Weird gaslight-y thing from visiting male friend...

[Margerine78]

I already know IANBU and my ‘friend’ behaved badly but this post is more for my sanity…

Has anyone read ‘Flowers in the Attic’ and do you agree there’s a subtle storyline about the brother and sister having an incestual relationship. I mean, the sister is pregnant with her brother’s kid in the prequel so…Sorry for the dark book choice but it came up in conversation somehow and my friend point-blank told me I was wrong as he couldn’t remember it happening.

This friend stayed over (support bubble thing) this weekend, I was so looking forward to it after being on my own all lockdown, but he spent whole weekend telling me I was wrong about literally everything - books (as above), films, TV series, how I washed up, how I cooked, how I mixed drinks, my music taste, even how my oven worked! He's normally a nice guy but he turned into a chauvinistic arrogant, argumentative and gaslighting douche this weekend when I most needed to have nice company.

For some reason the book thing pissed me off the most as instead of admitting he may have missed that subtext as he read it 20 years ago and taking my word for it as someone who reads a lot, he instead spent hours making me feel like I imagined it and I’m losing my mind!

I read that book when it was making the rounds in high school. No one would tell me the "secret". I actually heaved when I read it. Watch out for that guy --he's a wrong'un.

I'd avoid him forever more.

I have a friend just like this, but female and heavy weed smoker. It's vile being on the receiving end and when you absolutely know they didn't used to be like this...I haven't found a way to ditch mine yet but this lockdown is helping

Yes totally they set up house together as a couple later on 🤷🏼‍♀️

There’s no subtle about that book. I read it years ago and it is def about brother and sister bro locked in the attic and sleeping together and having babies...the whole series of books is worth a read.

What a strange person. The entire plot of Flowers in the Attic was "brother and sister abused and locked in an attic together their whole lives end up falling in love and having sex." Everyone knows that.

He sounds like someone who needs a door mat to belittle. Don't be that doormat.

Also, their mother and father were half siblings...the plot is vair thick!

@Margerine78 He was flexing, probably had no one to "impress" (🙄 yawn) during lockdown. That "bubble" has been burst, try another one, without him.

@CallmeBadJanet I might just stick to a bubble with the dog. My bubble is from this day onwards an arrogant twat free zone

@Localocal don't worry, I'm definitely no doormat. I was blindsided at the weekend as my (now ex) friend was acting so out of character it threw me.

The whole book is about the incest isn't it? Very odd.

Sorry but pmsl that he referred to it as Art. It’s great but it’s very well known to be a trashy novel. He blatantly has never read it.

@Carolbaskinstiger I know! What a t**t! Also, it's not like looking at an abstract painting, authors purposely write stories with a plot which the reader is meant to understand as that is the point of a story! The whole weekend was so weird, constant one-upmanship. He tells me he doesn't read much, then in the next breathe he's telling me my Film Degree is "shit" and he knows more as he has books on films. It was like this all weekend. Honestly my brain feels discombobulated.

He sounds like a total twat and you’re well rid. I’d be tempted to buy a copy and send it to him as a parting gift.

@Margerine78 I think a lot of women are looking for that zone now 😂

Hey, OP. Sorry you had such a shit weekend. There is no argument that your "friend" was definitely being a twat.

However, if this is out of character for him and he has been a good friend for a long time, I would recommend that before parting ways you share your concerns about his weed smoking and behaviour changes with him. I am not saying it will do much good, but it is the right thing to do - and, it could maybe just happen to hit him at a time when he's ready to hear it. If he later on properly loses the plot (as people will, on skunk) I think you will feel bad you didn't reach out or say anything. Equally, if you have any friends in common and someone can keep an eye on him, I would talk to them.

Other than that, I agree 100% that not exposing yourself to any more twattish behaviour from him is the way forward.

@Carolbaskinstiger...it gets weirder...he already ordered a copy! His behaviour this weekend was so bad my op only covers 20% of it. When I got annoyed he was denying the storyline despite all evidence, he then got on his phone to order a copy so he could 'see for himself' and told me this proved he 'respected' me as he was willing to give me the 'benefit of the doubt'. Call me reasonable, but surely respecting me would be to listen to what I said the book is about to begin with and not to start a huge row about it and feel the need to buy it just to check? So odd.

Oh wow. A breezy text to say “enjoy your art - hope you manage to pick up the subtle Incest storyline - you utter fucking imbecile” could do the trick.

How have you left things? Does he know he's an ex-friend?

@Roussillon849 you're right, I'm raging still as he was so vile but generally, I don't write good friends off. I have spoken to mutual friends and they're baffled by his behaviour but due to lockdown, no one has hung out with him for months.

My only hesitation is he acted a lot like a really nasty ex of mine. If he was a new boyfriend rather than an old friend they'd be so many red flags I'd be ghosting him about now for my own safety!

I'll see if he apologises and take it from there. I think we need a few weeks cooling off period first either way...hopefully with lockdown easing he won't be smoking all the time which might help.

@Carolbaskinstiger ha ha ha... (laughing as I cut and paste your words to text to him later...;))

I think we speak the same language. When he ordered the book my response to him was "great, you've wasted money on a really s**t and depressing book when you don't even read just to make a point".

@ContessaferJones love your response!! Yes send him a copy and say he needs to re-read it. He sounds like he was a right one this weekend - well peeved and took it out on you!! You were right and he was wrong. FULL STOP. Xxx

@Eddielzzard last argument was over the grill (so stupid). I had enough at this point and told him to make his own breakfast given I'm an idiot who can't use an oven. I sat on my balcony to cool off, he got showered and then came to say bye (he had planned to leave that morning anyway pre-row). I said 'I'm not going to walk you out as I'm too angry' and he said something non-descript like 'fine' and that was it. A kind of civil but icey goodbye. Nothing since.

I’ve not read the full thread so someone might have covered this but no Cathy and Chris (from Flowers in the Attic) never had biological children. They did end up living together by the end of the second book bringing up her two boys (one from her first husband, one from the affair she had with her mums second husband) and they adopted a child. But yes, the insest in the books wasn’t subtle. In the prequel it was discovered that their parents as well as being half uncle and niece were half bother and sister (both are Alicia’s children with dads being father and son).

He could be confusing it with the film which was much more subtle.