feel sad he saw me having to sit and be on the receiving end of nastiness and did nothing. Ended as these things often do apparently (according to google) I called her out on her behavior and she cried and painted me as a bully. Ended now and looking back it all just seems pathetic but i wonder in retrospect if i was being overly sensitive or to expecting too much for my partner to have intervened? Also AIBU to think her behavior was strange

OP posts:
321youreback · 23/06/2020 08:23

Pull her aside and give her a good taking you. Start with 'here your chance to ask me all the fucking odd questions now , So you don't interject random shite in the grown up conversations'

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 23/06/2020 08:39

Crying and trying to make out you are the bully, Classic bully behaviour Turn it on your victim.

2pinkginsplease · 23/06/2020 08:45

Yip classic bullying trait for the bully to play the victim. MY dh would have stuck up for me there is no Way he would tolerate anyone speaking badly of me and has pulled a family member up on their behaviour regarding men before.

Cherrysoup · 23/06/2020 08:45

Tell DP if she doesn’t stop, she’s no longer welcome in your house. I wouldn’t tolerate being spoken to like that but there’s no reason you need to have her in your home.

Mo81 · 23/06/2020 09:07

The only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them. She sounds like a nightmare.

frazzledasarock · 23/06/2020 09:12

Well you’re ‘D’P doesn’t sound very nice either, if he’s heard it for himself over time and chose to let her get on with it.

I’d pull her up every time.

Stop allowing her into your home.

Ignore her as much as possible, walk off while she’s talking, yawn, look around then wander off.
You don’t need to stand about politely letting her be nasty to you.

If you don’t have DC, I’d consider leaving behind the lot of them. SIL sounds jealous, she alone she wants her brother to be alone too.

Northernparent68 · 23/06/2020 09:14

Her behaviour is weird, and your op reaction a bit wet

iamaMused · 23/06/2020 09:27

My husband is exactly the same, his mum and sisters bad behaviour is certainly not a fraction as bad as yours but he just sits there and doesn't react, he said he doesn't want to cause a scene. I informed him that while he didn't support either myself or our kids against their poor behaviour he was supporting them, his inactivity was telling me that their feelings were more important than mine. I called him a coward, we haven't seen them due to lockdown so it will be very interesting what happens when we all meet next, his choice defend his family or move back in with them.

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